Wednesday, November 28, 2007
♥ 2:44 PM
Hello world!
Day of fun was fun!
Training's been cool, quite.
Caroling's not bad!
Christmas shopping/listing hasn't started.
And there's more things going on.
I don't know what to say anymore.
Blogging's quite pointless.
"I almost wish you didn't love me too"I really like you, but you don't like me too. So I'm sorry, I'm trying so hard for nothing. Its my fault, and it'll always be my fault. I want to tell you, but I just can't. And I won't, cause its not right. I don't want to inconvenience you. I know you won't read this. But if you do, I need to know more. I can't read signs. I think I love you, but schoolgirl/boy crushes don't last. So it'll be over soon enough. But for now, I'll continue on. Cause I'm a cross country runner. And that's what we do, peservere.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
♥ 8:42 PM
Hello love,
today I realised that you never know what you have till its gone.
You never know how much you've done till its over.
You never know how much impact you've made until you give up or finish up
And no matter how much you think over something, you'll miss something out.
And things will go unexpectedly, all the time.
Today I realised that no matter how strange things are, they always make sense.
Today I realised that the stranger they are, the more real it is.
Today I realised that the more things change, the more things you see.
Today I realised that the more you change, the more perfect you become.
No matter what others may perceive of you.
Today I realised that your help will always come in times of need.
And today I realised that peserverance will bring you hope.
Tomorrow love, is a new day, and we're to make the best of it.
Goodluck, have fun and never give up. Do your best and don't neglect the journey.
Focus, enjoy the company of your friends, and never be discouraged by the speed of progress.
Thankyou love, for everything.
Yours sincerely,
Me.
"motivate!"jaime.
I think I'll hiatus for another week.
I'm bored of this blogging thing.
So, till next week, love.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
♥ 5:56 PM
Hello love,
I want to succeed, that's all.
I don't want to overdo things, I don't want to be overbearing, I want to just do enough.
I'm willing to work, I'm willing to try.
But I'm not willing to fail, and that is my biggest flaw.
You want to succeed too. I know.
You're trying so hard, I admire you.
Its the beauty of a determined.
I'm determined too, but there's just so many obstacles.
I'm so scared, I don't want to ruin anything so fragile.
We're drifting. We use to be bestfriends and what are we now?
The closeness is fading and I can't seem to know it anymoree.
I think we're trying to hard.
You don't care if you're not accepted, but I know, we HAVE to be.
I know there's alot coming our way in such a short period of time.
And I know there's lots of things we missed.
But friends don't care at all, they go through no matter what.
I want to be perfect friends, but still succeed.
We both want to do great things.
So, Let's do this together, and make history.
Hello love,
I know, we're drifting.
But you think closeness is all about secrets.
You're not doing anything to stop this.
And I just can't be bothered to do anything anymore.
Because I don't know if I want to keep this friendship.
And we're both changing, and I don't know who any of us are anymore.
Alot of things have happened without you.
Other people, other times, other things.
Now you know, but then nothing's changed.
I feel like its a wasted effort.
I feel like you don't care.
And I feel like I don't want to care.
But I can't, I care about everything.
I'm just worriesome, its my nature.
But you, you just don't care.
Everything's changing and I can't stay the same.
I'm becoming more in and you're becoming more out.
I don't like who I'm becoming, but who am I to say.
I've the same values and attitudes, it doesn't matter to me.
Yours sincerely,
Me.
"i'll train hard."jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
♥ 5:01 PM
let's try a new approach to a post shall we?:D
Hello love,
it's been an exhilirating few days, although tiring.
I've been really happy and everything's been pretty good.
Everything bad's just been pushed to the side of my mind.
I should stop having the urge to do silly things, but that's just simply me.
I can't do no nothing about that, no sireeeeeeee.
Training's been cool enough. Its different, very different.
Its been good. Motivation runs through the veins, its new. I like.
Life's been great. As it should always be.
I'm changing, but I can't be bothered to stop it.
Cause I'm me, and that's the person I am best.
Thanks for everything, love.
You've been the greatest.
Yours sincerely,
Me.
"what do stars do; shine"jaime.
ithinki'mfallingdeeperintoyourtrap.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
♥ 12:06 AM
LALALALA.
Thanks everybody, you've been sweet wonderful, and have made everything worthwhile.
I just needed time to reeelax, that's all.
Directions, directions. Done.
~~
Okay, I am going to die.:D
My fault for being lazy to wake up and run.
Okay okay. JIAYOUJIAYOU JAIME:DDDDD!
"Score one more for me"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Sunday, November 04, 2007
♥ 1:10 PM
Its been a week.
I still long for IJ.
I'm in VJ. I'm there now.
So much has been going on.
Things happen and people change.
I don't regret my choice, I think its a splendid opportunity for me to be my best. But I'm afraid that I'm not able to cope. Everything's really in my face now. Its the first time I'm pressured to perform before anything's even started. So much is expected of me now, and I really hope this is going to work. God only gives us things that we can manage with. But I worry, I worry I cannot cope. I worry. I don't know. This is unfamiliar. I'm not sure who I am anymore. Its like I don't know myself. I hope this is a good thing. Its growing up. Too much change is coming to me. I know I can do this. Its just really so hard to be my own person. And I don't know what I want to be anymore, who I want to be anymore. Its a new environment, I can be anything I want to be. But I don't know what that is. I want to be myself. Myself. The one who's happy and makes jokes out of anything and everything to make life more bearable. Myself, who's sociable but not too sociable. But with new people, you never know what the limit is. Am I going beyon sociable? Am I going beyond myself and crossing over to plastic? I don't know. Someone help me. Am I even ready to take on so much responsibility and work? I don't know.I want change. I want to be bold, do something different. Be more than the one who knows she can't do it, and doesn't try. But the more I try, the more evident that I am bad at this. Help me, please. Everything's so contradicting. Where I'm not ready, they give me so much. Where I am, they can't be bothered to see me. I'm trying, I'm trying. I don't know how prepared I am for this. I'm confused, pissed off and just annoyed. I need a break. I need to get all this away. I don't want to try to sort anything out anymore. Cause I can't do this on my own. I need God. I want to know what I'm doing. I can't go around living a blind life. I can't, I can't. I need to know the direction, the way, the truth and the light. I need information, I need details. You tell me so little and you expect me to respond correctly. Then you don't tell me anything at all. When I try, I just become more desperate, and I become shunned. I don't know what the f is happening. And nobody can explain. This is hell, and I know it. It sucks trying to be everything I want to be. It sucks trying to please the general public and the people I think I need to please even if I hate it so much doing it. I don't know 'what's going on. I'm sickened. I'm losing my apetite. This isn't even what I'm supposed to be worrying about. I'm lost, give me a map, help me find my way out. Its all a lie. Everything that used to be burning is going out. And I can't hold on to it. I'm letting go. Its okay, I'm not important anyway. I'm just the little one who plays the team part. The one who boosts your ego, cause I'll never be as good as you. And I'll always be in awe. Its okay, that's perfectly fine with me. Thanks.I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. Everything's coming down. Nothing's working out. I want something to work. I don't even know myself. I feel like I'm changing and I know it. And I can't stop it. Its hard, its very hard. I'm struggling. I don't know whether I want to stay the same or change. Changing is fine. We all change, we have to. We're growing. But staying is fine too. I like the way I interact with my friends. I like the way they see me and the way I see them. Its pure, pure. I'm becoming confused. More confused by the minute. Its exhausting me mentally and emotionally. It's hard. I'm pressuring myself, people are pressuring me. Basic expectations, basic goals. Things I want for myself, things people want for me. Things I simply think I can do. Things. Help. I know I need it.I'll miss IJ alot. alot. They say transitions are hard. But after 8 years they're impossible, almost. My friends mean the world to me. They've been so much comfort. They've been so much in my life. I can't bear to let them go just like that. Thank you, thank you. I love you, really. Unconditionally. I've learnt to accept your flaws and your weaknesses. Just as you have mine. Its wonderful to have friends you know will help you no matter what. But its horrible knowing that I'm dropping the bomb and hoping nothing will change. I'm stupid. Slap me, smack me; oh kill me, why don't you?
I'm just so confused, I don't know where I'm headed or why I'm going there. I'm feeling so much in so little. I'm not emotional. I'm just tired, tried and too confused. Everything that was so pure, is all going away. I'm trading the magic for challanges. I'm sickened by the trials. They help me grow, but I don't know what I'm doing. Lord, help me. Let me feel your presence. I want to accelerate, I want to be pushed. Lord, let me be able to take the pains. The sacrifices. Give me the strength to go on, always.
At the end of the day. I'm thankful that I've challenges to face. I need to grow. I can't stay the same forever. Ceteris Paribus is a dream. A scenario. A false reality.
"There's gotta be more to life"jaime.
On Hiatus . ^^
Or at least I'm trying.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?