Thursday, June 28, 2007
♥ 9:34 PM
Today, I'm happy.
I'm happy cause I apologised, yet again.
I'm happy cause I made other people happy.
And I'm happy cause I found self-worth.
Today, I went high, and was probably back to myself.
Today, I feel more mature and confident.
Today, I feel more like the person I want to be.
My dreams are going to crush me soon, but there's a soothing effect.
Recently, I've learnt that when I offer things up to God, He'll always help me.
Its such a sacrifice to give it up, and accept whatever he gives us, but you've just gotta trust.
Sometimes, both ways it'll suck. But God will pull you through. He won't do anything that'll hurt you too much. He's our father, he loves us, and we know that.
I'm apprehensive about all the things that'll come. I pray that I'll get what I want. But I know somewhere deep down that I've just got to let it go. Cause God knows what's best.
Its hard to accept it, but we need to try. And I'm trying. But its hard to give up something you want so much. So very much. Something so dear to your heart. But our purposes on earth is to satisfy God's purpose for us, not our own purpose. I really need to keep that in mind.
I'm still happy despite all this. I feel so much more like the person I want to be.
No doubt, this week has been mountainous. But I feel so much better now!
I'd like to thank my friends for everything. Consoling, helping, explaining.
Wonderful people.
Choices. Choices. I guess its not what you do with them, but how you cope with them. And how you live through them and what you've learnt. Sometimes you're at a losing end, and both ways are just as gloomy. But, you know, sometimes its not important what you choose. Sacrifices will have to be made ultimately. Its just a matter of time. If something is meant for you, it'll come to you no matter how hard. Just believe. In God, in yourself and in your choices. It'll all be fine. Happiness helps. Stay happy, pray and believe.
Over the recent few days/weeks, I realised the power of prayer. Sometimes, you pray and don't realise what's working, and then you just forget about it. But then after that, you see consequences. Things don't happen the way they usually do. And you see the power of prayer. While it is saddening to know that you've put someone through hardships by forgetting, its heartening to know that God's listening to you. Prayer, its so important in our lives, but sometimes, we just neglect its importance and forget about it. Prayer makes us stronger. Prayer makes us understand. Prayer is God's way of asking us to humble ourselves. I'm thankful for being a Catholic. I'm thankful for being put in IJTP. But I believe that even if I do get what I want, I'll do my best to still think of God's presence. And spread the love of God. I'll do my best.
This post is rather random, but quite happy. I'm happy. I'm still not good at sympathsising with people. But, I'll do what I can. I'm gonna save the world and make everyone happy. I've proven myself right. I've made people happy, I've made them feel loved. I've influenced people to make others feel happy. No doubt, I'm not going to be a nun, but I'm still going to save the world! I'm such a dreamer, such the escapist!
I've seen my mistakes in the mistakes of others. Which helps me learn. I feel flawed still. But we're all humans! I'm going all out for nationals. I know its terrible training until you feel bored of training. But Opportunity implies obligation, Success at the expense of sacrifice. WE CAN, WE WILL!(: GO IJTP. We'll go all the way!
Thanks Lord for everything. My friends, the experiences, and my family. I'll love you forever and always.
"feel like a little girl, trying to conquer the whole wide world."jaime. i'm gonna save the world!
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
♥ 10:30 PM
EDIT!i'm not letting anyone read it no more.
HEHS. its gone. and its away.
Thanks y'all nice people who helped me be happy.
Now I know what people will do to help me.
I love you people tonnes and tonnes!
And to the people who make me feel bad, your brains are flushed down the drain.
"thanks for the memories!"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Friday, June 22, 2007
♥ 10:29 PM
CL CAMP'S THE BEST DAMN THING!
it's the hottest most wonderful event of my whole entire holidays. 4 days of fun, joy and laughter. Reflection and sadness too. But DAMN, it was the best thing ever. Think of 4 days with friends, and not doing school work or even needing to see it to worry. It's beauty. And, I thank the exco. DAMN GREAT CAMP!
In detail now, the camp. For the benefit of those who didn't attend. (I'm making you jealous!)
19/6
We met in church, and then headed off for Lorong Low Koon. Played ice breakers made flags. Went to the zoo. We all had KFC and yeah. Looked for answers to questions in the zoo. Amazing race, zoo style. It was tonnes of fun, and Fel and I were like super enthu like REALLY enthu. We wanted to do out best, what more can I say. It was hot, but great. Jaime heard something she didn't want to hear, but she's learn to put it aside. Lift it up to the Almighty one, yo! Came back, had dinner. Had session. Watched Lilo and Stitch. Stitch is damn cute please! Praise and worship! I couldn't sing due to obvious reasons. Read the lyrics. Had spiritual. Daryl came to our group. It was like really heart-to-heart. Shared tonnes. Got to know people better. Played with wax. Felt kinda high. Was happy. Slept.
20/6
Breakfast, bible game. We almost won. Oh wells. Auctioned for food. Meaning that we had to bid for food. Our food sucked, but compassion pulled us through. I can't remember what else we did. But we played games! The water games! We used our hair to transport water. Fel's hair's a sponge! And since they wanted to get us wet, they made us use our clothes. My OM Shirt's a spongee!(: And then rugby! WHOA SHIOK. Like run and all. SHIOKNESS. Jaime lay down on the grass. Lucky me.(: Then we had session and praise and worship. No spiritual. We were sad. After that, we had roti prata. Exco bought for us. Sweet of them. Wrote fuzzies, slept.
21/6
We rann! So I didn't feel as guilty. Yeah!Had proper food. Bread still, but at least we had food. Waited for father to come. He cancelled on us. Daryl taught us some songs which I unfortunately couldn't sing. It was praise and worship basically. We did dance once more. FUN! Fel went to school the whoole morning so I was alone. That day was the one occasion in which I wanted to be shorter, but no, I don't want to be. I needa grow about 10cm more. That's alot! Oh bother. Then, we had lunch. Our Bob flag got stolen by exco. Sad, ey?I think after lunch we just hung around for a while and OH we did skit pract, which wasn't muh cause we changed the idea in church anyway. Yeah. GAMES! We made coffee with our mouths. And thanks tome for not being all that well, we didn't have to drink the coffee(: And we also played the move the chair game! We fell down, so we had to move back 5 steps. But we still emerged second. GO THOMAS! And then we played the balancing game thing. Whoa, the guys are strong, yo! The girls too! CLers are strong people! Then rugby once more. Shiokness. But this time we played Guys + exco girls and Girls + exco guys. So, Jon, Colin and Daryl became girls. And Mary, Rachel, FelMok and Same became guys. But Mary, Rachel, Sam and FelMok always play as guys anyway. We played for like what? 2 hours or 3. Both days we played about that long. so altogether we played for about 4 to 6 hours. Its like super fun! Really! CLASS OUTING PLAY RUGBY! But can you imagine 40 girls chasing a ball? Hahaa. We bathed and ate. Had session nd spiritual. Fel and I were kinda high during spiritual. My voice sucked, so I was whispering. Funny, please! We went around hugging people after that. We hugged almost everybody. Daryl did spritual with us again. We went back to dorms, wrote fuzzies. Got chased to sleep by colin. Lissa was entertaining herself with finding words and what not. I was accused of pretending to sleep. I was sleeping dammit! Oh wells.
21/6
I was kinda waiting for someone to wake me up. I kinda got up, couldn't sleep. Wasn't really happy. Fel knows why. Yeah. Mary got me up. Lizzi didn't want to wake up. I ran, wrote my remaining to fuzzies that I wasn't allowed to write. And posted them. I felt nice. My fuzzies were really kind of long alright! We did clear up. Practiced dance. Practiced skit. Dylan got pissed. i really don't blame him. Had lunch. I went for dental and skipped eating veggies. And then it was chocolates for me. Dylan won Limbo rock for us. SHORT IS POWERFUL! And then Sam was too tall. But tall is good too. (: Went back to church. Had secret or rather, not so secret new friend. Practiced dance and skit. Parents came. Served them. Talked to them. Performed. Ours was super impromptu. The other groups' performances were really funny! DANCE WAS FUN! girl's can't dance as guys! Guys can dance as girls. Whoops. :o. Camwhoring time. Hugging time. Can you see my face being lit up drastically. And then home time ;( Yeah. Really sad. And then, I read my warm fuzzies and my sms again. And I was really happy! I'm saving the sms man! HAPPY PEOPLE MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!
To sum up, Camp was the highlight of my holidays, the holiday spirit! Camp's the bomb, and I think it rocks so hard! I love camp! Thanks everyone for making camp great and perfect!
Oh yeah. And I became really good friends with fel! Common interests and star gazing. We'll get diabetes, but I'm not complaining. It was really touching you know, that. I wish more people'd be like that. Also, It was really great having Fel in my group for camp. She helped me survive. She ensured I wasn't alone. Thanks fel!
The girl's dorm was like really fun and all. With all that nonsense and gossip. We're so totally evil! And I got to know the sec ones really well. I think I can click with them quite well, yes? tell me sec ones, is that true? Haha! I miss camp! Camp makes me smile. :D
Thanks people who let me tell you about court. At least I tried. Its the effort that counts. I hope y'all really stop soon yeah? I'm gonna feel like a happy failed peer adviser. But, who cares? As long as I'm happy. AND I AM! Don't hurt the people you love, yo! Make the right choices!
I'll treasure the memories y'all gave me mann! I'm gonna protect them with my life. And the warm fuzzies! HOHOHO. I'll love them. I feel loved. Jaime loves y'all too! Feel love. Share the love!(:
Common interests are found out at camp. woohoo common people! Popular kids and all. (:
I LOVE CAMP. CAMP IS FOREVER IN MY HEART! WHOA. Thanks All!
"the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen!(camp!)"jaime. it ain't corrinne may, so sue me!(:
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Monday, June 18, 2007
♥ 4:37 PM
Hey, yo! I'm back, as you might already have guessed.
Holiday was alright. And I say alright implying nothing more and nothing less. I fell sick during the trip. Let's see, I had fever, stomach flu, sore throat, cough and running nose. Not all at the same time, but yeah. Sick. Now, I've not entirely recovered yet, therefore, I'm not allowed to train. DAMN. I'm so going to screw nationals. Greaaat. The trip was interesting though. Interesting, not exactly, enjoyable. Okay, maybe relaxing and reflective. It was okay. That's all. I enjoyed the bus ride to Chiang Rai/Mae Sai though. It was really kind of long, but it was really nice and quiet and the scenery was quite the beauty. Interesting, might I say. Something to talk about at my interview. My interview is scaring the hell out of me. And now we'll all just have to pray for the best.
Can't train. Hmph. Can't train. Hmph. Hurrr. I want to train. Me no want to screw up my nationals. So, I should drink more water and sleep more. Camp tomorrow. YES! My highlight of the entire June Hols. Wonderful! I'm going to train. I swear, that I will train. soon enough. My homework! My time! Gone with the wind they have flown far away. Hurr. My homework is semi-completed. Oh, my surveys! Death to me, death to my school work. It feels good to be back home. But, home reminds me of the imminence of the beginning of school. And my interview. Sigh. I'm afraid, or rather, apprehensive. I want camp to come! But I don't want camp to be over and I really don't want to start school. And as much as I tell myself I want nationals to be over, I really really don't want it to come. Not now, when I'm this untrained and the unwell. No, siree. Gosh. This is taking too much out of me. I have to quit worrying. Its back to size 14 for me.(No, I do not wear size 14. Though, my mother reckons I will soon, at the rate I eat.)
Oh, and Michelle and I and all known people at this point in time have been rejected. *5 second pause*. We can't be bothered, that wasn't my life's work. My life's work will tell my of my crops. Gosh, I pray so hard for it. I wonder how things are going in terms of stuff I've missed. Haven't had the head to go find out. Will find out soon. End.
P.s. Donuts are the most heavenly thing that you can ever taste. Hmmm. Dunkin'/Mister Donut. Hmmmmm. Yummy.
"I find the strength to believe in me again."jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
♥ 6:57 PM
I feel stupid and utterly demoralised. Thanks man.
"And may all your dreams come true"jaime. Surely, I hope they will.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Sunday, June 10, 2007
♥ 3:00 PM
I'm going for holiday next week.Hurray.
I sense a lack of enthusiasm. I meant, I sense a serious lack of enthusiasm.
Tell me why.
Cause its going to be hell ENJOYING nagging from my mother and twice that amount from an attention seeking old lady.Greeeat, just great.
Something tells me, its going to be a 6 day torture. 6 days, bloody hell. 6 days is very very long. We NEVER ever go for that long. It's too long! What happened to the need to train very hard. And to think I was supposed to sacrifice camp! Camp's supposed to be the HIGHLIGHT of my holidays. I really don't care if I have an extremely dissatisfactory group. Oh man. 6 days of torture, as if the 8 days weren't enough. Why couldn't my interview or something of great importance be during that period? WHY! I'd much rather stayed glued to Singapore and get tortured mercilessly by Coach through horrible training schedules. Even Mrs Jeya's schedules are fine. Why! I really don't want to go. Thailand,
again. I've been there twice in the pass year. Too often. too often. Now, I really don't enjoy holidays. I used to be sooo excited by them. But going alone, gosh its a chore. No computer, no phone and no friends. To add on, I can't train properly. Meaning, I've got to say bye bye to nationals now. Hmph! My priorities are so simple, and yet, my parents say they're all wrong. Greeaat. Be a super spiritually weak person. I'm fine with not getting anything I want and distancing myself from God. I'm totally fine with that. And I'll get struck by lightning the moment I step into the sun. Nice. Really, Nice.
I'm making sacrifices alright! I'm breaking camp for training. As if that's not enough. I'd fly back for training, but I guess, that's really no option. 6 days of torture in a land that I've been to so recently. I pray that I get into my dream school. I pray that they'll send me overseas during the June hols. And I pray that thanks to that, I don't have to be tortured no more. Oh please, I want to gain entry! Its been my dream for so long. Its the longest time I've been wanting something. And I'm actually working for it. Sort of, at least. Oh please, oh please. I'll pray harder than ever, I want it badly. I really do. Believe me. I really do. I'd give up camp for it, if its what I have to do. And you know how much camp means to me. Oh mans.
And I'd like to say that I'd really really really appreciate it if I gain entry into the school of my dreams through the Integrated Programme. If you know me well, you'd know how much I really want it. You'd know what I'd do for it. And I'd like to think I deserve it too. But maybe not. Maybe people are working even harder out there. You really wouldn't know. Hmph.
I wish my parents would trust me more. I wish they'd grant me more independence. I wish they'd trust my judgement and they'd respect my priorities. I wish they'd use their common sense. Would you rather have a younger person leading your child, or one who smokes and influences people in a bad way. I'd leave it to you. But you should think about whether you're just restricting my joy and taking it all away. Thanks, I love the (absent) support. Thanks. I appreciate it. And, I absolutely love the nagging.
Not. I think I've been disobedient recently. I wouldn't blame God for not giving my all time favourite birthday present. I'm annoyed with too many things. I wish it'd all go away. And, I wish I'd get my ideal perfect birthday present,
soo badly. And lastly, to lessen the torture, I'm wishing for a last goodbye.
"The only treasure I seek"
jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
♥ 10:49 PM
OH I THANK THE HEAVENS. I THANK YOU LORD. I THANK
COACH.Jo's in the next round! We were so so worried. Like, we didn't even look at the results thing. Our eyes were closed and we used the boards to fend our eyes in case of a horrible outcome. But, PHEW. I feel sorry for the jiaqi girl. But, its okay, I know that God has a purpose for her. Mediacorp was fun. Well kind of at least! And I got home so latee. HAHA. jaime was happy.
CAROLINE & AP's PARTY WAS GREAT. T'was fun, kay! I learnt to play happy birthday on the piano. Oh man, I'm so so so proud of myself. And the layers of wrapping was super super super cool. Maaan, I can't wait for my birthday. But by then, I'd either be REALLY happy or REALLY sad. It's scaryyy! I'd rather not know. I rather wallow in the dreams that I may get in, rather than the dismay of the letdowns of me being a REJECT. Yees. I want a party at Steph's house! Midnight walks and Endless talks. Sounds like the TV show. But, Hecks!
WOOHOO! Juvenile court tomorrow. I'm still kinda scared. But, I'll live through it. My heart is warmed by the first signs of return and the comfort that they are safe. WHAT RUBBISH. I'm out of my mind. All the excitement must be getting to my head. I WANT MY IPOD.*hints for my birthday present!*Actually, you can just get me a voucher or something. Cause I want to buy online so that I go to VJ. Orr, I could still buy a green one. I WANT MY CRUMPLER. *hints again* Hahaa. You've really got to ask me. Cause, I really don't want 2 of the same presents! I feel greedy, so sue me.
Alright, and for the finale.
EACH PLAYER OF THIS GAME STARTS OFF WITH 10 WEIRD THINGS, HABITS, OR LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT ONESELF. PEOPLE WHO GET TAGGED MUST WRITE IN THEIR BLOG 10 WEIRD THINGS, HABITS, OR FACTS, AS WELL AS STATE THIS RULE CLEARLY. AT THE END, YOU MUST CHOOSE SIX PEOPLE TO BE TAGGED AND LIST THEIR NAMES. NO TAG-BACKS!
(tagged by lizzi, mars and larrissa)
1. I've been waiting anxiously for this week to come!
2. The perfect ideal present would be priceless.
3. I hope steph and maybe marrissa's dreams come true.
4. I want WALLS ice-cream!
5. I want my ipod and crumpler. (goodness, i'm greedy!)
6. I'm trying not to be materialistic!
7. I want to beat the Anderson girl and to get into MY dream school.
8. I need to kick the habit of obsessing.
9. I should be sleeping soon.
10. I think Corrinne May is the bestest singer ever, and that I MUST go for her concert.
DONE. I'm going to tag the following people, listen up. Michelle(Neo), Cheryll, Arielene, Courtney, Suu and Francesca. Thanks.(:
"its your soul that makes me fall in love with you."jaime. is. WOOHOO. happy.(:
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Monday, June 04, 2007
♥ 12:26 PM
I have such wonderful parents who refuse to let me use my computer beyond 2330 AND take my money. One day, I'm going to be malnourished, and they'll probably be happy. Selfish people. Hmph! I'm going to not sleep right after the computer is off. So, people who read this post, it'd be really nice if you can call me, so that I won't be bored to that after that. Instead of wasting my time stoning and staring at the ceiling, I'd rather be using my free incoming calls. Yes, that's what I'd like. But today, HOHO. I won't be home at 2330, so poo poo to you. HAA! Oh man, since I'm 5 bucks short, How're we gonna pay for the present. Oh man. My money has just flown away. MY DINNER HOW! Oh man! Evil evil parents. All parents live to "discipline" and mine live to torture. Hmph. Well actually, my mum lives to nag. I think my parents think I'm rebellious. But, like its the holidays AND there's nothing else left to do. Not like they let me stay out till that late or actually give me something to do. And reading at 2330 is pointless! I'll read the same line about a thousand times before I figure out what it's supposed to mean. Hmph, parents who totally enjoy wasting my time. There's no rationale behind sleeping early. I mean, training's in the afternoon! I can sleep in lah! Damn stupid parents. To think they have degrees. Hmph.
Oh man. And its raining. How am I supposed to get to TP? My dad has just gone off too. Tomorrow I think I have to go play golf. *Groans* With my dad. Hmph, I really don't mind playing with Cheryll and Mary/Anne. But with my dad, its really boring. And I have to wake up early too! HAHA. tooooooooo badd, I'm not sleeping early today. Poo poo to youu!
TOMORROW IS THE FIFTH OF JUNE. YES! Do you know what that means? Yes, I do! Means, we get to go for party. But more importantly, the overseas people are coming back! Yeeeees! Hurray! OH! and today is the FOURTH OF JUNE! Mediacorp! Campus Superstar! I have never watched a single episode of it before, but we're all going to support JOANNA TEO RUI EN. Vote for her ya? Jo's our number one! Hurray!(:
And the next day is the SIXTH! Yay, court! Boo, weird clothings and shoes that'll make me feel like a plain retard. Mum says she's only got heels. Hmph. Heels and me, REALLY don't go.
Hmph, I swear my parents REFUSE to trust me. Goodness, I'm not a 10 year old kid lah. I'm a thirteen year old TEENAGER, please. What I don't earn my trust. Hmph. For me, doing well in exams gives me absolutely no perks. If I was rewarded the way my friends are, I'd be able to buy my ipod really really soon, if not already. Hmph. But I suppose, my reward is going to schol on the other side of Singapore, which ultimately rewards me with independence. Independence, sweet independence. It would really be nice if I get that independence. Independence would be a really really nice reward for doing well for my exams. But Noooooooo, they refuse to give me anything. Fine, be that way! I'll leave home the minute I can, Just like Hillary. If that makes them all the more happier, I won't even go home for dinner. Hmphs!
I'm pissed off for the lack of trust. I've got to let it out somewhere. Hmph. Alright, I hope training's nice and good today. And, that the rain'll stop soon. Please and Thank You.
"Go easy on me, cause you already know."jaime. wants independence for her birthday present from her parents.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Friday, June 01, 2007
♥ 11:41 PM
Hmph. I've lost all my Friday night excitement and hype, and all things friday night and exciting. I blame it on my day.
I suppose today was a mediocre day, a wasted day and a wayy below standard friday.
Even cl wasn't as impressive as it usually is! But that could be a biased statement with other influencing factors involved. But then again.
Let's see, other than the capturing our pokemon memories and posters in pictures, today has left practically no impact on me at all. Today, I wasted my time, and achieved nothing. I ought to go to sleep. Hmph. Friday the first, what a horrible day.
Hmph. Nostagiaa! I keep thinking back about kindergarten, and I miss it! Riding my small teeny pinky winky bike and getting scolded by chen lao shi. Oh man, the good great times. And, the fact that something so very coincidental occured without my knowledge. Darn, I was smarter than my peers then(I hope), but what happened to my observational skills! Maybe, I was always always blur. Oh wells. Give me a time machine, bring me back in time. BRING ME TO 1998, I'd like to trail the campus once again. Yes, I would!
1998. PGA. Hmph. Influencing factors! Gawsh, I'm really thinking of it way too much. Oh wells. nineteen ninety-eight. Hmph. I was 6, and innocent. I should have better observational skills. I should have had better observational skills ALL MY LIFE. All those years, with all those chances. Maybe, its the memory. I won't feel that bad if it was the memory. Cause if it was, then fate. Well fate's a funny thing, ain't it? Haha.
Hrmphhhhhhh. Only 3 more weeks of the hols. Time is going so slow, and yet it flies. We've got only 3 weeks of school-less weeks. It flies, and I'm NOT having fun. Repeat, Not Having Fun. Hmph. I've been engaged in school-based, damn stupid activites all week. And, I've been wasting the rest of my time stoning here before this computer of mine or doing stupid homework.
Nagging is evil torture. So is waiting. Hmph, and they both come together in PERFECT TIMING. I absolutely love time and EVERY aspect of my wonderful perfectly perfect life. Sense the lowest form of wit. Hmph. Enjoyment and happiness come to me. Where art thou?
Hmph. EVILL! Parties in the afternoon are pure evil! I want to sleep in, dammit! Since its in the afternoon, I've gotta yank myself out of bed to torture myself physically, which I sincerely think is not as bad as emotional trauma or psychological torture. Both of which are terribly and totally evil and horrid. Seriously! And forcing me to sleep is pure punishment for nothing that in particular. Have pity on me oh great Lord, I am feeling entirely tortured and at the mercy of the evil and mean ones. Okay, dramaticism. I should have joined some, more dramatic CCA, to bring out my full potential. Yeah, right.
Okay, so this post is melodramatic and exaggerated to some extend. But I'm feeling annoyed, and this is the result of annoyance, of which I cannot pin point the origin. Greeeaat, just perfect.
"fly away"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?