Tuesday, July 31, 2007
♥ 5:38 PM
Stop making it hard for me to brainwash myself, dammit!
Oh stop giving yourself false hope already, Jaime.
why does everything seem to fit themselves into that impossible dream?Tomorrow marks the beginning of August.
Which means, 2 more months. Hell yeah.
I shall not think about the future. I shall not.
Oh, who am I kidding? I can't wait!
I need more focus and concentration!
Stardeeeeeeee!Thank you Courtney Kheng for yesterday! I hope your game today went well, yeah? Thank you for giving me a reason to sit down and mug! Again, again! WE SHALL GET OUR ALTHOUGH EXTREMELYEXPENSIVEANDEXORBITANT HOT AND SEXY DARLINGS! Yes, we will. Save harder, Study harder! Birthday/Christmas Present! Yeeeey!
I can't help thinking about the future!
The end is so imminent! I want it to end, but I don't want it to finish. I'll miss it all, I'll want it all back. But I want the new beginning
so muchhh! Contradicting! Let's hide away in our books and study harder now!
Alrightio. I shall go do some productive and accomplishing works. I need my money. Prefably 500 please, and thank you.
Stardeeeeeee!We shall strive, and soarrr!
"I don't like him, I don't like him."jaime. the brainwashing process.
I need to be sure, y'know?
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Saturday, July 28, 2007
♥ 3:23 PM
Shut up, Rihana. I am over
you."P.S. I AM STILL OVER YOU."jaime. OH SHUT UP RIHANA.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
♥ 2:57 PM
I was just looking at my archives.
Oh man. It was may last year that I decided that I would refuse to do IP.
And just 2 months after that, I hungered so much to get in.
And now, a year and 2 months later. I am in.
And I realised how much I wanted to get into RJ.
Well, things change don't they. Things change.
And I realised how much my profile here on my blog would change.
Greatly, greatly. See the amount of eradications?
No, they won't be gone entirely. They'll just be changed.
I won't forget the memories I had, and the people that I love.
No, I won't. No I won't at all.
But I can't help thinking how much life would change, and how much
I would change.
And I saw how much I wanted to do triple science.
Well, I still get to do it, I guess.
And. How much I wanted that closeness.
And how much sometimes I think I still do.
But you see, its different, its different.
How different, I don't know.
I just don't want to be back at square one.
Stupid, embarrassed and faraway.
I want things to work out this time.
Yes, I do.
Opportunity cost.
I'd gain joy and experience. But I'd lose safety.
I can't help thinking how much I'd miss everyone, and everything.
But, I can't help thinking about how much fun I'd have.
How much more I'd learn, how much I'd change and grow.
How much I'd follow what I've wanted to do.
How much I'll try to outshine and fail.
And yet, still know I am good enough.
How much I'd feel.
I really want it. But I don't know its what I need.
I hope it is. And I'm hoping its the right choice.
I really do. I'll cope. I know I will.
Or at least, I'll try.
Thank you, Lord.
You did this much for me, knowing now, I'd ask for more.
You knew how much would be expected of me, now.
And I know you'd pull me through. You'd guide me.
Help me. I need your help more than ever now.
And yet, I thank you everyday.
"MONK-GO GOO-MEE!"jaime. sometimes you need to lose something, to gain something else.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Monday, July 23, 2007
♥ 8:00 PM
REACTIONS.
Why's the reaction like that?
I'm apprehensive myself, no doubt.
But I've been given this chance, and I've wanted it so much.
I'm not throwing it away because of fear and because of distance.
I won't. I won't. Its gone through in my head a gazillion times.
I want this so badly, can't you understand.
From the day that we started making up this plan.
I wanted it so much. We wanted it so much. We really wanted to make this work.
Did you think I trained so hard for nothing? Did you think I went to find out so many things just to socialise? No. I wanted it. I wanted something new.
At first, it was to get out of the problems that tumbled down. Then it was a challenge, and then it was just something that I wanted. No words could explain.
I prayed so hard. Did you think it was for fun?
Some things just don't go the way I want them to, but I'll stick to it.
I don't care if you don't approve of my going.
I've wanted this for too long. And I am not giving up. Even if I have to live like this for the next 3 months. Avoiding people. Avoiding tantrums. I've been given this chance, and I believe its from God. I'll take it, and make the best out of it. Now its your turn to decide. To accept my choice, or to be angry at me for getting the chance to choose. Your choice. You could spend the next 3 months with me, happily. Creating happy memories for us all to treasure. Or just spoil it, so that you won't remember me at all. YOUR CHOICE, not mine.
"Cause I don't think that they'd understand."jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Sunday, July 22, 2007
♥ 3:02 PM
Dreams really do come true.
Now, I believe.
It was one year ago where I plonked myself before my laptop talking to michelle, about what I didn't like and how I wanted to get it all away. And then we came up with this plan to go somewhere new, somewhere exciting, somewhere where we'd all have a fresh new start and a new chance at things. And that was it. Our dream.
My dream.And now, one year later, where I still remember how far I thought the dream was and how unlikely it was for it to be realised. I'm here knowing that God's given me what I've been praying for. And I'm here faced with a choice. To go, or not to go. Its been something I've wanted so much for so long. But its something that'll define the next 2-4 years of my life. I really want to have a go at it. But I'm afraid. That I'll lack behind, that I won't do well. But I know that you really can't let fear get in the way of the pursuit of the things we want. And I think of everything I'll leave behind. All those friendships fostered, everything that I've worked for. But then again, everything I worked for, was for this dream. So, its a decision, I'll have to make.
While I haven't made my decision yet, I think that I'll probably go for it. I'm very sorry, my dear friends that I won't be there anymore. I never really thought I mean that much, and still, I don't. But I'll always remember all the times we've had in our hearts. And I'll always treasure you. Really. And, you know that you'll always have me here, just a phone call away. I'll still be here. Things will change, but ultimately it will. Its just sooner or later. Nothing stays the same forever. Really. I'm sorry for all the sadness incurred. Let's treasure the remaining time anyways.
OH. and I'm really sorry that due to some responsibilities we can't carry out plans as planned. I feel guilty. I'm really really sorry. I really wanted to go too. But yeah. Haii. Choices. I hope you all have fun, then.
"cause its reasons darling, you'll never know"jaime.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
♥ 6:55 PM
Nationals is almost over!
There's only final day left for me!
Finallyy!
I have one more individual race and one more team race.
It'll be all over soon. But I probably will miss all the nonsensical fun we've had.
And our seniors and junior will go bye bye now. So sad. :/
And we won't get to AHEMcutclassesAHEM anymore, but I guess that's cool.
I've learnt quite alot really, and I really hope that we'll work hard for next year!
Oh wells. Tomorrow, Courtney and I go out!
HURRAY! The long awaited day.
Its FRIDAYY tomorrow. Finally!
Caution: Tomorrow, If you need to talk to me or something, the chances of you being able to get in touch with a sensible, normal and not hyper Jaime is really low. I sincerely apologise.
Its been fun. I've found out so many things.
Well, not really. But a few things.
Its interesting, really.
And I'm really excited and hyper now.
Soooo... Waiting is killing me. Seriously.
Homework. There's alot.
2 days void of school. What would you expect?!
I want to play hide&seek again.
But I think, I won't get a chance. :/
Bother. Another time, another place then!
No more training. No more seniors and junior.
Oh man. That'll suck.
I'll miss all your nonsense Pokemons!
I will, I will.
But still, we'll run for Jesus.(:
VICTORIAJUNIORCOLLEGE SHOULD CALL ME SOON TO TELL ME THAT THEY WANT ME, BECAUSE I WANT THE CALL SO BADLY. THANK YOU.
I've finally relinked people who I know I'm supposed to relink and edited my blog and stuff. Hehs, easier for you people. Yay!
I'm too excited! Excitement destroys concentration! Going, gone.
"Fight the pain, don't give up!"Jaime. We'll run for Jesus!
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Sunday, July 08, 2007
♥ 3:05 PM
nationals tomorrow!
i'm freaked out totally!
lots of things have been happening.
keyboard died, people on my nerves, etc.
we changed departments for cl.
i'm admin ic now. i'd thought that my ic-ing was overr!HMPH!
admin isn't as alive as pa, but its okay i guess.
i hope everything will go right!
in admin, in nats and with the interview.
IHOPETHEY'LLCALLMEANDACCEPTMEEEEE!
awkwardness kills and i'm going away from here.
"i'm hoping for a miracle."jaime. faulty laptops kill.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?
Monday, July 02, 2007
♥ 10:52 PM
I am working on a tight tight time limit.
Hey, I know it sucks being unappreciated and unseen. Like everything behind the scenes ain't important and everything. But what's important is what YOU get out of it, from the process. It isn't what people see you as, because ultimately its GOD who sees you as your best and he's the only one who can judge you. He's the only one who matters. Just do your best and what you think is right. There'll always be obstacles in your life and in the way of you, but its those that help you grow and become the person that you will be. And, even if the whole world despises you, you've got GOD, your parents and the friends who care about you and will love you no matter what. You know they'll always be there. Appreciation is shallow. When you get your fill now, in heaven it'll all be gone. I know how much a simple sincere 'thank you' or a 'i hope you feel better' can make the darkest room bright, but sometimes its impossible for these things to come. So, you've just got to trust that what you do is important. For we can do no great things, just small things with great love. It'll all be fine. You know you're loved, darling. Its your choice to be happy remember and to brush it all off. (:
"make the right choices, trust the Lord."jaime.i'm here to help.
&when will you take me away on a balloon?