Sunday, March 25, 2007
♥ 11:13 PM
i'm here to post.
i'm really happy our race today. our kacang puteh race, as sulin would say. we didn't even practice passing. just run and pass. and we were crapping and thinking of ideas to get out of it. so yeah, i'm happy with our performance! it was fun.
sph is finally over. no more cheering for 2 schools at once.:/ no more fun. RAHH. nevermind, wait for XC. the long distance shall train harder and use our secret weapon. yes we will strive and beat them all.RAHH. hyperactivity.WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
tomorrow is Elearning. jaime likes elearning, cause she can sleep in. yes. and she can talk to people online and *cough* skive.HEH. yes. i'm so slack. oh well. ONE. its one already. AHHH! what happens if my As, Bs and Cs aren't good enough. of course they are not! aiyah. so sad. oh well.
sometimes its just not fair. oh wells. its my own fault i didn't do well. its my misfortune not to decide on things earlier. but i must be commited to the things i want to do. i must be. commitment. i must be commited to the things i'm involved in, and i must give my all. and i must balance. i MUST. haha. i seem like i'm putting too much pressure on myself. but i'm not. a little pressure never hurt anyone right?i keep saying i need to do my best, but i never do. i need to do my best. i don't care if i don't to places i want to get to anymore. i need to know that i've tried my best to get there. but i haven't. so i won't get there. if i get there i'd be more than thankful, and it'd be giving me a second chance. won't it? i need a second chance. like theme of the last cl sunday.
a second chance please? yeah. i need a second chance. i need to do my best. the rest is still unwritten. i need to do my best from now on. I need to. some people have all their stars shining for them, and their luck is turning. mine isn't. but i've got to work. i believe that God's been helping me. this time i'll work harder, and i'll do better. and God will help me more. i know. i believe. PLEEEASE. a second chance for me?
now i'm worried. i'm very worried. i'm scared. and i'm apprehensive. all the what ifs turn up in my head. i'm not sad. i'm just scared. i need this. please?i'm talking to myself.again. oh wells. i need to relax. therefore, i need to stop blogging. goodbye.
" treasure your chances"jaime. i tried, but i never do.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Friday, March 23, 2007
♥ 11:37 PM
francesca tagged me to do this. oh well.
SIX last
6. last cigarette: none applicable.
5. last beverage: plain cold water
4. last text message: joanna poanna
3. last BUBBLE bath: have i ever had one?
2. last time you cried: valentines day, i think. (STUPID -censored- COACH!)
1. last time you hugged someone: yesterday.
SEVEN have you's:
7. have you ever dated someone twice?: yeah. if date includes going out with your gal pals.
6. Do you believe in love at firstsight?: *nods head*
5.missing?: my staple diet.
4.have you ever fallen in love?:probably.
3. have you ever lost someone? not exactly.
2. have you ever been depressed?: not really...my life is quite happy, thank you
1. have you ever had a heartbreak?: umm. don't think so.
SIX things you did in the past threedays:
6. Went to school:yehh.
5. Went to work: define work.
4. Colored: NEVAAA. i hate colouring. HAHA.
3. Got drunk?: Nope. don't drink.
2. Slept?: what'd you think?
1. Hurt yourself?: yeah. by chewing food.:/
THIS YEAR...
Made a new friend: should think so.
Laughed until you cried?: literally or figuratively?
Went out behind your parents back: does the MP library count?
Met someone who changed your life: uhh, nope.
Gotten close to someone: closer? YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF..
1. Love: it's from god above.
2. Gay marriage?: i don't know.
3. Lowering the drinking age?: doesn't concern me. i don't drink anyways.
ABOUT YOU:
4. Str8, Gay, Bi?, Les, Butch,Passive: straighter than the ruler
5. Who is the best hugger that you know?: SHUSH. its a secret.:D
6. Do you believe in love at firstsight?: why not?
7. Is there something you want to tellsomeone?: tell my mummy that i LOVEE her. haha!
8. what kinda shirt are you wearing? top shop pink shirt
9. How many kids do you want to have?: two or three. i'm still young!
10. Do you have a good relationshipwith your parent(s): reasonably.
11. Do you want to change your name?: noope. although, i do have the occasional identity crisis.
12. What did you do for your lastbirthday?: litdrama.
13. What time did you wake up today?: nine something.
14. What were you doing at midnight?: staring at computer screen.
15. Name something you CANNOT wait to do? be in VJXC.
stop dreaming already!6. Last time you saw your father?: a few minutes ago.
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? i'll get back to you on this.
18. Which hand do you like better? i like them both.cause they're mine!
19.What are you listening to rightnow? the enterprise commercial from the outside tv.
21. Have you ever talked about someonebehind their back?: probably.
23. Who's getting on your nerves rightnow?: nobody at this moment in time.
24. Most visited webpage?: friendster?
25. Coke or Pepsi?: neither.
26. Do you have a crush?: *blushes*
27. Have you kissed or been kissed byanyone in the past week?: mother dearest, father dearest and brother dearest
29. Do you think there's somemodels/people out there that shouldgain a couple pounds?: of course.
30. Do you enjoy your friendship withyour friends?:to a certain extend. kidding! OF COURSE I DO!
people to do this ::people who haven't; people who want to.
"you look better in green"jaime. the cat.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
♥ 3:21 PM
lizzi prods me(over the phone) to come blog.and blog i shall.
i remember last blogging on monday, therefore i shall start with tuesday.
tuesday. i left school before chinese(thank god!) and went off for chicken rice and subsequently pasting metal onto teeth and wiring them up, aka. dental.yes. i got them green and white since they didn't have the 2 shades of green i wanted, oh wells. at least i'm drug free. oh. and mummy came back and bought me green stuff:D. she's influenced by my green-ness:D HEHs. i like my new green stuff, thank you.
wednesday. i can't remember much about wednesday, except going for penetential service, getting back report cards, and being extremely jealous of michelle. wait, i do that every every every day.
thursday.sports day! YEAH
GREEEEEEN HOUSE!we won!:D and it was fun. however i think i became a darker shade of brown. oh wells, not like it bothers me much anyways. and then we had passion play rehearsal. alot of people were late. and then there's practice on saturday. and none(or maybe one) of the passion play comm members will be going down. how funny. they'll be comm-less. ahh well.they don't need us anyway.
friday. ELEARNING! i'm left with english. why am i always left with english?oh well. i was conferencing with Jo and lizzi just now. and we weren't really talking though.it was more like hold the phone to your ear and hear people make noises. that kinda thing.yupp. hehs.and now lizzi and i shall go for our walk! I want! but i think i should really finish english first. i am a pro picture finder. or, i will be...soon enough, when there are more pictures to find. haha.:D
and i shall go to english now. seeyou soon people of the world:D
"look at this!"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Monday, March 19, 2007
♥ 9:39 PM
Retreat today.
I enjoy retreats. It was great.
No, it didn't have the extremely dramatic effect on me, well, nothing does, but it was great. I felt kind of refreshed after it. Strange but true. Oh wells. Through the retreat, i realised, that i'm very blessed. Or as michelle says, i have a very sheltered life. which is good. In my opinon at least. I remember during last year's retreat i had many things to say. this year, there was nothing. this is probably because of my focus or rather focuses in life at this point in time. And, I also realised, that i blame alot of things on myself, rather than on others. that is interesting, considering the fact that i complain so much. but complaining is fun...YES, it is!
today is such a realisingy day. haha. i also concluded that i cry only for the following reasons.
one being that i am frustrated and someone refuses to listen to me because they think they are oh so much better than me. two being that something or someone is being unreasonable. and three being injustice, no elaboration needed here right?
i feel so reflective today. HMM. wheee. i shall focus on interpersonal grievances, that is being upset not with the things around me but me. cause i won't hurt myself or complain about myself, since i love myself too much. HAHA.
yes. and i realise that i am an extremely happy person. YAY! and nothing seems to bother me. INDEEFEERRREENCE.(indifference) HAHA. yupps.
and lastly. i shall not be stressed. and i am not stressed.
"i'm your imaginary superstar"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Saturday, March 17, 2007
♥ 2:05 PM
whee.homework, the joy.
i'm dying of english comprehension.
actually, i don't have much homework left, but i can't summon my concentration to finish the english compre, cause its so boring and nothing's getting into that thick head of mine.
yawn.
rahh. compre is boring. i want to sleep. hols have ended/are ending. rahh. there's cat class later, and its ministry day. i think i'm supposed to go down to church to help, but no one told me no nothing, so yeah. i just won't go. aren't you a slacker, jaime? yes yes, but i'm tired and i have homework to do too. yes i do. rahh. homework and projects shall be put on a stick and burnt to hell. they should be crucified instead of jesus, because jesus helped people, but homework and projects just annoy us to no end and suck out all the energy and interest out of us, and kill our interests! RAHH.
AND, teacher's should learn to manage their impulsivity to give us less homework, rather than pile on us, as if we were weighing machines, so that they can weigh their homework. firstly, homework,wastes our paper. and then it wastes our ink. and then it wastes our time and energy. RAHH.
there's no sense in what i'm saying, because what the teachers are giving us are supposed to be good. some good homework, aye? but anyways. yawn. time for homework, and horrid radio. the radio's playing silly things now. where has all the good music gone?
"to hell with the homework and projects!"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Friday, March 16, 2007
♥ 10:46 PM
while elizabeth decides not to reply my instant messages, i shall blog.
my performance in today's cross country isn't bad, i suppose. it was satisfactory, shall we say?
i don't think i did my best. i think i could have done better, i always do. i need to know what my best is. cause i don't know how much to push.i'm afraid that i'd die from trying too hard, but i'm afraid that i've not done my best. i suppose this is the beauty and also the horror of the sport. what an irony.
today's friday. usually i like fridays, but this friday does not signify the end of a horrid school week, filled with trials and tribulations, but rather the end of a rather un-holiday like holiday. sigh. back to the books.or rather, and addition of the books. the holidays really didn't feel like a holiday. i haven't even gone out aimlessly, just walking around and window shopping. when was the last time i watched a movie, walked around aimlessly and just hung? last year, after christmas. now isn't that a long time. everything's been going over my head.so basically, i just had a pointless week. which is great don't you think?let's recall what i've done shall we?sunday, passion play rehearsal, cl, golf. and then monday, training and passion play rehearsal. tuesday, dental, tuition and a great amount of agony. wednesday, lunching with mich, training, passion play rehearsal. thursday, meeting to discuss project(s), homework. friday, competition, lunch and dinner, homework. this is the life i lead, the week i love. my ass.
OH NO, and it doesn't end there, no it doesn't. the next weeks till cross country nationals will be equally busy, if not busier. isn't my schedule just the one that everybody wants. my ass. i'm just pissed with the world now. and i need a break from all these time absorbers and brain suckers. seriously.rahh.i'm just really sad that i kinda burnt my hols, on worthless things and people. so much to do, so little time. oh how much that applies now. the teachers should hold those projects. the people who are acting should hold their mouths, the coaches should hold their complaints and the other groups should just mind their own businesses.
everything's messed up now, and i just need a rest. oh how relevant the song boston is now. i think i'll go to boston, where nobody knows my name. let's sort everything out bit by bit. homework, projects, competitions, tasks to complete, trainings, people, events, things,
myself. its easy to cope, but its hard to do everything well. i know i tell my parents that i can, but can i really? all i know now, is that i have to, in order to fulfill my dreams and goals, in order to live up to expectations, in order to not disappoint anyone. i've just got to,
manage.
"its a matter of managing time, my ass
"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
♥ 8:05 PM
today, i woke up happy.
why? I shall not tell you. WAHHA.
anyway.anyway.
i think passion play is going to be great!(positive attitude)and we should all stop fussing, since the people who are acting don't really care if they embarass themselves and if they ministry gets closed down by our mere reluctance and laziness. i had so much to say that day during practice, but then it'll waste all our times and also i'm nice. how nice is it to tell someone that their empty vessels in front of them.seriously. and that there's alot of free time during practices. BLOODY HELL. can you see that we're in great agony trying to finish the props in time already, and you say your free and you don't want to help. what's your problem.seriously. and after lissa says that you can come help, and you don't want to help! then don't complain!bloody hell.
sorry. i'm being mean.
there's swift tomorrow anyway. which is scary. tomorrow will be fun, i like competitions. yes i like it.positive attitude!yes yes! i hope i will do well please please please. i want to do well. yes i do. scary. NO ITS NOT.positive attitude. let me enjoy it and do my very best. that's all i'm asking for. OH and to calm my nerves too.yes yes. alrighty.
i hope we finish our projects in time. our teachers enjoy piling work on us. its supposed to be good, but too much, really can kill.sad sad. RAHH. i hope we do well. please let us do well. I WANT TO DO WELL LAH. since all the projects we've done so far, have seen to screw up...bad. its true! oh wells.
obsessions. i need to curb my obsessions. and everybody who knows me well enough, would agree. i admit that i'm obsessive. i'm sorry. its natural.its not my fault pleeease!
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
-Jesse McCartney; Just so you know.
and now you know.
"i talked to spongebob last night."jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Monday, March 12, 2007
♥ 10:15 PM
hellooo.
lissa says my posts are emo.
they're not emo, they're
reflective.
different okay!
haha. just now when i was going for training, in the bus, i was listening to my mp3. and i was listening to over it by annelise de vanderpol or something like that. yeah. and then i recalled how sad it was to me a few months ago and everything. actually it was just the title and a few lines, but yeah. i thought i would never get over not getting leadership positions etc. and i realise how air headed i was. now i can barely care. why? cause fel is soo stressed, imagine if i become like her. i would have totally no life, not like i have much of it now, but still. you'll have so many things weighing you down and soo many things to do. so, therefore i don't think i want them. oh wells. this is a random thought.
uhhuh. i'm feeling neutral. whee. and i'm having a really caged and regimental life at this point of time, and i am feeling neutral.okay...something is wrong with me. seriously.oh wells. my choice and i've got to support my choices to the very end, ganbate! its choices that we make that make us, its things we do that judge us and its things that we say that carry us through. oh well. i'm feeling neutral about the saddest things, and sad about things people say about others, AND, i'm still complaining about a certain someone. so hypocritical, please! oh wells. i need to sleep so that i can grow tall-er, study, to achieve my little goal, train, to be formidable and to be disciplined, so that i would be nagged at less. yes, that is what i have to do. HAAA.
and something is wrong with me. i told you!!! this doesn't make any sense. it never does. HEEEEEEEE. oh wells. i think my problem is this indifferent attitude toward anything that's not exactly what i think i need to do. indifference, it isn't a bad thing. cause i don't get saddened by normally-saddening-things. but it isn't good, cause you can't exactly show sympathy and you aren't exactly normal. or rather your reactions to things aren't at least. oh wells. i'm explaining everything out, for no good reason. wow. go figure.
oh wells. i kinda like being indifferent and regimented and caged.haha. regimented and ill-disciplined what a combination. haha. i'm spending too much time on the computer. i need to get nagged less. and its damn late already.
"indifference will pull you through the tough times."well, it uses less of your emotional space and gives you more concentration, i think.
jaime. the indifferent warrior.:D
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
♥ 10:51 PM
HAHA.
i pissed lizzi off.
but i just REALLY don't feel like it.
its too mature for me.
i'm still in the world of musical chairs and newspaper games.
i'll wait till its my turn and my time.
yes. waiting is good.
its better than knowing good or bad.
yes it is.
i'm a strange little girl who doesn't want to get real or grow up.
i'm sorry. that's just me.
i don't feel like it, REALLY.
i've been caged up too long, now i enjoy a cage. HEHS.
its become a lifestyle.
okay. i'm sleepy. nighty night.
told you i still feel like i'm FIVEEE.
"i'm not ready"jaime.:D
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
♥ 9:35 PM
AYE. what a week.
last night i slept at 12 woke up at 2 and woke up at 545, however am i going to be tall?
today it was a rather relaxing day at school, after that i rushed off for heats then rushed back home then rushed to church.what a very exciting day...don't you think?
i think the sec2s this year are really a really horrid batch of people. don't you think? i heard that cl was really fun and all before WE came in. so is it our fault? i don't know. even in school... our track batch is one of the smallest. our level's standard is one of the lowest. our behaviour is also one of the worse. at least mrs tan says that of 2-1...i guess. but i think we really should have put in more effort for passion play.really. its quite a major thing and the attendance is very bad. i really don't know why i'm blogging about this...its not really my business anyway. but... i don't know. i really don't like disappointing othier people, much less myself. maybe that's why. our props session wasn't really planned. i was looking through the props on friday trying to get something done in my head. maybe we're just not trying hard enough. i shall promise myself that this year's props will be fantastic. because if you are given a responsibility, you've got to do your job well.accept responsibilities!
i think i'm put up with many challenges for this year. people in groups, time and events, misfortunes and misadventures. that kind of things. i think my stuff is kinda messed up. i've got to get everything in tip top condition to excel.and excel well. why? cause this is sec2 year, streaming year, application year. it's THE year. i really need to get things working for me.nothing seems to be working right and well now, i hope this is temporary. i really need to do better. i need to focus.hard.embrace challenges!
there are many things for me to go past this year. there are so many limits waiting for me to break them, push them. i can do it. i know i can. i just need a little push from the sad sad reality. which i have gotten too much of. i need to work harder. i need to focus. i need to excel.hear me, read me, understand me? i need to push the limits and go that far. push limits!
i need to do alot this year. i know i can. help me Lord above and will inside. I know i can. help me through.
"its through the darkness, that we learn to see"jaime. NEEDS.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Sunday, March 04, 2007
♥ 10:09 PM
whee.
lots to do.
whatever shall i do?*GASP*
nothing.haha, nothing at all.
wheeeeeeeeee.
i'm going alone, i don't care.
and i don't mind. :DDD
really!
lizzi's so enthu maan!
if she doesn't let me in...i'll gate crash!
i want to see what these parties are like.
wahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
whoots whoots.
i'm saving myself for j1 man.
i shall be promiscuous!!!
why j1? cause i set myself a target?
HEHEE.HEHEEEHEEEE.
i think i should sleep already.
i anyhow did my chinese. HECK CARE.
like i care?
not like every piece or work counts, YET. haa.
i'm so silly. really.
why am i like that.
cause i rock.
"i think i'm too nice"jaime. the promiscuous.:D
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Saturday, March 03, 2007
♥ 11:49 PM
i'm feeling sian.
can you tell?
whee. chinese sucks man.
i hate chinese.
and its my heritage? WOW.
i'm too slackish. look at all those Alevel people.
they are so hardworking.
can be SEA game athlete and get 3 or 4 As. incredible right?
nope, it's normal. i need to strive harder.
and be less SLACK.
i'm feeling sian, why?
cause there are things that i just can't control, and it sucks, cause i want them badly. SAD or BAD? i don't know.
oh wells. its God's plan i suppose, and if its fated, it will happen, if not, nothing will go.
so i've got to accept it...i suppose.
and i've got to work hard, since for some things, my fate is not sealed yet.
or not known. so i need to work hard to have a good one.
i've been hoping so much, i was wondering what happens if my hopes crash
would i just break down, and die.
since its been all i've been hoping and waiting and working for.
my motivation, my life.
if that's all there is, what happens when its gone?
i ask myself these, all too often...but nothing comes.
i need to make sure it comes, so i don't fall so far.
or break down..
i just need to. i know its God's plan...but God helps those who help themselves.
i don't know.
but i really want it.bad.
it would change me.i know it would.
socially, mentally, physically and psychologically.
i know it would.
i'd be a better person, altogether
but what if i don't get it.
its all i've been thinking of recently.
what if i
don't.WHAT IF.
the world is filled with this element of uncertainty which makes everyone feel scared and afraid for their futures, their hopes and their dreams.
if we knew what would happen, we wouldn't work, because the fate wouldn't change.
but if we did know, we wouldn't waste our time on useless things.
I just need to try harder.
Lord above, help me.
Help me go higher and higher.
set me free, set me free.
Help my soul, help my body.
I want this bad.
Help me do my best.
"can't you see the yearning?"jaime. i want this bad.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
♥ 10:18 PM
HELLO WORLD. i love steph's party.
we were high and mighty.
especially when we were walking caroline out and when we were walking back.
I WILL TAKE THE PHOTO OF THAT DAMN NICE ROAD SIGN.
my memory was ZEERO.so no choice. meow.
we woke the dogs up.
taiti was fun. lizzi kept being king. and me queen and stepg small donkey and suu big donkey. DAMN funny can!
and then and then. it was just great. i can't wait for the next one!
it was damn fun lah. parties are great.
kim's party how? invite myself. but i'm female.
great. what am i to do.
don't go?haha. maybe. i won't know. how am i supposed to invite someone?
SERIOUSLY, i'm not in my paradise school yet, so that's like ALMOST impossible.
anyway. on the way home. i saw this person in this green shirt cycling and waving hands. SIAOO. so late already still cycle.
so late already still walk to busstop and laugh and talk so loudly.oops.
I AM AN ANTI-ALCOHOLIC. it is a nono for me.
haha. remember jolly shandy?
i can't hold my alcohol and chilli. I am good.
WAHAA. i need to train. feeling unfit. need to trainn.
yes i do. i love jaime!
*shouts"HELLO JAIME!"*jaime.is high.
and is jealous of caroline(literally)'s full marks.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Friday, March 02, 2007
♥ 11:16 PM
exams are OVER.
the end.
thus concludes the story of the exams.SUCKO.
don't ask me about exams i'll just tell you something like over or ended.
its done with. and gone. whee.
time to get on with life.
my brain REALLY wasn't working during cl today.
so, naturally i was crapping.
colin chng has a really nice uniform, please and thank you.
cl was short today. so strange. it never is that short...
oh welll. stations was... tiring. i was stoned. cause i was tired.
and francesca's creation of the CAROLINE is widely used now.i publicised her obsession. wahhaaa.ITS TRUE.
i didn't come up with it. its silly.
marrissa says she hates fish. she hates the christian symbol thing.
she resents the fact that she is christian(catholic). WHAT A BADD PERSON, seriously!
i miss michelle. the last time we went out and went crazy was AGES ago. when we were doing stats. and now we're doing RATE. that's alot of time okay. but its whooshing by soo quickly. and its end of year tomorrow! YES! i am changing uniform soon. HUH? what talking you jaime? i don't know. frankly. haha. you like frank? HUH. who is frank? frankly? what the hell. why are you soo lame?
haha. talking to myself. again.oh wells. don't disturb me! i'm talking to myself.omg. the lameness.
"incomprehesible,incoherent"jaime.she's in love with herself.
the ego and narcisism.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?