Apples--chopped,chewed,swallowed,digested and energized.

2008-04-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

HELLO :D
I've moved house since longgggggg ago, if you're wondering.
http://rundance.livejournal.com
(: seeeeyous!

2008-03-08T17:23:00.003+08:00

GO DIE BLOGGER.
DIE ON ME SOMEMORE.
I hateyouhateyouhateyouhateyou.
I'm moving!
GOODBYE SO LONG AND NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!
My super long post got eaten up okay. I'm gonna cry!
NEHNEHPOK. DIEDIEDIE!

2008-03-07T23:41:00.003+08:00

I MISS AND SRSLY LOVE CAMP!
laalalalalalala. can't believe we complained about it.
i really really really wish that we stayed longer.
i mean, we won't have no homework and stress of singapore stufff.
guess we gotta come back and continue to live life.
lalalalala.

WHILE YOU WERE STUDYING...
we were having tonnes a fun:
CHEERING!
TALKING!
RAFTING!
TYING!
DUNKING AND WETTING PEOPLE!
BEING LEECHED!
WAlKING!
BEING SMELLY!
LEARNING!
LOVING (OUR FRIENDS)!
CAMPING!
HELPING!
CIP-ING!
AND SLEEPING!
haha we weren't homeworking at all! :D

HAHAH BETCHA SERIOUSLY JEALOUS!
super refreshing.
it was super nice to have you friends with you 24/7.
made lots and lots of friends built stronger bonds!
LALALALALALA. i love camp!

I LOVE PINGPONGBALL!
I LOVE 08V13!
I LOVE PONG!
I LOVE VIP'08!
I LOVE MY FRIENDSSSSSS!
GONNA MISS THE COMPANY AND EVERYTHING.
EVEN OUR INSTRUCTORS AND STUPID TOILETS! <33

ARE YOU HUNGRY?:D

"its others before self; forever and always"
jaime.

2008-03-03T12:21:00.002+08:00

zomgggggggggggggg! pahang today loveeys!
SEEYOU GOODBYE AND HAVE FUNN (w/o me duing your term time!)
don't miss meeee too much! AND BE GOOD NAUGHTY KIDS!

oh and if i die in pahang,
come to my funeral in bottoms that cover longer than fbts!
i dont wanna die with sore eyes! :D
thanksssssss! (:

"i feel like dancing, dancing!"
jaime. :D:D

2008-03-02T23:44:00.003+08:00

PAHANG TOMORROW!
aren't y'all just oh so super very extremely excited?:D
it'll be so much fun spending one whole week of great times with our batch mates.
and bonding as a class, yeah man one threeeeeeeeeee!
we're gnna have the most fun, aren't we?
and i know all you people studying like mad out there are just so super jealous of us! :D
lalalala. time to enjoy after one hardcore week of tests and what nots!
whooooosh!

really hope we'll enjoy ourselves alot.
and i really really hope the leeches aren't that hungry at all.
lalalalaa. guess something's are just great the way they are.
ONE WEEK (or less) PHONELESS. i'm gonna ~~die~~ live!
i mean, i'm not living on a phone like i used to anymore, huh?
i'll admit it. those phoneful times felt great okay.
i won't say i hated them, no, i didn't. it was great. i wanted it to last.
thought it was built to last. even though i kept telling myself it wasn't.
obviously, when its over so suddenly, i missed it like mad. and yeah, sucked.
i know it's been real long. but damn, i still feel insufficient.
oh wells. guess only time will tell. :D

i don't know i don't know.
i guess i'm over this whole thing.
its just that alot of times i wonder why.
why couldn't it just work. whyyyyy.
but then. we got to just accept what comes.
soooo, i don't want to waste anymore time and energy.
i'm probably real bitter. i mean, why else would i comment about the indecency right?
just let her be and get raped by a rapist, cause its freaking her fault anyway.
guess i'll just have to let time do its work. ho humph.

anyhow. i'll have lots of fun in pahang!
a really good break from the hustle and bustle of school work and trainings!
just let loose and go wild! its just a few days in a foreign land!
LALALALALALALALALALALALA!
i'm gonna lovee this week.
don't care anymore. i don't wanna waste my time trying to reason with myself.
so not worth my million dollar/second time. so not worth.
i'll let my thoughts run away and hope they never come back.
seeyou never again thoughts of regret!
LALALALALA!
(i'm going to do my lit. hohumph!)

"please go away!"
jaime.

OH AND TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO'RE TAKING TESTS:
GOOOOOOOD LUCK!
STUDY HARD AND BE ENLIGHTENED!

oh and to my very naughty friends,
don't be too playful and too caught up with your little intimate moments in the cinemas and by the lockers and what have you. Be wary, God's watching! :D:D

2008-02-29T22:47:00.003+08:00

LEAP YEAR!
zomg!
i'm so happy today okay!
i'm so excited about pahang now!
do you know how much fun we'll have?
and there ain't no more school for the next week!
i'm so loving the sensation of worklessness.
and guess what. i think i'm over the whole thing, officially.
okay, so i still can't stand short short short shorts/skirts. but that's indecency.
different thing! shorter than your fbt tan is nuts lah!
uniforms are okay! :D we need to be different once in awhile! heh!

i'm super happy.
repeat: SUPER happy.
i don't care already lah.
i'm just a well-behaved child.
who ain't gonna make no more stupid choices.
i love life and won't kill myself. ever.'
but its not like i'll prevent death to the extent that i'm obsessed with life.
no! if i'm to die, then just die lah! we'll go to heaven and smile down!
ain't that fab?
LALALALALALALALALA!
tell me how great this is okay!

no more disappointments, no more letdowns.
i don't care, i dont care!
change for the better. we'll keep changing.
grow, bloom and fantasize!
i dream of a happy ending, i know y'all do too!
dreams in which prince charming comes over with his whole book of memorised cheesy pickup lines that he's memorised genuinely, cause he thinks its cool. and that he really loves you.
(queue: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!)
haha! yeah right! dream on! that's one thing i just can't see being true to our world!
but i'm still smiling!

friends!
guess i won't stay away anymore.
thank you god!
i'm so glad this whole thing is over.
and i'm so glad i'm not starting anything.
no more distractions, no more facades [haha vanessa, fa-car-deys!]
yessss. i am a good girl!

night folggies! (:

"in this life"
jaime!(:

2008-02-27T23:50:00.002+08:00

RFEQWEOQQWDOAASFDKS!
wahhhhh! si le la!

dont know whats wrong with me lah.
DIEDIEDIE.
hazard alert okay! cannot tell me anything anymore.
later i tell away. gotta stop this, here and now.
wahlalalalalala.
sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!
cannot cannot do this anymore.
dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
supersupersupersupersorry!

dont know what's wrong with me.
one secret, two secret. FLY AWAY.
jaime tan. i'm seriously gonna kill you soon!

~okay, back to sandai!
"D. I. E!"
jaime :/

2008-02-25T23:51:00.002+08:00

LALALALALA.
its a good day!
despite the probable failures of all the tests i've taken.
goodluck to me jaimeeeeeeee!
our God lives. :D
and that's all that matters.

right after then, i refused your friendship.
i'll give you a hug, and i'll tell you its over.
i'm leaving all that behind.
and pretending it never happened.
goodbye heartbreaks!

Word(s) of the day: FAITH&BELIEVE! :D

"i can't impose"
jaime.

2008-02-24T18:13:00.003+08:00

HELLO!:D

shouldn't be here now, really.
cause i missed golf to study/do work.
shouldn't have missed golf, cause dad pays for it.
but, i couldn't miss passion play either right?
i mean, look at how bad we are:/
feel like i'm not doing enough.
but i really really cannot offer more time. want me to pull time out of a box?
how about wish for time at 1111?
sadly, none of that works.
y'know what. i srsly shouldn't be in the passion play comm.
i can't say no to anyone. i'm sorry, but its me.
i mean, being humans we gotta sympathise right?
i dont know lah. i just feel that if you dont wanna come, and we force you down, then its really pointless. i dont know i dont know. we're screwing up majorly.
can't let this happen. i can screw cross or school but can't screw church stuff.
we're supposed to this for GOD. for the KIDS. for people who need it. not for ourselves.
but i can't screw anything else. cause my mum would just me.
guess it'd be much easier if i were in ijtp. but, this is cool :D
my life's more eventful k! learn more stuff!

i'll be more on top of things.
i promise.
cause they say that when God gives you something, he means you can cope with it.
guess God thinks i can cope with lotsa things.
can't let him down, can we?
really don't like having passionplay be a major friggin' screw up.
but by rehearsal, jaime's already half dead. and seeing some people just nauseates me.
you know the drill. i'm trying, i'm trying! but, i've never been this pushed away before.
its just no fair. still feel not good enough, after so long.
you can tell me what you like. that there'll always be someone. and oh love exists.
but do you honestly think i'll believe you anm? after all that, i just wanna dig a hole in the ground and forget about love, forget about all these. just throw them away and never let them come back. humans never learn, they say. i'm trying to learn. lets reverse convention.
i really must learn not to hold grudges.
but, it sucked so bad okay. i'll say it straight.
having your heartbroken by someone who you thought was heartbroken and made you think that magic happens. and then later seeing the assh with a ring on his finger.
haha, you'd think i'd feel great, won't you?
ever felt like you weren't good enough?
like you were overtook by a tortoise.
that's it man. that's it. feels like crap.

okay. whatevs.
the main point of this post is that.
if you're involved in passion play right.
i'd appreciate it if y'all helped out more, did more, came more.
i know some people can't come/ don't wanna come and all.
i really don't mind. cause sometimes we don't wanna come either.
but what i'm saying is that, i just want it to work.
now will y'all just cooperate and make something work?
its not for any of us, you know? God above's watching.

training, school, church, golf. and it starts over.
its a vicious cycle. you stop working, you start failing.
so therefore, you can't stop working.
but if you don't you'll start failing.
your body'll start failing. you'll just sleep.
now. tell me what i'm gonna do.
gotta work. gotta train. gotta try. gotta gotta gotta.

guess i see why all this ended before school started.
can you imagine me trying to juggle my handphone and my work.
dont think so. think i'd just break down and die. lie down and die.
evaporate my spirit over a bunsen burner and filtrate my heart away.
whoooooosh. isn't that what would happen if it didn't end?
okay now. hush jaime. it was for your own good.
now, stop complaining. and stop saying that he's gonna fail.
cause he won't. and she won't care if her shorts are too short.
so stop wasting your time. thanks.

been pretty outright lately.
but you'll don't mind, right?
betcha love it. cause now you'd know what i'm always beating around the bush about.
lalalalalala. its been a long while. and its not over. can't stand it. during chem tmrw, maybe i'll try to distil away the negative thoughts. maybe that'd work.

okay. gotta chem. gotta geog. gotta math.
gotta goooooooo! :D

there's nothing you can do, nothing you can say.
i know how it feels when love goes away.

after so long. i still don't know why oh why i believed this whole thing.
don't know why. don't know what's wrong with me.
something's i wish i could do all over again.

guess sometimes a pretentious facade just gets the better of you.

lalalala. friends, don't give up. yeah?
keep smiling, keep trying!
its not just one chance, its many chances!

"you can't change the past, cause its gone. you just gotta move on."
jaime.
(sometimes its harder to accept than it seems)

2008-02-22T23:02:00.003+08:00

ZOMG!
didn't know one week of school could take up so much energy.
really feel like i can drop dead now, and wake up on monday morning.
but obviously, that isn't an option, considering:
a) the various studying:/ stuff
b) the homework that BRILLIANT jaime has left incomplete
c) the vast multitude of commitments that needs me to commit to and;
d) the serious lack of time.

oh wells.
i'm soo tired that i'm just gonna drop dead onto my bed in- soon and just wake up tmrw morning to get my stuff done.
no, i'm not lazy, its just that i'm super super super tired okay!
guess time really doesn't wait for no man(or girl).
everything's flying by.
been happy this week. (One two three: YAY! :D)
there are somethings which, really suck suck suck lah.
and it doesn't feel right anymore, cause like the importance is lost.
just cause of situations and stuff. but, i don't really care anymore, i guess.
what's important is that there are still supporters and you're there if they need you.
(which in this case, is highly unlikely.)
humans can't focus, they just keep moving on. thinking something's always better.
our mistakes. oh humph!

having said all that,
i'm love love loving my life though!
trying to cope and cope well.
guess its real tough, but we'll get through!
we can do this!:D

jiayou!
don't give up alright?
we'll be the best, always.

ohyeah,
thanks friends for the chance :D
guess God gives you what you can cope with.
hope i can cope. i'll do my best for y'all.
i'll be a better (person) friend.

jaime's gotta stop being paranoid over:-
basketball, shortskirts(eewwww!), uhhh shorts, wasabi, pandas, birds, bimboticness(the 08v13 stuff is perfectly fine!), relationships, asshs, hearts,past experiences(it'll affect LA okay! iser's indeterminate text!), etc.
guess you should know where i'm heading. i'm trying okay! i haven't stabbed a knife in anyone yet right? okay violent tendencies.

"mei yi tian dou kai xin shi wo gei zi ji de yue ding"
(being happy everyday is a goal/agreement for myself)
jaime! (:

2008-02-16T19:24:00.002+08:00

i resolve to
train harder and give my heart.
gotta concentrate, and never give up.
study hard, train hard.
be responsible and just look that way.

can't make myself go nuts again.
i've got things to do and things to see.

cross country was good
CAUSE THERE WAS NO LESSONS.
it rocks to have no training. to actually go out.
i mean, we do nothing but study and run.
loved yesterday. funx3!

cross country was okay.
betcha didn't feel tired.
it was less tiring than training's 3.3, i hope.
could've pushed harder, could've run faster.
but i guess its enough. don't know what i can do.
just gotta slowly make my way there.
come on, its not very long to nats.
wanna fly high, wanna do what's intended.
offer it up to God above.
give him your heart's desire.

guess its back to boring old school, monday.
guess its back to tiring tough training, monday.
guess its time to hit the books and back to the tire of school, monday.
no more veedays or xcdays or anything anymore.
its serious time, jaime!

gonna meet the targets set.
gonna do my best.
come on come on.
tryyyyyyyyyyyy!

gotta forgive.
gotta help.
gotta try.
gotta fly.

and every night, we'll pray for the world to change.
to wake up and see something different.
but everyday we wait,
and hope that someday, it'll come.

PALS(including but no restricted to, vivian!)
we gotta be happy okay!
its okay okay okay.
hard times gonna come and knock you down.
but all you gotta do is pick yourself and keep running.
what's behind you is behind you, just keep it up.
look forward and over take!
you've gotta be happier and give it all !
come on come on come on!
stop letting your heart bleed,
and mend it, heal it and SMILE.(:

lalalala. rubbish jaime, stop it!

jaime's one day buffet was a spur of a moment thing. thank god!

"break a heart, spoil a life(temporarily)."
jaime.

2008-02-14T22:01:00.003+08:00

/edit
HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE!(:

its been my FIRST valentines in a mixed school.
and i tell you, the girls are sweeter here than in all girls.
wouldn't expect that right?
i mean most of my presents are from girls.
(all i think, i think?)
it was lotsa fun. didn't really feel so serious.
was reallllll funn. kinda shows how much we love our friends.
isn't it? i like valentines, sounds nicer than friendship.
wish we could do this, EVERYDAY. can you imagine.
we'd be so much HAPPIER. y'know?
i mean, why can't we just GIVE.
oh wells.

THANKS FRIENDS
for all the pressiesss!
love them lotsssssssssss!
i'm kinda amazed. very amazed.
i'll say it again, as i've said it tonnes a times before;
the jaime of last year, would be really happy if she saw this year.
i kinda wish, vee day was every 14th!
i'd give presents every month!
i.loveletters, okay! that's why i love angelmortal. (:

idk, feel more like a teenager than ever before.
nono, its not the raging emotions or the flowers or anything.
its just the way i feel. but i guess, this is lifeee. :D
i'm pretty confused now, but this is how it works.
nono, don't read into it. its just cross and stuff.
PERSONAL stuff, kay! lalalalalalalalalalala.
i'm not going back there. i'm flying towards sucess!

cross tmrw!
hopetoFLY, finally.
i really really wanna do well, k!
i miss excelling like the way i used to.

don't think i wanna know what's gonna happen.
don't think i'm ready to face my future.
just gonna keep living it up, and hoping that nothing happens.
i like the way it feels when it fuzzes up, but mentally, i know i know.
ain't right, yozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! can't train that hard, can't try too hard either!

its been a quick week.
starting with a good (school time) monday.
and a worry wart tuesday.
smiley? wednesday
HAPPY!HAPPY! thursday
and God knows what brings friday.
yes, i'm skipping CL. but its STJTS.
i wanna keep moving on.
i love fun. i love trying.
no matter how hard it takes.
gonna run fast, gonna push hard.
make sure those LOVELETTERS and PINEAPPLETARTS don't get in the way.

FRIENDSHIPDAY&VALENTINES
has been a blast!
i love all you friends who've made it nice.
wellofcourse, YOU(still)don't make it there.
but its been goood enough.:DDDDDDDDDD

friendsfriendsfriends,
help me push.
help me STOP slacking/being stupid.

THANKYOU.
love y'all.

"let us say we have curves" -Mrlam!
jaime.
wants a reply

2008-02-10T21:57:00.000+08:00

Everybody's down and out.

As a friend, I don't like seeing this.
You know sometimes how cancer patients' are just not receptive to medication anymore?
That's how it seems to be okay. Everyone's going down the drains, cutting themselves and refusing to be bandaged.
Yeah boy, its hard, i'll give you that. Its damn fricking hard. But its easier, if you willingly try, its easier. You gotta admit, but you gotta agree to change.
No, I may never know. But I know how it feels like to feel down and out. Out of everything, I know how much it sucks when you feel like you wanna get back in and go back then, where everything was the way you thought it should be. But you can't. No such thing. No time machine. Just you and the future. I guess it hurts like hell, feels like shit. But, we just gotta move on.
And that's life for you.
There's nothing too big for us, nothing too hard. We're all God's children, do you not think he won't help you? Its your individual problems, but it adds to the rest of the world's grim sadness.
Come on, its not that bad. Okay, you probably feel like I'm buffering everything. But I'm not. What if something better's just in your next step? You'd never know if you don't try.
I don't know how to help anymore. I use to think I had all the answers, but I guess people change and things change.
Cheer up, its nothing much. Its probably a major understatement. But, just try. (:
You're stronger than you think.

Any moment, anything can change.
Look forward to that change.

"I hope its just phase 2"
jaime.

2008-02-09T21:44:00.001+08:00

Take a photograph,
Momma said, 'its built to last'.
Is it possible?
Wish I could press rewind,
You know you gotta let this go.
Time to go, this is goodbye.
But change is never easy enough.
Maybe its best you leave me alone.
I'm blending in so you won't even know me.
You're faking a smile, watching it all fall apart.
I don't wanna miss you tonight.
I shouldn't love you.
But I can't stop loving you.
In a moment, everything will change.
Flames to dust, lovers to friends.
When will this end?
You say, anyday it'll all be over.
But waiting is the hardest thing to take.
Maybe you thought it was all pretend.
You'll never know what it could have been.
I don't wanna do this anymore,
So long and good night.
i didn't get that, did you?
"Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart?"
jaime.

2008-02-08T17:58:00.001+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYBODY!
wishing you lots of worth remembering memories in the new (chinese) year!

Lalalala. BYEBYE ZUOWEN!
Hello another zuowen, edgar allan poe and ih report!
ohoh. and quadratic graphs and ummm la handout!
ARGHHHHH. what holiday!
at least we wake up laterrr! (:

spent the whole day slacking today (whoops!)
could have finished ALL my homework. but, ayee, lazy lah.
i'm happy. are you?:D
hearts mended, things sorted out.
at least without school they're out of the way.
but one must reminiscence the wonderful memories of a hopeful. no?
have you hoped for something before?
in the realm of hope, everything's possible.
mother nature takes away hope.
i mean the natural disasters and all.
where is the hope?
oh wellsssssss.

at least i'm more positive.
no more negative, defeatist attitude !
time to train hard and time to shine.
we're gonna gogogo!
study harder, we're all gonna be pediatritians.
and you're not! cause you're gonna be too busy serving tea.
hahahahahaha. lousy lousy lousy lousy.
yeah, i'm over. its just that, i just like saying it.
OHSHUCKS. lent.
i'm supposed to. yeah.
haha. i guess its over, and its done.

i did this on my own. i miss ijtp so much, okay!
(no the lousy thing doesn't refer to ijtp, duh!)
okay okay. okay okay.
i guess, once bitten twice shy.
we're all afraid of something.
and maybe i'm just afraid of things repeating.
maybe. if you can avoid it, why not, right?
but that's just me. and its just once.
i shouldn't be afraid to try. that's what i said.
actions speak louder than words.
but i can't think about it even.
things broken are hard to mend.
i don't wanna mend again.
no thank you. i like being healed.
no more breaking and healing.
stupid time wasting. thank you.

don't know why training's been so mentally exhausting.
don't know why i keep giving up.
all the things that break you, make you strong.
become stronger, push harder!
please don't give up, m'dear jaime.
this means so much to you, that you gave up ijtp!
you can't give up, okay!
cross, studies, chances.
that's what you wanted, and that's what you get.
try harder. come on, you can do it.
humanities, sciences, timetrials, long runs.
this comp and that comm. you can do this!
you want to be extraordinary! you wanna fly!
now, tell me why.
now, tell me why not.
do your best and just tryyy, okay!
i know you're demoralised by annoyances.
but its not the only thing that's gonna be around.
success is on the way, if only you look.
come on, don't look back!
meng zai shou li, right?

Hey you.
don't feel sad.
its okay. it'll be over soon.
other things will come.
if not, you can just join me at the nunnery.(:

"you're knee deep in (the peril of) love"
jaime. (:

2008-02-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

nothing much has happened in the pass week or so.
lalalalalalala.
you know i'm unhappy with certain things, which only like a higher authority can change
no, its not the same thing i've been unhappy about for years, its more like my ecosystem?
its damn hard to concentrate and its even worse when you have that half the amount of working space concept. sucks mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
yupp, but its okay! there's other things worth looking forward to.
LIKE THE FACT THAT TMRW'S PROBABLY THE LAST STUDYING DAY FOR THE WEEK!
yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
tomorrow's ash tuesday palzzz!
must fast/abstain. i'll be a good catholic, yes i will!

my lenten sacrifices begin, tmrw!
JIAYOU!:D:D:D
there's nothing much going on.
i'm generally a happier person, except for my terrible ecosystem conditions.
parasites, yoooo!
i mean, okay that's mean.
its just that. ahh, it doesn't make sense.
how do you cope with 2 undesirables!

anyhows, i'm gonna need to do my geog + chinese + chinese soon.
i'm so ~~dead~~ alive. charissa says that word is bu ji li.
we the cheena people of v13, pledge ourselves to an a1 for HCL, regardless of schools, languages and religions. so as to achieve better results and a super better reputation :D
okayy, i'm crapping.
time to go(this is goodbye she said){no, this is a song}

i need to sleep. yes i do.
before i die standing.
yes i do.
OH SHUCKS LIT.
neverminds, bus time :D

anyhows, God, i think i'm ready.
i can accept it, now. let me see it.

I miss ijtp lots.
everything that makes life what it used to be.
but i guess the only thing that's not seems to be the ecosystem.
nevermind, i can cope. its not the environment, its how you take it.
positive attitude, darlings!:D

oh yeah,
and i don't believe in (romantic) love.
its an utter waste of time and waste of money.
oh and flutter of hearts. break them, eat them, never cease to hurt them.
my personal (and rather random) opinion.

"give me one good reason"
jaime! :D

2008-01-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

i am proud to announce that, i've finally got on the journey to stop being sad/hateful.
YAY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D
i'm reaching there, almost!
and i'm even prouder to announce that i'm gonna train HARDER tmrw!
and i'm the most proud to announde that i didn't suan her, and be mean, AT ALL :D
So, everybody, jaimerocks. com! :D
so, this positive attitude thing (which i always had, mind you), is coming back.
cause the person that made it disappear, is being haha, i dont know what word to use.
yupp. and anyhowwwwwww, jaime's slacking.
should be sleeping now. but. i felt like blogging.
wenolife.com rocks! we're gonna nolife it out!
go jaime. org! support her today!
i love websites. i know you love them too!
whoooooosh. okay, friends. i'm a good girl.
no more being late on purpose.
and def. no more BAD attitude.
yesssss. okay.
sleepy time. there's IMPORTANT training tmrw!

"i'm (still still still) not gonna get married"
jaime.
live with it :D

2008-01-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

actually,
was thinking of finding somewhere new to migrate to.
but, i can't find anywhere proper.
so, i'm stuck with diaryoftheapples.bgspt for now :D

friday ended the (school) week sadly.
i mean, it was the perfect week till friday(evening)
i wouldn't say i didn't expect it.
if you know what i mean, then you'll know how i feel.
if you don't. then. haha. you don't need to know.

i realise this is affecting me way more than it really should.
seriously. i mean, how hard is it to finish a freaking 16km.
its not like i don't want to whattt.
all the lies we believed. all the lies i put my hope in.
i mean, man. this really sucks lah.
its so long already, and my stupid self is being stupid, still.
jaime ah jaime. come onnnnnn.
if you take it away from her, what will she have left?
you have everything already. are you really so selfish?
ask yourself. do you really need everything?
no, you don't. its not like you have the time anyway.
you're afraid, you're hurt.
you don't wanna admit it, but you know it.
its okay. it'll heal.
and when it does, you'll shine brighter than the sun.

jaimetan, you know yourself better than anyone.
and you know what you need the most.
YOUGOTTABEYOURBEST, UNDERSTAND?
who cares if you once thought you had it all?
you need to know that you can shine it out.
be a messenger, be the one God wants you to be.
you're a teddy bear. feelings are what you care about.
you need to care. that's who you are. stop hating, start loving.
put the past behind. i know in two days, you'll probably forget this.
but i want you to remember that you're the one who cares.
the one who knows that its okay to get hurt for someone else.
now, keep this in mind and never forget it. alright?

your goal here and now, is to concentrate.
help your friends, study hard, run your soul to the max, love your families and be the person that God made you to be.
mend hearts, make smiles. give hope.
that's you jaime, that's you.
seeyourself, beyourself.

that's all i have for you today.
now be the star, shine for the world to see.

"God protects,"
jaime.

2008-01-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have slept in the afternoon.
Now, tonight no need to sleep already. :/

39 chengyus more.
3 more essays/poems.
And 1 more death bed on the way.

HAHA JAIME, YOU SUCK OKAY!
I need to stop running on adrenaline.
I need my sleep lor!
But, its okay. Jaime, be strong! :D

I shouldn't be here, but you see, studying for the first time in years is a very good achievement.
And I'm super bored okay!
Chinese leh! Its not like its bio or something.
Argh. I need to read my chem textbook also.
And my physics notes.
To make sure I get more more more marks!
HAHA JAIME, ni si le! :D:D
Didn't get into science fellowship, but its alright.
I still have my CAS hopes and my olympiad stuff.
Confirm crash with training one.
Wo yi jing si le, xie xie ni!

Need to think of something to write for my essays.
Need to sleep early.
Need to fly.
Need to stop wasting smses and talking to RUBBISH people.
(no friends, i'm not referring to you. i mean if you think its you, then its definitely not)
Need to start paying attention and sleeping more.
Need to give my all, and JIA for everything.
Need to be supergirl!

Zoooooooooooooooooooooooooom!
I flyyyyyy!
Okay, its time to go back to doing something constructive.
Bye world who actually bothers to read this.
Which is probably none. But, anyhows.
Seeyou friends! :D

"MAXI! Bo-tan- ni- cal- Gar-dens!"
Your positively persevering best,
jaime (:

2008-01-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

Positively, your best.

Friends,
I'll be positively, my best.
I won't give up, and I won't give in.
I'm trying real hard, but its a slow uphill climb.
Its really hard. How do you give up something that was right there?
Alot of times I ask myself what's wrong with me.
I really don't know why I'm still here.
Its not good. Physically, mentally.
I'm not going as far as I'd like to.
I'm not pushing as much as I could.

Come on jaime, you need to do this for yourself.
You need to be somebody.
You need to show yourself, your more than just a reject.
You need to be something!
You try so hard everyday to get through the days.
And you do. But you're not doing your best.
Why jaime, tell me why?
You are given so much, yet you do so little.
I'm so sick and tired of your whining and mourning in your head.
Your complaining and your cursing.
Its enough okay, you don't get everything you want.
God gives you enough already okay.
Can you be satisfied for once?
What the hell is wrong with you jaime maria tan?
Just cause one single person doesn't care, doesn't mean you shouldn't right?
Some people's jobs are to break hearts, but yours is to mend them, and cheer them up.
Why are you staying still?
I can't stand you anymore, jaime!
WHY CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING!

Sure, you think she deserves nothing.
For what you hear of heartlessness.
But none of this is for you to judge, do you understand?
I hate you for being this stupid whiny brat.
STOP. People can cry for 8 months.
But I won't let you complain even.
Because you know more than to just keep taking away chances.
And stealing. Stealing the things that other people want and are willing to pay for.
I don't care what you wanna say anymore. just stop.
Please. You need to concentrate.
You NEED to perform your role now.
Student, athlete, friend, sister.
That's who you are.
Not, girl with a heck of a social life since the age of 13.
That's not you. you don't even have the time.
So, I'm urging you once more.
To. Stop. The. Hell. Of. This. Whole. Rubbish.
Its your choice. And you can do what you want.
Jaime, listen to yourself. For once.

OKAY.
I need to scream at myself for being so stupid. :D
One week flew by again.
And I'm flying with the wind.
Time for studies.
JIAYOU JAIME.

"its not fair, it never is"
what you want, you never get.
jaime.

2008-01-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

Its saturday already!
Ohmygosh. time really flies!

We've had the first CL of the year.
We've had the first cat class of the year.
We've had the first excursion of the year.
And we've had the first presentation of the year.
Its cool and time's flying.
I still don't feel sec3 and even less a VJC student.
But, its okay. It'll happen soon. :D
Next week's bridging curriculum.
This week's I&E was quite alright.
Inspiration! Alexandra Hospital.(:
I'm gonna really work hard for that.
But, I really gotta put THAT behind.
Oh wells. Its tough, but I know it'll work.

And anyhow, this is what I wanted. :D
And this is really what I get.
So, YAY ME!

Let's have a good year ahead, with no stops, no breaks.
And no sad times and depressing moments.
I don't care who you are anymore, cause you're not gonna get me down.
Even if it means saying a freaking idon'tknowwhat is better than me.
I'm not gonna be gotten down.
(: Have a nice day.

Okay, so I know its real mean to say that.
But, what can you do when you feel you deserve more than "I'm sorry"?
Nothing. Yeah that's right. Nothing.
It sucks to feel like you have everything but yet you have nothing.
Its hard to give up just like that.
You need to know that everything's not real.
And you need to learn to trust yourself and your intuitions.
And finally, you need to be strong.

And this year, that's what I'm gonna be.
And no matter how much I say,
I'm still ANTI-GUY, for now.
If it changes, I'll inform you.
nono, I'm not les.
I'm Anti-guy&Anti-relationship.
It's time to focus on your studies, ccas, family&friends.
That's it. No more wasting sms, calls, nights of sleep and time.
No more. :D

Just in case you want to know.
I'm feeling much much happier.
No thanks to you know who you are. (:

"i'll tell you later"
jaime. :D
things things things.
people people people.
we're gonna fall down and pick ourselves up again.

2008-01-06T20:48:00.000+08:00

OSIRISSSSSSSS!:D
Orientation has been so much of fun!
Okay, so maybe the squashy hall dances& cheers weren't that bad after all!
Its like we're all one big Vj family.
But yeah. Nothing beats IJ!
But I really really have to say that orientation was more fun than IJ's orientation!
Okay, maybe the first day or so was kinda boring, but the games and OG dinners and Mass Dances were a hell lot of fun! And ohmygosh, it makes time fly. And makes you really really really tired.
Everyday you get home well after the sun sets and feeling half dead. But, that's cool.
You can really laugh until you cannot laugh anymore. And your throat can die cause of the amount of cheering. oh and the amount of games we play, aha, make us seem like kids. (and look like them too! "mmm chi chi mmm chi, tooki tooki tooki tooki, tongat tongat! :D:D ")
Its nice not having to do work! And Ohmygosh, my class is cooolioo too.
Okay, so maybe we're not up to our seniors standards yet. But, haha, we'll get there.
Our secret sharing sessions and information exchanging activities, funny lah!
But I get the feeling, sometimes. that, oh shoot, wrong thing to do feeling. like someone's not comfortable or something. like the way i'm not really comfortable with some person. okay, nevermindd.
After tmrw, when orientation's over, i'll really miss all the cheering and everything!
Oh wells, time for schoooooooool. Nyehhh:/
Tmrw's sea regatta. I DONT CARE, I'M GONNA PLAYYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm gonna play and runn. Aha, I hope eloise, nono Aloyy will run with mee.
Orrightttt. Time to go do something more constructive!
Seeyou!:DD

Oh yeah, and just in case you wanna know.
I'm happier now. No thanks to you know who. :D

"IJ, IJ! IJ, IJ!"
jaime!:D

2008-01-01T12:31:00.000+08:00

First post of the year:

HAPPY 2008, LOVE!
Its a new day, a new way.
A new year, new beginning.
A clean new sheet.
Let's start over.
Hi, My name's Jaime.
And I'm a new person with a new heart.
I'm ready for the heartbreaks coming my way.
BRING IT ON!

My new year's resolution is to be a gooood gooood girl and stay happy. Oh and follow the lists!
Which means, I'll study hard, do my work, train even harder, not go off and waste my emotions away on pointless guys, NOT fall in love, find myself a bunch of great friends and to always do my best, be a good friend to everyone, save money, LOVE(as in FRIENDS) like nobody's ever hurt you and nobody ever will, lead yourself, be enthusiastic, PRAY, be organised, and be HAPPY, no matter what. Which, is quite alot, but, I'll manage. Hey, I did 9x400m, I can do ANYTHING, believe me!

I'm happy.
I realised that I'm everything to be.
And everything I wanted to be.
A year ago, this is exactly where I dreamed of.
I'm here, and I'm pushing it.
I'm in the school of my choice, I've a team that's good enough to make it big, I've a class which is bonded, I'm a good student, I've friends who care, there's no more weirdness, i've enough responsibility and enthusiasm, I have absolutely no love life to speak of to distract me and I'm getting there. :D
I'm on the right track, take heart, Jaime.
No more grief, just joy!
I'm five and I'm happy!
I'm 15(soon), I'm young, I've the world at my feet.
I'm foolish and I'm dreaming, and I'm gonna fly.
Mark my words, I'll paint myself the best picture ever.
And you won't be in it, NEHHHHHH, you won't!
15, there's never a wish better than this.

BEST YEAR AHEAD!(:
Smile, Jaime!
And everyone else.
Its okay, parrot phones don't kill.
Parrot's don't kill, either.
They're your friends, and you LOVE them.
Yes jaime yes. Smile, they're happy.
And so are you.

2007's over.
Its ordeals aside.
Time to go.
I'm a happy victorian, finally!

"New opportunities for happiness, jia you!"
jaime!
Its a leap year!
Time to JUMP for joy!

2007-12-30T19:33:00.001+08:00

Its 30th Dec!
Which means, school starts soon!
Which is good/bad.
Next year, we people go to VJC, for IP.
Yuppp. Cool stuff.
Okay, this is my first time announcing, offcially, i think.
Yupp. And we the united and bonded people of 08v13 belong to a great great class.
Yeah enthu class, let's go let's go!
I'm excited to get to know all of 'em better and have a nice AIR-CONNED classroom:D
Ahaa, just that we'll all be probably busy like nobody's business and be really tired.
Butttttttttttt, I don't mind. I guess.
Our super bonded class wants a super de duper cool class shirt.
And Yeah, haha, good stuff.
Bones & hurricanes!
Sure, we're weird.
Anyhows, its a new start which means a new beginning.
Which means all the more happy energy again!
YAY! And you're not gonna get me down, NO!
Sooooo, yeah that.
Its gonna be a long day tmrw, and also a HAPPY day tmrw!
And yeah. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH.
Its gonna be a heck of an exciting year!

So, lists of things to do:D
One. Be a happy happy girl.
Two. Train hard, play hard and study hard!
Three. Be a gooood friend to EVERYONE(even the mean and horrible ones)
Four. Be responsible and helpful.
Five. Love your neighbour. (As in family and friends [ AKA, EVERYONE])
Six. Not break anybody's heart. (Not like I'm gonna get the chance to, but its something that I NEVER wanna do, so there)
Seven. Be a good sister and a better daughter.
Eight. Save money!
Nine. Be prayerful and live a more christian life!
Ten. Don't neglect anything.
Eleven. Be organised and rested.
Twelve. PRIORITISE!
Thirteen. Don't regret and look back at the past.
Fourteen. Praise God always!
Fifteen. Do everything above and always be my best!

With all my might, I'll try. Here on of, to be whatever's stated above.
And if you're not planning to do any of the above, go check your conscious out, before you start hurting people!
Anyhows, in case I don't come back here for the rest of the year...

Have a GOOOOD NEW YEAR and an even BETTTER BELATED CHRISTMAS!

oh and I bet I forgot.

08v13 boulders!
good job, friends!:D

lots of love!

"Everything new, a clean new record"
jaime.
<3 08v13!
OH AND
<3 2/1 '07 too! I'll never forget us!

2007-12-29T00:24:00.000+08:00

This is the end.
Its what I wanted.
For you to be happy, for everyone to be happy.
And so, its here and its done.
Now, its time to move on.
No regrets, no grudges.
Time to let go and time to smile.
Everything's over. GONE!:D
It starts anew.
You're free, and I'm free.
Freewill.
Thank you Lord.

but more importantly,
08v13 rocks!
gosh, i'm so enthu!

"i'm not a victim"
jaime.
liberated:D

2007-12-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Its Christmas, so I should really stop being violent and hate-ful.
And I should stop feeling argh.
OKAY, HAPPY HAPPY:D:D

Its a typical Christmas, where you spend time with kids half your age who are so young and happy and innocent. And HAPPY. Happy.:D
Its fun, seeing them run around and thinking that time doesn't end.
And all those adults secretly tracking your growth in their minds.
Laughing and talking, just catching up.
And getting presents!
Christmas is the best time of year!

This year's prechristmas stuff was ULTRAFUN:D
Caroling's been greatttttt!
Maybe not as great as last year, but good enough!
Shopping, training and counting down's been fun!
Tessa's party, midnight mass and dressing up too!
All so cooooooool! I'm growing up and I know it.

But there's something there that's not right.
Its, sad. I know. But ah, we get over it!
whatever whatever whatever.
I'm just a plain ~~jane~~ jaime, who's gonna smile at everything.:D
LALALALALALALALALALALA.
nehnehnehnehnehnehnehneh!
I want my time machine so bad, i'd die for it.
Or throw my christmas presents(not my phone) out of the window.
OKAY JAIME MARIA TAN!
You're stronger than this!
If you can run 12km time trial you can do anything.
You're not freaking gonna be an ass and wait 8months and deprive others of happiness.
Stop being a selfish brat!
Now! Its Christmas, give freely.

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

-let it go, corrinne may

you're a machine, and you're really not worth the time.

so once more,
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

"Have yourself a merry little christmas!"
jaime!

2007-12-20T16:47:00.000+08:00

Okay, I haven't blogged in ages.
But I just haven't been feeling in the mood.
And I still don't, but oh wells.
Yupp yupp.
So many things have happened since the last time i blogged.
Its tiring to watch.
Everyday's the same, and as soon as I got the message, I stopped waiting.
Waiting kills, it sucks the life out of you. It wastes your time.
I'm not going to wait 8 months and go become a cuckoo ding dong.
But its hard to just let it go, just like that.
I'll give myself time. Time's the universal cure, I guess.

Train train train train. I didn't train today!
Caroling yesterday. It was fun!
I love love love love love love aunty phyllis' house!
But caroling just makes me feel like time just flew by.
And it just passed me by.
Oh wells, I'm gonna make it big and have a house like Aunty Phyllis', someday.

Everything just feels strange now.
I don't feel myself.
I don't feel the same inside.
Its just this strange outer me.
I'm talking to myself even more often.
At least I gave up waiting.
That's one good thing.
I want to turn back time, make sure I didn't make that mistake.
I don't want to know you anymore.
I don't want to see you anymore.
It just confuses me. It mixes up my decisions.
And my emotions, mind you.
I'm supposed to act like nothing's happened.
And I'm supposed to know that nothing's ever going to happen.
Its real hard. With so much hope, and so much thought.

You're going away.
I'm happy.
I'll have a break from seeing you there everyday.
And I don't have to pretend smile anymore.
You ask me if I'm alright.
Yeah, sure I am.
How am I supposed to tell you, you're killing me inside?
I can't and won't. So I'll just, lie.
Smile and laugh, and just hide everything.
Fatigue, fear and hurt; Sweep it under the carpet.
Just no more peace. I need my peace, thank you.
You won't see this, its good. At least I can say everything somewhere.
Okay, so this doesn't make any logical sense.
But I'm feeling like I need to say something somewhere.
I'm gonna finish packing my terribly ugly(especially now, at this point of time) rooom.
lalalalalalala.
We all need a little patience, but we don't have all that endurance.
And sometimes waiting isn't what you should be doing.
Soooooooooooo, its time to hand those hopes in.
And give it up, cause its time to start anew.
Hello fresh new world!

Oh x'mas is coming!
I want a time machine, just a chance that maybe we'll find better days and aunty phyllis' house!
Think you can manage that?:D

"i'm learning to breathe on my own"
jaime.
Lalalalalalalalalala!

2007-12-06T18:56:00.000+08:00

okay! life's been okay dokay.
yuppp. caroling, training, sleeping.
there's a routine to my day.
training sleeping caroling
or just training and sleeping.
but i'm not complaining.
at least you do something.

so we're supposed to not go anywhere
and stay where we are, crushing crushing and finally crushed.
its only a schoolgirl crush after all.
but that's what i wanted at the start.
and what i think i still want now...
but there's still something missing.
but i think there's no waiting for it.
i'll persevere until there's nothing left
but everybody has their limits,
even cross country runners.
i'll tell you what i really want, if only you'd ask.
freewill, i'll give you that.

its how the world shapes you to be people we don't want to be.
its how God gives you freewill to do what you like because he loves us too much.
its how you choose to fall prey to heartbreaks and heartaches.
its how you choose to react to every single thing that happens to you.
its how you want to become someone just because you think its what you want.
its how you want something to happen so bad, that you know your hope is lost.
and its how you wake up everyday and know that everything's new and something's extraordinary's waiting to happen, if only it would.

okay, i'm random.
i've done my christmas list more or less.
at the end of the day, i'll be here smiling.
i want to be there to comfort you and be a friend for you.
but you won't let me. you'll choose her over me, won't you?
lalala. this is really weird.
pack~!

"and your dreams give you away"
jaime.
and everything's your choice
its just what you choose, and what you do after that.

2007-12-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

You're dead, and I'm letting go.
We're going nowhere, and I'm getting used to it.
I prefer the innocence, the ignorance.
Where we just dream and pretend to be things.
I like that, I really do.
But its okay, less stress less white hair.
Let nature take its course.
Flow down the rivers and let it reach the ocean.
When the time is right, I'll be waiting in my red gown.
Holding my white rose.

i'm a happy kid!
yes celeste, we've to stop cheap thrilling.
but for now, its the closest thing we have to assurance.

whoosh! let's all go dream of pretty things tonight.
Like dramatic endings and soft sweet beginnings.
I've given up on staying sad, cause it just knaws us away part by part.

"she had too much on her mind"
jaime.
i really love you, do you know that?

2007-11-28T14:44:00.000+08:00

Hello world!

Day of fun was fun!
Training's been cool, quite.
Caroling's not bad!
Christmas shopping/listing hasn't started.
And there's more things going on.
I don't know what to say anymore.
Blogging's quite pointless.

"I almost wish you didn't love me too"

I really like you, but you don't like me too. So I'm sorry, I'm trying so hard for nothing. Its my fault, and it'll always be my fault. I want to tell you, but I just can't. And I won't, cause its not right. I don't want to inconvenience you. I know you won't read this. But if you do, I need to know more. I can't read signs. I think I love you, but schoolgirl/boy crushes don't last. So it'll be over soon enough. But for now, I'll continue on. Cause I'm a cross country runner. And that's what we do, peservere.

2007-11-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

Hello love,
today I realised that you never know what you have till its gone.
You never know how much you've done till its over.
You never know how much impact you've made until you give up or finish up
And no matter how much you think over something, you'll miss something out.
And things will go unexpectedly, all the time.
Today I realised that no matter how strange things are, they always make sense.
Today I realised that the stranger they are, the more real it is.
Today I realised that the more things change, the more things you see.
Today I realised that the more you change, the more perfect you become.
No matter what others may perceive of you.
Today I realised that your help will always come in times of need.
And today I realised that peserverance will bring you hope.

Tomorrow love, is a new day, and we're to make the best of it.
Goodluck, have fun and never give up. Do your best and don't neglect the journey.
Focus, enjoy the company of your friends, and never be discouraged by the speed of progress.

Thankyou love, for everything.

Yours sincerely,
Me.

"motivate!"
jaime.
I think I'll hiatus for another week.
I'm bored of this blogging thing.
So, till next week, love.

2007-11-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

Hello love,
I want to succeed, that's all.
I don't want to overdo things, I don't want to be overbearing, I want to just do enough.
I'm willing to work, I'm willing to try.
But I'm not willing to fail, and that is my biggest flaw.
You want to succeed too. I know.
You're trying so hard, I admire you.
Its the beauty of a determined.
I'm determined too, but there's just so many obstacles.
I'm so scared, I don't want to ruin anything so fragile.
We're drifting. We use to be bestfriends and what are we now?
The closeness is fading and I can't seem to know it anymoree.
I think we're trying to hard.
You don't care if you're not accepted, but I know, we HAVE to be.
I know there's alot coming our way in such a short period of time.
And I know there's lots of things we missed.
But friends don't care at all, they go through no matter what.
I want to be perfect friends, but still succeed.
We both want to do great things.
So, Let's do this together, and make history.

Hello love,
I know, we're drifting.
But you think closeness is all about secrets.
You're not doing anything to stop this.
And I just can't be bothered to do anything anymore.
Because I don't know if I want to keep this friendship.
And we're both changing, and I don't know who any of us are anymore.
Alot of things have happened without you.
Other people, other times, other things.
Now you know, but then nothing's changed.
I feel like its a wasted effort.
I feel like you don't care.
And I feel like I don't want to care.
But I can't, I care about everything.
I'm just worriesome, its my nature.
But you, you just don't care.
Everything's changing and I can't stay the same.
I'm becoming more in and you're becoming more out.
I don't like who I'm becoming, but who am I to say.
I've the same values and attitudes, it doesn't matter to me.

Yours sincerely,
Me.

"i'll train hard."
jaime.

2007-11-14T17:01:00.000+08:00

let's try a new approach to a post shall we?:D

Hello love,
it's been an exhilirating few days, although tiring.
I've been really happy and everything's been pretty good.
Everything bad's just been pushed to the side of my mind.
I should stop having the urge to do silly things, but that's just simply me.
I can't do no nothing about that, no sireeeeeeee.
Training's been cool enough. Its different, very different.
Its been good. Motivation runs through the veins, its new. I like.
Life's been great. As it should always be.
I'm changing, but I can't be bothered to stop it.
Cause I'm me, and that's the person I am best.

Thanks for everything, love.
You've been the greatest.

Yours sincerely,
Me.

"what do stars do; shine"
jaime.

ithinki'mfallingdeeperintoyourtrap.

2007-11-10T00:06:00.000+08:00

LALALALA.
Thanks everybody, you've been sweet wonderful, and have made everything worthwhile.
I just needed time to reeelax, that's all.
Directions, directions. Done.
~~

Okay, I am going to die.:D
My fault for being lazy to wake up and run.
Okay okay. JIAYOUJIAYOU JAIME:DDDDD!

"Score one more for me"
jaime.

2007-11-04T13:10:00.000+08:00

Its been a week.
I still long for IJ.
I'm in VJ. I'm there now.
So much has been going on.
Things happen and people change.

I don't regret my choice, I think its a splendid opportunity for me to be my best. But I'm afraid that I'm not able to cope. Everything's really in my face now. Its the first time I'm pressured to perform before anything's even started. So much is expected of me now, and I really hope this is going to work. God only gives us things that we can manage with. But I worry, I worry I cannot cope. I worry. I don't know. This is unfamiliar. I'm not sure who I am anymore. Its like I don't know myself. I hope this is a good thing. Its growing up. Too much change is coming to me. I know I can do this. Its just really so hard to be my own person. And I don't know what I want to be anymore, who I want to be anymore. Its a new environment, I can be anything I want to be. But I don't know what that is. I want to be myself. Myself. The one who's happy and makes jokes out of anything and everything to make life more bearable. Myself, who's sociable but not too sociable. But with new people, you never know what the limit is. Am I going beyon sociable? Am I going beyond myself and crossing over to plastic? I don't know. Someone help me. Am I even ready to take on so much responsibility and work? I don't know.

I want change. I want to be bold, do something different. Be more than the one who knows she can't do it, and doesn't try. But the more I try, the more evident that I am bad at this. Help me, please. Everything's so contradicting. Where I'm not ready, they give me so much. Where I am, they can't be bothered to see me. I'm trying, I'm trying. I don't know how prepared I am for this. I'm confused, pissed off and just annoyed. I need a break. I need to get all this away. I don't want to try to sort anything out anymore. Cause I can't do this on my own. I need God. I want to know what I'm doing. I can't go around living a blind life. I can't, I can't. I need to know the direction, the way, the truth and the light. I need information, I need details. You tell me so little and you expect me to respond correctly. Then you don't tell me anything at all. When I try, I just become more desperate, and I become shunned. I don't know what the f is happening. And nobody can explain. This is hell, and I know it. It sucks trying to be everything I want to be. It sucks trying to please the general public and the people I think I need to please even if I hate it so much doing it. I don't know 'what's going on. I'm sickened. I'm losing my apetite. This isn't even what I'm supposed to be worrying about. I'm lost, give me a map, help me find my way out. Its all a lie. Everything that used to be burning is going out. And I can't hold on to it. I'm letting go. Its okay, I'm not important anyway. I'm just the little one who plays the team part. The one who boosts your ego, cause I'll never be as good as you. And I'll always be in awe. Its okay, that's perfectly fine with me. Thanks.

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. Everything's coming down. Nothing's working out. I want something to work. I don't even know myself. I feel like I'm changing and I know it. And I can't stop it. Its hard, its very hard. I'm struggling. I don't know whether I want to stay the same or change. Changing is fine. We all change, we have to. We're growing. But staying is fine too. I like the way I interact with my friends. I like the way they see me and the way I see them. Its pure, pure. I'm becoming confused. More confused by the minute. Its exhausting me mentally and emotionally. It's hard. I'm pressuring myself, people are pressuring me. Basic expectations, basic goals. Things I want for myself, things people want for me. Things I simply think I can do. Things. Help. I know I need it.

I'll miss IJ alot. alot. They say transitions are hard. But after 8 years they're impossible, almost. My friends mean the world to me. They've been so much comfort. They've been so much in my life. I can't bear to let them go just like that. Thank you, thank you. I love you, really. Unconditionally. I've learnt to accept your flaws and your weaknesses. Just as you have mine. Its wonderful to have friends you know will help you no matter what. But its horrible knowing that I'm dropping the bomb and hoping nothing will change. I'm stupid. Slap me, smack me; oh kill me, why don't you?

I'm just so confused, I don't know where I'm headed or why I'm going there. I'm feeling so much in so little. I'm not emotional. I'm just tired, tried and too confused. Everything that was so pure, is all going away. I'm trading the magic for challanges. I'm sickened by the trials. They help me grow, but I don't know what I'm doing. Lord, help me. Let me feel your presence. I want to accelerate, I want to be pushed. Lord, let me be able to take the pains. The sacrifices. Give me the strength to go on, always.

At the end of the day. I'm thankful that I've challenges to face. I need to grow. I can't stay the same forever. Ceteris Paribus is a dream. A scenario. A false reality.

"There's gotta be more to life"
jaime.
On Hiatus . ^^
Or at least I'm trying.

2007-10-27T12:35:00.000+08:00

Red swollen eyes and tears of lost.

Yesterday was the last day of school.
Three-quarters of the class cried.
We tried not to cry, we really did.
But, its really too much to take in.
We're leaving our home of 8 years, our friends who were there no matter what happened. The ones we've learnt to live with, the ones who've brought so much joy and the ones who we have known and loved.
Its really hard to drop it all and go ahead with my life pretending all this never happen and starting over. No, it'll be inhumane to do that. I really wish that I wouldn't go and nothing would ever change. But nothing's ever ceteris paribus. So why bother. But there's this bond between us. All my friends. I can't believe I'll never get to go for lunches after school with the same people. Never get to take 163 back from school. Never get to wear that Ij uniform feeling rightfully permitted to wearing it. Never again. Its really hard. And I really can't believe it. I really wish this was a dream because its too good to be true. These chances and these things that are happening to me now. On the surface. But on an emotional level. Nothing's right. Its confusing. And I'm more confused than usual. Its sad. And I really wish things wouldn't change.
Will you remember me?
Will I remember myself?

Oh god, please don't take it all away. - Charlie Gordon
(And I'll never do flowers for algernon again.)
I feel the same. Let things work out.

God help me. I'd really like to do well in the future, but I'd really like to keep this closeness still. Help me Lord.

Thank you everyone for eveything you've done for me over these 8 years. Especially my 2/1 classmates. Y'all mean the world to me. And I'm sacrificing my world for something new. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm sorry. I love you guys, and I really mean it. I'd do anything to repeat this all again. Thank you, I'll never forget all of you. Never.

"I don't forget you, oh its so sad"
-Avril Lavigne, Slipped Away
jaime.
everything changes. let me stay the same.

2007-10-26T00:58:00.000+08:00

This is it.
The day I wanted so much a year ago.
The day I so dreaded a month ago.
And the day I don't know what to feel about now.
Apprenhension, ambivalence?
I'm going to make it right.
Everything I wanted and everything I stand to be.
Its been made. The choice, my future, my life.
All by God.
This is it. The day has come.
The dawn is coming.
Time to get some rest, to see what this day is bringing.
Don't let me cry, don't let me cry.
I'm going to miss you so.
After every single day and second I've thought about being an IJ girl.
Picturing myself in this uniform.
This is it.
Its too soon. It doesn't feel right.
But nothing feels the way its supposed to feel anymore.
I pray for strength, that I may bear this in my stride.
For hope, that I'll keep hoping that this is good.
For courage, that I'll be able to take the plunge.
And for serenity, that peace may take over, no matter what I feel.
A peace within that nothing can replace.
This is like a dream.
Love, school and futures.
None of this appears real.
Oh please let me wake up tomorrow and realise its all a dream.
Its too good for me, its too good to believe.
Its too surreal, it feels other-worldly.
I trust you Lord, let this be right.
Guide me guardian angel.
Mother Mary, pray for me.
Jesus be at my side.

This is a dream I want to have with everything except regret.
I never want to take a 2nd look at it. Ever again.

"thank you."
jaime.

I'm just really confused now. And I just really want it all to work out.
I don't know if this is right. And flipping coins won't do anything.
Regret, you make this so hard to bear. Sentimentality, you're killing my joy.

2007-10-24T20:50:00.000+08:00

2 more school days.
francesca&arielene have flown off.
So this is goodbye.
time to move on.

I'm 29th in the level:D
Or at least I don't mind being that.
Beatrice beat meee!YAY!:D
let's see who believes me.

"Paper bags and plastic hearts."
jaime.

2007-10-20T12:24:00.000+08:00

Results yesterday.
Pretty pleasantly surprised.
CIP yesterday.
It's good helping cancer patients, indirectly.
CL yesterday.
Spiritual sorts out your thoughts, but doesn't fix your problems.

Aye, I don't know why I feel this way. Its not like I totally flunked my exams and its not like I'm not happy with my results( which I'm really not that unhappy with, serious ) and its not like I'm being stressed to study or do anything since I'm currently floating. And its not like I know that the whole world is against me and is trying to kill my guts cause I'm friggin' hated just cause of the things I do. And its not like I'm still trying to make my choice and am still feelig confused, cause I've already (officially) made my choice. So, why the hell do I feel like everything's going to vapourise and this sinking feeling is going to break me. Sure, I'm gonna miss my friends and suree I'm not even sure if this is the right thing to do. But this is definitely no reason for me to feel so effing shit. Maybe its cause I feel like everything has to be ruined by something else everytime I have some hopes for something. But I really can't help it. Things just happen, right?

Aye, I am a happy kid. So, I should shut up about this. Pronto.
Let's be strength for the world and bring joy to the people.
This is the mission. Bulk up and let's go.

"Why is it so hard to be the person I want to be?"
jaime.

2007-10-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

Oh man.
Everybody's stressed, sad, depressed or confused.
Nothing's right anymore.
Yes, I'm getting on quite well.
Yes, I'm a contradiction.
But my friends, MY FRIENDS!
One of them is friggin' confused and stressed about a decision which could make or break you.
Another's being a victim of hatred and judgement.
And yet another is being stressed out by the pressures of the world.
Could this world be any worse?
Everybody says that God's always there.
And I try to believe it.
But sometimes its just so hard when everything's falling apart.
And nothing comes. And you feel like screaming at the divine being above for not helping you and not fixing anything. Its like we're all walking this path alone.
And it really questions everything you believe in.
But then there's all these information that substantiates all your problems and solutions on how to fix it. But really, how many times do we doubt it all?
So many, so many.
Its hard to believe. But that's our challenge living in this 21st century.
To keep the faith and to believe.
To do the right thing no matter teh consequences and situations.
That's what we're supposed to do.

Challenges, choices and failures.
Parts of life.
Let's do this together.
Make everything right.
Come on people, life's great!
JIAYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i'm in love. no please, no!

"I'm happy for you."
jaime.

2007-10-18T17:55:00.000+08:00

We checked papers yesterday and stoned today.
Modern jazz is quite cool, and I really wanna try out.
But haha, I don't think I can dance, at all.
I mean, hey, ballet's a perfect example.
But, you'll never know. Maybe steps are easier?
Tomorrow we check the remaining papers.
Tomorrow we make or break.
I hope I'd do well. They're all my critical subjects.

it must suck to feel that way.
and i know how it does.
i'm sorry.

In a week, it'll all be over.
This wonderful journey just left with memories.
All the work that we did to establish reputations and stuff.
All over. It'll be just history, the past. Her story, my story.
Soon, we'll be starting off a fresh new page. Everything cleared.
A new beginning. Let's make it right this time. Just the way we want it.
I promised myself, I won't look back, I won't regret.
But I'm so afraid this is all a huge mistake.
Please, let this work, PLEASE.
I don't want to cry. I want to leave happily.
I want a happy ending. A nice end. Closure.
Happily ever after.

"Why can't hatred just be gone?"
jaime.

2007-10-16T21:48:00.000+08:00

This has been the bestest 5days ever. EVER.

Today.
Went to sentosa with tessa, celeste and lizzi. Its the bestest beach occasion I've ever ever had. Really. Tessa, lizzi and I met at yck mrt station to take the train down at 9. While celeste had choir. Yeah, so we went to harbourfront and bought all the food that we needed which cost $11.50 in total. But we still have leftovers. It was good food anyway. Then, we took the monorail down to the beach station and waited for celeste under the hot sun which gave us a sexy back!;D We built sandcastles(in the sand) and jumped waves and picked up shells. It was greatt greatt fun. And yeah, sexy back!:D Lizzi and I got our shorts wet in the sea, but they dried. But left a white(or yellow for lizzi) layer. Then, we went to the merlion walk and kinda took photos waiting for celeste. We wanted to go into the giant fountain, but hey, we didn't want to get a scolding. There were these superr cool bell thingos. Our sunglasses were put on for half the time, so we only got a half tan. Which, is oh well, better than nothing. I really wanted a full sunglasses tan, maan. Anyway. After that, we met celeste and ate super expensive lunch or normally priced pizza. And then we went cycling. Then then, we went to take the luge ride. We bought tickets. Family set. 26 bucks for 4 skyrides and 4 luge rides. But we didn't get to use the skyrides since it friggin' rained out on us :/. Anyhow. We had fun there. And, haha, we had to lie that tessa was 12. And it was easy. Cause the lady asked the 3 of us( Celeste, Lizzi and I); "Do y'all have a kid with you?" and we showed her tessa and then within 3 seconds she said okay. HAHA. That proves how young tessa actually seems/looks.:D Okay, so after we luged down we decided to go do something else before we skyrode up (which apparently didn't happen due to unforseen circumstances and poor weather). So yeaaah. After that, we cycled double bikes. Celeste and jaime, Tessa and lizzi. I swear, our bike hated us! It was not even stable! Not our faults lah, we're quite good cyclers, y'know! Lizzi said we didn't have balance. Pffsh, they lost balance toooo! (Haha, but we kinda almost crashed into alot of things:/, THE BIKE'S FAULT!) Since we kinda didn't have anywhere left to cycle, and we returned the bike early. Yeaaaaah. But we used the bike well. Well enough. And then we decided to go to the seemingly much more clear and empty Palawan Beach. And so, we went to the beach and then it was overcast and it kinda started drizzling. But we weren't really bothered and really wanted to cross the bridge that was over the waters (Haha, bridge over troubled waters). And then when we reached the other side, we heard thunder and we went back to where we left our bags, which was super near a super wonderful fountain where some kiddies were playing in, cause it was allowed!:D Yeah, and so at first we were just playing around the fountains. But your dear blogger here, accidentally got her back wet by standing in front of a water thingo and decided to just get herself wet. Which did happen. And O'course Lizzi did got wet too. Tessa and Celeste weren't supposed to get wet, but they did anyways. HAHA. Yupp. So we played like little innocent kids for a super long time and got mighty mighty wet and took some, ahem pictures. But, it WAS tonnes of fun and yeah, fun!:D Okay, and then, lizzi and tessa went to get changed and celeste and I played for a little longer and then we realised that it kinda started raining quite haevily and we went off to the toilet to go get shelter and change out. Yupppppp. Change change change. And then we went off. HOPING to ride the skyride. But, hmph. So anyway, we took the tram back to vivo, had dinner at Banquet and went off to candy empire. Candy empire was super argh cause we couldn't afford to buy much, since we are the poor people. Sadly.:/ But yeah, I bought 2 nerdropes and 2 mozartshakes. Heh. One of each for me and one of each for my brother. And then we took the train home. And we had soooooooo much fun on the train. What with my earring, and the rubbing in and the super retarded train sign and all. It was damnn good. I swear! I'd do it again, even if the rain rained and rained. So at YCK, my dad picked me up and I got home at a grand time of 9pm. That makes 12hours of going out and having fun. Sassy!:D

I'm not sure if I left out anything but you could check out tessa, celeste, lizzi's blogs. They're really good sources of info too!:D

I LOVE 'EM ALL SO MUCH, I SWEAR!

Yesterday.
I went running with michen at YCK stadium and then we had breakfast at AMK macs. And then we went swinging. Oh gosh, it was so much fun. I love swinging, makes me feel like I'm flying, and I was. So yeah. And after that, we hopped on 138 and bussed all the way to the ZOO! The adult ticket(above 12) was 16.50 and we so wanted to fake and go in as kids, but haha, we couldn't lie. So, we wasted 8 dollars each. :/ Oh wells. And then when we went into the zoo, we had soo much fun naming the animals our friends' names and all. We were going friggin' crazy. And we took pictures of all all all all all the animals. Well almost all. And yeah, we took way way way way way way too many too many pictures. 100 over lah! But it was fun! And then half way, it started raining. What a time to rain, really! So we ran ran ran ran ran out of the zoo to KFC for lunch. Met michen's brother on the way. So coincidental. So we had our food, and my cheese fries which i eventually brought home and threw away. And by the time we were done, the rain stopped. Which was good. So we went off seeing again and watching some animals get fed. It was sooo much fun and yeah, so much laughter! I'm sure I can compile a picture album of animals with the amount of photos we took. Cause there was only ONE of us. HAHA! retards, really! And so, at 4 something, we went off for B&Js ice-cream and off to j8 for our materials buying! Michelle and I decided on green and black. Cause black gives a cool effect and green's both our favourite colours, totally!:D So yeah. Yupp, and then we walked around and used the toilet. And I kinda left my phone in the toilet. HEH! But we got it back(thank god!). Yeah. And then michelle had to go, and I had to go home. Yeahh. I know its in much less detail cause its been more days since it happened and my arm, well its really aching from typing so much. I'm sorry. Pictures may come, who's to say. But my friend's would probably upload it.

You can check out Michen's blog for more details on the great great great perfect day we had out.

Saturday+Sunday.
Weekends are always great. Especially when its CL Sunday. Needless to say, it was greeeeat.

Friday.
YANGLIN AND JOCELYN ; BESTFRIENDS+BRIDEMAIDS! I love y'all!
Although much has changed and there's so much still uncompleted, we're gonna be in this together, always.
We had fun at esplanade, merlion and getting lost. It was very very fun. Its been the bestest day out with them. Ever.:D

And so, if these 5 days were how Olevels were conducted, I'm so gonna be the top student in the world and I'm so going to be the bestest! Have fun all you people who's exams are over and, cherios!:D

"Its the best day ever. again and again and again."
jaime. I LOVE Y'ALL!

ps: Links are updated. the blogs are stated:D

2007-10-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

Reunion day out with jocelyn and yanglin was fun!
Esplanade and Merlion and thelightofGod.
Citylink and SuntecCity and RafflesPlace and all.
Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!;DDD
We really ought to do this more often.
Next time it'll be the airport.
And I really really hope, we can keep this friendships going!:))
Its been such a great and long day.
And I'm getting a little tired.
And since entertainment at this time is futile.
I should be getting to sleep now.
I really really really loved today, honestly.:D
And I probably wouldn't trade it for the world.
As yanglin said, best- est day ever!
Ciao people!
Here's some pictures for comic relief.
(this is the first time I'm uploading pictures, so...)

"So she's given up?"
jaime.

2007-10-12T00:09:00.000+08:00

OUT LATER(or tomorrow), finally!
Reunions and memories, let's keep them close to our heart and never let them fly away.

i'm a confused little kid who has no freaking idea what is happening to her and the people around her and how her frienships and what not are evolving. Things I want are being torn up into impossibility and immorality, how it'll hurt other people and all. Is this adolescence? I hope this is a phase which phases out soon, cause I need more faith. Cause I never want to give up hope on the better good. "I Love You" is a funny phrase, you can say it all the time, but you can never say it when you mean it. In front of the people you love the most and want to express gratitude, it'll never come. Its ironic, but this is life.
I'm excited about tmrw/today! Let's go go go!:DDDDD

"What if our love, never went away"
jaime.:D

2007-10-10T16:52:00.000+08:00

GOLF, GUITAR, RUNNING!:D:D:D
Freedom at last!
I'm finally blogging here and not trying to digest some large chunk of evil information and then memorising it. That is hell, this is savanah. No more gehenna. Hello paradise! Whee whee whee.
I think I'm not gonna do very well, but, aye, who cares lah.:D
I cannot be bothered. I'm going to take a rest from all that books and stationery. Withdrawal symptoms. I wanna wanna wanna go down to Seletar now. Let's go run in the rain, cause there's nothing more fulfilling than that. Haha, but there's nothing worse than getting a flu and getting nagged by mummy. Which is it, which is it?

Turn it up, 5 minutes to midnight.:D I'm so going to sleep early tonight and grow tall! Let's get lost in our dreams and aspirations, or let's just get lost in Singapore. Or we could just take a train ride around the world and see how it works and moves and be moved.:D:D How's that sound?The palace maid is going to fall helplessly through the roof and into the basement. Just because. Swing me to the moon and fetch me a shooting star. Cause I'm in love with a statue of an astronaut who's taken my heart outer space to hide behind the hills.

Oh gosh, what am I saying! This is insane. But I'm not. Haah! This is what exams do to you. I'm so going to break my hand writing notes. Beat that, beat that! If I do well for SAs like 6 goooood A1s, I'm gonna fly around like jayjay the jetplane and I'm sure as hell gonna be a silly saturday night fever dancer, totally. Haha, 6A1s kissed goodbye. Assuming you can't run away, do your best to hide your face. Save me the embarrassment of not doing well. I want to do well. I hope my notes and all helped me this term, even though, I highly doubt. PLEEEASE. :/

REMIX!:D
I know you get what you get you get what you deserve. I'm sick of everybody else. Not the easiest person to love. I know sometimes its hard to see, I'm not afraid to fall. You fill the darkness with just one flash of light, the magic's in the music and the music's in me. Staring out into the night, I guess you don't know me at all. And stronger now, than ever. But deep inside the corner of my eye, I'm attached to you. You're desperate for an answer, the night's grown shorter. Sunlight breaks over moonlit skies, this day comes to mind.
Now, wasn't that fun.:D

Have fun enjoying your holidays or whatever. Memories are good, remember them.:D
Its good to be back, but its better to be on the track.
Now let's get those asses moving and make something out of nothing. For sucess comes not without hard work. :DDDDDDDD

"I'll sing with you forever, for the rest of my days"
palace maid, jaime.
who's extremely random and happy now.:D

2007-09-30T16:02:00.000+08:00

Today is a good day.
Oh, happy day!
Today is a happy day!
I'm happy with the things that have happened.
And I'm happy with the people I've met.
Yes yes. Its a good way to end a month and start off a new week.
Yesyes. Its time to study hard and take the leap.
We're all little chicks learning to fly.
One step at a time, people!
Study study!
Today has been good.
I like the things that have happened today.
Time to go run off and mug mug mug!
I shall not be seen online till exams are over.
Or at least not on this blog.:D
till next time!

"I know you're jeaaalous!:D"
jaime.

2007-09-29T20:19:00.000+08:00

Eleven days till the end of exams.
I have to have to study.
Ayeee. I hate hate HATE this feeling of arghness.
It downright sucks.
You know?
How much people can change and how much you'd change and how much you'll leave behind? And how much you know you'll change and do so much and never get the friendships that you want forged in the way you want it?
But Aunty Michelle says its either Go, Grow, No or Slow.
I'll just do my best. But I really don't want to think about this anymore.
It is hell. HELL, hell.
DANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Okay, its been a hectic week.
I haven't studied much.
Tonight. All night stand with my books, ey?
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
Okay. I shouldn't be here anymore. And you shouldn't see me here till 11 days.
I really don't want to blog or come online during exam period.
I know I shouldn't be.
Temptations. Haii.
Okaaaay. In order to pass EOYs, I should go now.
Gooooooodbyee loveliess.(:

"I ruined a friendship before it even began."
jaime.

2007-09-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

FEAST DAY!
was the bomb, is the bomb and will forever be the bomb!:D
It was great. Disco-ing and truth or dare them all.
Its fun, really. Sureeeeee, a little draggy the front bit, but it was great altogether!
We played truth or dare at out sixty-nine table and yeah, it was coooool.
It was the greatest. No elaboration needed.(:
We took the 1am bus back. Supposed to take the 12am bus, but, HEH.
You knoww, disco-ing is too fun.
Time flies when you're going crazy, really.
And when we got into the bus, everybody was half dead.
But it was very very very very goooooooood.(:

Today, we had pract for children's day.
And we went for lunch!:DDDDD
We played truth or dare/dare or dare.
It was REALLLLLYY funny.
And it was greaaaat fun.
The kind of fun, you'll never have in school, ever.

And then I came home to sleep, and I went off for golf.
GOLF GOLF GOLF!
I played considerably well today! Which is really good.(:
I like golf. It releases stress. It kills people in your mind.
It takes away your worries. Its realllly goooood.:D!
And then I came home, and I wanted to play more.
Its not my fault, really.
Its not my fault people make me feel shitty.
But, whatevs.(:
Golf is goooood.

And then, I was trying to do work.
Quite productive I guess.
At least I didn't end up staring at the table or dreaming into space.
I hope I'll finish everything in time.
DID YOU KNOW THAT ENGLISH SA IS ON TUESDAY!
Oh fishh.
Eighteen more days.
Its longer than it seems. So much longer. :/
Ahh wells.
I'll try to keep offline.
And you can message me, yes.
But my messages have already exceeded.
But that won't stop me. NYAHAHAHA!
Night one and all!

"Slap me, if you please."
jaime.

2007-09-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

One week ban didn't work.
Well at least I didn't blog.

After exams, i'm gonna be an active kid.
GOLF RUN GOLF RUN GOLF RUN RUN, I hope!
I sooo want to play like that!
And go out. That is the life.

Feast day tomorrow.
I am excited! So much fun.
Wheeeee. But before that we gotta mug mug mug!
That's what you get for taking exams.

If you want to think I'm inferior, I really can't stop you.
If you want to think You're superior, I can't stop you either.
All I can do is be the best person I can, and hope for the best.

"And that's the classic love story"
jaime.
rather disorganised, I know.

2007-09-16T16:36:00.000+08:00

Hello world!
Exams are in 2 weeks.
Mug mug mug! Cram cram cram!
JIA YOU JIA YOU!
So, I want to overachieve and get 9A1s, big deal.
Not like its going to happen, anyways.
Next week is the beginning of afternoon study.
Yippeee! I'll be forced to study.
And my darling computer shall not tempt me.
So, technically, I don't want to come online till Friday after CL.
So people, sms me if you want to keep me company. DO NOT ASK ME TO COME ONLINE.
I shall murder you and cook curry with your bones if you do.
I will resist the urge to come online!
I have to train too!
I refuse to be murdered on the track by seniors, people, whatever.
I will train, I will train, I will train.
I will study, I will study, I will study!

Seriously, shoot yourself and die. What time consuming! Can you open your eyes to the world?! People try to conceal their busy schedules so they aren't deemed weak. You beef up your extremely empty schedule so that people can pity you. Oh please lah. Like anybody would do that. Nobody cares. Everybody has their own life to lead, their own things to cope with. Time is precious, who's gonna waste their time pitying. Fluke, that's what it is. You don't deserve to be getting what you do. You can barely cope with what you have. With more, I pity them. Seriously, you're gonna get yourself into trouble. You'll never rise beyond what you have, cause its fluke.
And the rest of the world, please stop saying that our class chair is not efficient, cause I will really slaughter you if you did. You chose her, deal with it. Thank you.

And now, I have to go for golf.
Ciao!

"I'm giving up on my little time consuming fantasies."
jaime.
seeyou in 5 days!

2007-09-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Me!
I AM 14!
Here are my list of 14 things to do.
I have a list of 20 in my file, but those are different.
These are promises I'll make to myself. (:

1) I promise to study hard and give my best no matter what.
2) I promise to train hard and not slack off and be driven.
3) I promise to stop being distracted by people and things.
4) I promise to be less mean and more kind.
5) I promise to stop complaining.
6) I promise to be a well behaved girl.
7) I promise to make sure that I don't become a despo maniac.
8) I promise to be persistent and hardworking.
9) I promise to help people in need.
10)I promise to make people see what they do wrong.
11)I promise to be responsible.
12)I promise to be less greedy.
13)I promise to be serious.
14)I promise to keep as many of my promises as possible.

I can't promise not to have false hope, because its human nature.:/
I'm 14 with 14 promises on my mind. I'll fulfill them.
14 with more responsibilities, more things on my mind.
I'm fourteen. fourteen years of joy and laughter.
so many years more. positive attitude, let's go.
With hope on my mind and faith in my heart.
Take it away, forget yesterday. Regretless we stand.
Now and forever. Memories faded, but never forgotten.

"I could have been there."
jaime.
but i chose not to be, and to do what I want to.

2007-09-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

A very solemn goodbye to the holidays. A very solemn goodbye to the often computer visits. And a very sad and unpleasant welcome to the whole bunch of studying that I have gotten myself into for starting to go to school in 2000. Pffsh.

Tomorrow is the new term. And I just finished my homework. I haven't studied. YAY ME!(: I am sooo dead. I want want want want to do well. And I just realised is that tomorrow, we're going to get our papers back. Oh Sh-oot. I don't don't want them back. Like not in a million years. Pleeease, I DONT WANT.:/

Now, we have to have to mug like crazy. Cause I'm so afraid that I'll screw up EOYs. And I really don't want that, do I?

DAMN. My table is a mess and my brain is synonymous. It is super confused now. Can you tell? Betcha can't. I will never tell Francesca anything anymore, because she confuses me more than sets my mind straight, thank you. I just want to sleep away every every thing. And sleep through the exams. Oh let everything be okay. Let love be everywhere. And my mind's going loco, greatttt. I need a confidanté who won't confuse me. I need to accept the facts. Acceptance, yeah right. Get a life Jaime, acceptance is a facade.

I am tired, and I have to go to school tomorrow. How is this rejuvenating? And as I've said before, one week of holidays is not enough. Take it away, let's go for it. Finish what we started, reach the end and collect a bunch of tears for regrets and fears. And then change the route. We're going to need apaptations. We're like animals, we adapt to survive. But those who don't, don't survive. I want to adapt well. I want to live it well. I want to be positive about this leap of faith. Is it so hard? Why I can't I trust the facts and the promises of all these big ideas? Why can't I? Its promising and it looks perfect, but there are always those little glitches at the little sides that you'll never see until you step in and aren't able to come out.

I want this Jaime, I want it. Go in, give it a shot and shut the hell up. Stop doubting. If you hate it, you just have to spread the love. Make it work. Its the things you make of your choices not the choices you make that make you the person you are. There is no victory without a risk. Take the risk, fall down and pick yourself up, feel that victory. Go on silly. You CAN do it. Now stop doubting. Have faith, have a great term and be positive. Treasure your moments and never look back. No regrets.(:

Let's go let's go. Take it away, forget yesterday. All the way, all the way. Just do it, don't look back, the future awaits.

"No regrets, no regrets?"
jaime.(:
And have a great term ahead, loving everyone from the heart. :D

2007-09-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

Jaime is finally panicking.WHAT IF.Now, I really don't know what I want. Is this the right path? Will there be love like no other?Like the way my friends are now?I really really don't know. I'm leaving my family of friends and feeding myself to a jungle. What will it be like?Guide my path, light my ways. Teach me, help me, be with me.
I'm afraid. Very afraid. What if. I dare not think.
But then again, you'd never know what the future lies. Since I've gotten this far, I'll stick with my choices, like I'll always do. I hope this is right, I hope this is true.

I am happy. (:

"Its all you ever wanted, right?"
jaime. just a little, scared.

2007-09-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD.

THANK YOU FOR TODAY PEOPLE.
It was wonderful wonderful wonderful.
I think, this is the one and only time that I'd get something as nice and close to as nice as this.
Its super sweet you know! And for all that time you all put in! I hope you really really enjoyed yourselves! THANK YOU x9999999999999999999999999!

So here are your indivdual dedications(:

STEPHANIE! Thanks for letting us crash at your house! It's the perfecto destination and it was great fun! Thank you for contacting everybody and everything. And for everytime you photocopied for me, and did science pract for me, and talked to me and took 163 and everything with me. For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

FRANCESCA! Thanks for updating me every every day on what was going on, and listening to my advice when it is not important, and listening to me go on and on and for being a friend and for organising my party! For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

HILLARYKOH!Thanks for planning the thing and doing everything for this! For not throwing knives and for putting up with all my nonsense over the don't know how long. You've beeen great, now stop attacking people! For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

ARIELLE!Thanks for going down so many times to help them! For organising this and for being in all(or most) of my groups over this year! Thanks for eating recess with me and talking nonsense with me! For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

SULIN! Thanks for coming! And being my class partner for the last year! Thank you for talking to me and listening to my 1001 different sets of nonsense! For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

YANGLIN&MAO! Thanks for coming! And for being such a wonderful classmate and ex-classmate! For the wonderful OM memories and the different things that have happened over the years!For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

JANE,DENISE&BEATRICE! Thanks for being in my group and for teaching me the 10001 card games and what not over the year!For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

QINYUE,MINYAN,MAXINE,JOVITA,HILLARYh.&CAROLINE! Thanks for coming though I don't really know you all all that well! Thanks for the memories and all the fun and joy you brought to our class!For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

MARRISSA,LISSA&CELESTE! Thank you SVDP people! You all are the best! Thank you for coming and for being my CL companions and all! For the bus rides and dinners before CL and all! For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

MICHELLE! Thank you for listening to my rubbish throughout the years, helping my solve my problems and going out with me the multiple times doing the strangest things!Thank you for coming today even though it may have been weird with all my classmates and all! Thanks!For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

FEL&DARYL! Thank you for my chocolates and sweets! For all the different times, sharing sessions, msn convos, smses and conversations. The stuff and the stuff! Thanks for coming today even though you all probably felt extremely out of place! Thanks! For everything! I LOVE YOU TO BITS! 谢谢!

And for everybody else who shared my present, made this possible or helped with something or other, I thank you and sincerely, love you to bits!(:

I feel loved and loved. Today, is a goood day. But, tomorrow will be better!
248 dollars to go, JIAYOU!(:

" I have the sweetest friends ever, I bet you are jealous now! "
jaime, the luckiest girl alive. (:

2007-09-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

I am freaking going to get a 27.9 handicap.
And I am freaking going to be better than you.
Because, you do not deserve to be better than me.
And, I will not allow you to be.
This is what you get, for being biased.
For not treating people right.

Fine, that was mean.
I take that back. NOT.

Today we had a fun day.
27 holes, 3 rounds, 1 day.
Can you tell me how much fun that is?
Cheryll: That's the bird that attacked Shaun, OOH, I love you bird.,
This is what happens when idiots are shown in their true light.(:
They are hated and are condemned.
Well, serves you right, idiots.
It's not my fault, you're all so effing idiotic.:D
Jaime's just being very mean and annoyed at this point of time.
This is irrational annoyance, do not attempt to understand the root cause or whatever.
Because I am really tired now, and I can't wait to play more golf and run a super fast 5km tmr.
Hell yeah.

I AM GOING TO GET A TWENTY-SEVEN POINT NINE, MARK MY WORDS.
I will get a good handicap, thank you.
We will make Trent proud, and make all the golfers come to him.
Because we are goooood, and always shall be. Fullstop.

And now, Jaime just feels like taking her 7 iron, and whacking somebody's head really hard, so that the person can fall and die.
But Jaime shall not be mean, and she shall be nice.
And she will follow Ghandi's philosophy of non-violent protests.
And will not be violent or mean.
Cause mean people are savages.
Just like you, idiot.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
(yes I know, its mean to call people idiots and savages, but its less mean when compared to idiots who be idiots and are idiots, so, I consider myself considerably civilised.:D)
I am so not in the right mind today.(:

"just whack them and shout 'fore'!"
jaime. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

2007-09-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

Holidays are here!
Its supposed to be regarded as a study break.
Yeah, right.
If it were a 2 week break, maybe.
But one week is just too short.
Teachers enjoy killing us.
And we still celebrate teachers' day for them.
Pfft, yeah thanks.

Aaanyway.
Yesterday, I went to watch ratatouille with denise,caroline, jane and hillary.
It was gooood.
I watched denise play audition and then I went for CL.
Jaime was thinking of being a nice half blind kid.
But apparently, things don't happen the way you expect them to be.
So I had to be a kid who could see. Dangg!

Anyways, I was online till one, thinking about how horribly some people I know are and how I felt like throttling them. And then I became oddly un-jaime-like and I talked nonsense again and then went offline.

Today, a year ago, was the best day ever. First September. Hell yeah. We had so much fun, and we forged friendships and we were just having the time of our lives. Let's have fun everyday!(:

And now, I don't feel so happy. :/
Hope's a funny thing, it makes you so happy and yet kills you inside, slowly, one part at a time.
I should stop having hope, no matter what.
Optimism, without hope?
Like a no strings attach scholarship?
I don't think so. I really don't think so.
Why is it that you can get everything I want, and my consolation is getting dimmer and dimmer? Maybe what they say is true, the grass is always greener on the other side. And maybe it is, but this side is green and that's enough. But its so hard to keep thinking that. Why does it eat me inside! Yeah, its right there in my face. But what is it. Why don't I get it. Why can't I get it? More chances, I say. Then, better reputation. Then, niceness. Then, I give up. And then it just never goes away. Something is wrong with me. I am wrong. Thanks. You make me feel sick without even doing anything, but yet it makes me feel so deprived. THANK YOU.

OKAY. enough ranting. (:
I'm gonna get some coolio penpals.
Cooler than sugarfree sugarful idiots.
Jaime does not hate anyone, Jaime does not hate anyone.
I need to stuff that into my thick head thanks.

"scars make us stronger for life."
jaime.

2007-08-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE ADMIN, HELLO FANTASTIC PA!
Yaaaaay! Jaime is happy. No wait, Jaime is beyond happy, she's elated.
I loooooooveeeeeee Performing Arts! :D!
Thaaank Youuu people who decided that, thank youu exco!
Oh by the way, the re-organisation is the cool!
WE SINCERELY PROMISE TO DO OUR BEST. (:
Francesca is planning something. I am scared.
Seriouslyyy. But maybe, just maybe, Francesca will be nice.
Jaime has decided to be nice.
No introductions and no toothpaste ideas, for now.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE CL PLEASE!
:D:D:D:D:D Oh wait, its ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ!
Righteousss!(:
Stupid Chinese high rioters, stupid textbooks.
I'm going crazy, and extremely tired.
Gooood night sexiess!:D

'For with God, nothing will be impossible.'
jaime.

2007-08-18T14:51:00.000+08:00

I finally did my 'I will' list for my mum was demanding from me.
Actually, its the list of things I will do because I'm going to yes, if you haven't known VIP.
And its more for myself than anyone/anything, so that I'll stay on course.
And I did a list of 20 things, cause its a nice round number.
The hardest 2 things would probably be:
#9 I will be responsible; and
#20 I will do my best.

#9 I will be responsible
Hello world, I am Jaime the most forgetful being on the face of the Earth who is not detailed enough and misses out the most important details, who is damn suay and has been performing up to standard. This is me. The irresponsible one. Me. Commitment, yes. Enthusiasm, sometime. Effort, maybe. Responsibility, absent. ZERO. And promising to myself to be responsible is going to be really hard. But yeah, effort. Therefore, I will ~~TRY to~~ be more responsible.

#20 I will do my best
This is especially hard when hard when you're at the 200m mark with 600m more of your say 2000m schedule and you feel like giving up, and you don't want to give your 100 percent, because you're too tired. Or when you need to study, but then you really don't feel like it. And when your homework comes tumbling down and you just have this urge to randomly write answers in, in your worse possible handwriting. Yeah. Like that. How do you live up to what you say about yourself, about how you always give 'your best'? Tell me how. I really want to do my best, but then, there's so many occasions where you have to choose, and you choose not to. And then, you would have failed. FAILED, failed. FAILURE. And then there's this part about not knowing what's your best. And how its the effort that counts and how you just console yourself cause of laziness. So yes. But I want to do my best, and I want to do the best. Therefore, I will do my best.

AND NOW. My feet are freezing and my books are waiting by my table. And, my mind is going on and on and on. And now, I have a choice to make, to do my best, or to slack off in front of my tempting computer. What do you think I will choose?(:

"I've been delusioned from the start."
jaime.
(no I'm not deep. I'm simply looking at my incredulous list)

2007-08-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

I'm such a silly girl.
And I ought to be killed cause I did the stupidest and most confusing thing in the book of jaime.
Why don't I know better?

"Ancestor! You're olddddd!"
jaime. í feel stupid, thanks.

2007-08-12T13:27:00.000+08:00

I can't exactly say what I intend to say anymore.
Like everything I want to say is a sensitive topic or that it'll make me seem like something I'm not. So, I can't really say anything.And everything seems to be changing. And everything's changing in the reverse. In the opposite of what it used to be. Sure, I wanted it all. But, now. Its just different. But everything will change, its just a matter of time.

Fullstop. Enough. The more I dwell, the more it scares me. The more I dwell, the more I am distanced from what I'm desperately trying to treasure now. Enough. FULLSTOP.

I shall be more disciplined. I shall be more driven. This part of me that I always wanted to be, is still yet to be. Sadly. But, I'll work on it. Or at least I'll try. Rahh! JAIME, GET A GRIP OF YOURSELF! So, let's just try and work with the time we have left, yeah?

SOON it'll all be over, them books and studies. SOON it'll all be over, them days of dreaming. SOON it'll all get started, them days of stress and reminiscing. RIGHT.

OH. And Arielle's coming for SHINE JESUS SHINE! I gotta practice my lines! TAHAA.:DD!

Every thing happens at all the wrong times. When you want something, it never goes. And when you stop wanting it, it comes to you with open arms. Murphy's law? Why can't we stay long enough to receive what we want? Things things things. Life life life. Nothing ever seems to go the way you want it to. But lessons learnt! We grow wiser. We become more intelligent. We do less stupid things. Less stupid things, more justified things. YESYES. More justified.

"You are the dreamer, and we are the dream."
jaime.

I was blinded. Blinded by your grandeur.

2007-08-10T17:40:00.001+08:00

I studied a little today!
I feel accomplished!(:

Anyways. I feel very very very very very very very very very excited about 2ndNOV and everything. But I'm super super super scared also. I'm so afraid that it's been the wrong choice all along and that I won't enjoy it as much. I'm so afraid that what I'm seeing now, is what I'll feel next year. And I'm so afraid that it'll be worse than last year. But its your attitude that defines your altitude and destiny. So I'm going to keep brainwashing myself(even if it isn't all that effective) and I'm going to keep being positive. Like during all the numerous competitions, when all the longDs had our positive attitude. :D!

I'm hoping that I'll still feel God and still bring him into my life everyday to be a motivation to go on and see him guide me and help me through life's trials and tribulations. I'm so worried that everything will change and that I won't even see him in life anymore. I'm hoping that life won't be meaningless then. Because I don't think I would feel like I'd have made the right choice. And I hope, that I won't feel sick and tired of doing whatever I do everyday. And I pray with all my heart that I don't go to school everyday just to heal the wounds that some people have made on others because of me. After so long, I still wonder. Yes, take a leap of faith. Take the risk. Know what you're missing out. Or, see your mistake and your shortcomings. Its brave and dangerous and to certain extends stupid. But this is all I wanted right? Isn't it? I'm not sure anymore. But I know that since I've come this far and so much has happened. I'm winging it. Sticking with it till the end. My choice, I'll pay the consequences. I know God won't do it for me all the time. We're here to learn. I'm still afraid. But I'll do my best. And I'll live my life well.

All for you Lord, All for you. I'll do my best.Everything for your glory, everything for your praise.Let me be what I'm meant to be and let it be the right path I choose. Let me live my life for you, Lord. Let me be what you stand for. Your will, and not mine be done. Use me, Lord.

"take it from my hands, cause I can't do this on my own"
jaime.

2007-08-06T18:31:00.001+08:00

WISHLIST!

Yes, a little early. But, hey, I had a free period of geog yet again. WHAT WAS I TO DO!

1)World Peace!
2)No homework!
3)για να είναι στην εκτελεστική επιτροπή λειτουργίας των παιδιών, I mean, to fry more ~~head prefects~~ plasticine figures!
4)For it to snow in Singapore!
5)INFINITE SUPPLY OF FROSTIES, or ownership of Nestle!
6)To go for a Corrinne May Concert real soooon!
7)CRUMPLERR!(western lawn/hoax!)
8)A nice black flippity flip wallet!
9)Water bottlee!
10)10 A1s!(Do I even take 10 subjects?)
11)~~FLY AWAY CD!~~I think its supposed to be my christmas present.
12)Sneakers!(Which I think my mum will buy for me.:D)
13)Deuter Green School Bag!(Which I will demand from my parents if I don't get it. HAA)
14)Greeeeen golf tees!
15) Greeeen golf balls!(Yes, I won't be able to see it on the course.)
16)RED/GREEN IPOD NANO!
17) JAIME DAY SCHOOL/PUBLIC HOLIDAY!
18)CPR Manual! (I find it extremely hilarious!)
19)Pencil Case!
20)Stationery!(Markers{no hillary hoo, not MARCUS, but MARKERS}, Pens, Notebooks, Files, Pencils, Erasers,MUJI PENS!, etc.)
21)TAJ MAHAL!
22)Find a RICHRICH guy for ELIZABETHTANSULIN!
23)Red Cross Uniform!
24)Present from randompersonx!
25)Surprise Birthday Party!
26)Play Truth or Dare! (Yes, I have ulterior motives for the 'TRUTH' part)
27)New Books to read!
28)Fly First Class on SQ!
29)Find someone to go home with from school next year who isn't a wall or anything half as close to it.

Yes, and you must agree that I have to update it soon, cause nothing makes sense. Apart from the few very very expensive things. Yesss! HAHA.

3weeks+3days till end of CAs!JIAYOU!

I AM NICE! FINALISTS ARE GOOD ENOUGH. AS LONG AS YOU TRY!(:

"All you need is my 'Amen'."
jaime.
mingnian,woyaozhuoipteamdecaptain.

2007-08-05T16:47:00.001+08:00

i'm leaving, don't try to change my mind.
-corrinne may, leaving.

That was so apt.
And cat class too.
Aunty Michelle said, 'Would you take the risk, or stand there and watch'
Okay, sure. It wasn't referring to what I was thinking about.
But I'm still thinking if its the right choice. And when she said that it just hit me.
I've watched for long enough, its my turn now.
And then I hurt leaving.
Course the song's not about what I'm thinking about either.
Its about sin. But yeah. It hits me.
I'm made the choice. I'm sticking to it.
I'll miss you all. Seniors, Juniors, Friends.
Suree. But, there's the internet.
Suree, it won't be the same.
But what makes you think it will ever be the same?
I'm not going to think about it anymore.
Its the right choice.
I don't care if it means that I'd be exasperated everyday.
It means that I'll be there, doing what I want to do.
Fulfilling my dreams. Pursuing happiness.
Its a free country ain't it?

Corrinne May's new album is the best.
Seriously. Too bad rest of the world, yours will come on 8th September.:P
Thank You Stephanie and Daryl!(:
WITHOUT THE CD I WOULD HAVE DIED. YOU UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I SAY, DIEEE?
Imagine if I had to wait the one month. I could barely have waited the 1.5hours y'know!

Thanks Janet for being such a great junior!(:
Thanks for making my day.
OHOH, and. HAHA. Thanks Daryl for the AHEM insight on childhood.
HAHAAAAAAAA. If you're meant to know what it means, you will, rest of the world.
YAAAAY! I'm happy. I AM A HAPPY KID!(:

"Call my name, let me be an answer."
jaime. PLEEEAASEE.

wo yi jing fang qi le. zhen de fang qi le.
i've given up, it exasperates me too much.
if it was meant to be, then it would have been...

2007-08-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

RAHH.FRIDAY!
I thank courtney gordon for being such a spasticated dyslexic retard. THANK YOU CHARLIE!
Today was the party thing. I MISSED OUT ON MY CONCERT. Can you see the disappointment?
LOCAL TALENT SHOULD BE SUPPORTED LAHHH!
Haha, anywayss.
YES. Today. The ordinary.
Lit test was alright I guess, no stress.
Free periods for geog. I need to do something soon.
History. Riots. Stupid people, violence is never the way to go!
PFFFFTTT. Anyways.

I hate it when I seem to be working for a worthless cause.
How could Claude McKay ask the African Americans to fight a losing battle?
Sure, there's a meagre bit of hope.
But, its ever so demoralising.
If one party is not agreeable, you'll never get what you want
You'll never get what you want.
Why can't I just give up. Why?
Yes, I have. But that ray of hope. Oh, that ray of hope.
Oh block it out, put it in the dark. Take away that reflecting mirror.
I don't need these false hope anymore. I don't need to see those images.
Oh shut up. Just shut up. I need my peace and quiet. I need my rest.
Let it rest. Let the right thing come. Let it all be right.

OKAY. ENOUGH.
I AM A HAPPY KID. I AM A HAPPY KID. I AM A HAPPY KID.
Obviously,my brainwashing, according Mrs Clean Colour doesn't work. Pfft.

"why do I keep counting"
jaime. I AM SO JEALOUS OF STEPHANIELEONGWANYI.

2007-08-02T16:43:00.000+08:00

Its thursday, and its after school!
Which means, one more set of lessons before we can go and rest and relax!
JOYYYY! I so absolutely love Fridays. Fridays are the time when you become happy. Really happy. Fridays are the love. <333!

I will do my homework today. I will get graphs. I will study. I will. I'm so excited! Tomorrow, I'll slack. So, now I must work hardd. Ahh. Graphs kill. Physics practical's torture. I can never get the practs even vaguely correct! I'll have to redo it like one million gazillion thousand billion times lah. And we only have forty-five minutes to do three absolutely positively correct and mark giving practicals. AND, my physics concepts are not all that clear. Oh, someone save mee, pleasee. I will not flunk any of the papers. I'm going to try to ACE them. Terribly difficult, I reckon. I WILL STRIVEE.

Alright. This is getting in the way of my, let's be hardworking and do lots of work time. Ciao!

"That's what you get when you let your heart win."
jaime. FRIDAYY!

2007-07-31T17:38:00.000+08:00

Stop making it hard for me to brainwash myself, dammit!
Oh stop giving yourself false hope already, Jaime.
why does everything seem to fit themselves into that impossible dream?

Tomorrow marks the beginning of August.
Which means, 2 more months. Hell yeah.
I shall not think about the future. I shall not.
Oh, who am I kidding? I can't wait!
I need more focus and concentration!

Stardeeeeeeee!
Thank you Courtney Kheng for yesterday! I hope your game today went well, yeah? Thank you for giving me a reason to sit down and mug! Again, again! WE SHALL GET OUR ALTHOUGH EXTREMELYEXPENSIVEANDEXORBITANT HOT AND SEXY DARLINGS! Yes, we will. Save harder, Study harder! Birthday/Christmas Present! Yeeeey!

I can't help thinking about the future!
The end is so imminent! I want it to end, but I don't want it to finish. I'll miss it all, I'll want it all back. But I want the new beginning so muchhh! Contradicting! Let's hide away in our books and study harder now!

Alrightio. I shall go do some productive and accomplishing works. I need my money. Prefably 500 please, and thank you. Stardeeeeeee!

We shall strive, and soarrr!

"I don't like him, I don't like him."
jaime. the brainwashing process.
I need to be sure, y'know?

2007-07-28T15:23:00.000+08:00

Shut up, Rihana. I am over you.

"P.S. I AM STILL OVER YOU."
jaime. OH SHUT UP RIHANA.

2007-07-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

I was just looking at my archives.
Oh man. It was may last year that I decided that I would refuse to do IP.
And just 2 months after that, I hungered so much to get in.
And now, a year and 2 months later. I am in.
And I realised how much I wanted to get into RJ.
Well, things change don't they. Things change.
And I realised how much my profile here on my blog would change.
Greatly, greatly. See the amount of eradications?
No, they won't be gone entirely. They'll just be changed.
I won't forget the memories I had, and the people that I love.
No, I won't. No I won't at all.
But I can't help thinking how much life would change, and how much I would change.
And I saw how much I wanted to do triple science.
Well, I still get to do it, I guess.
And. How much I wanted that closeness.
And how much sometimes I think I still do.
But you see, its different, its different.
How different, I don't know.
I just don't want to be back at square one.
Stupid, embarrassed and faraway.
I want things to work out this time.
Yes, I do.

Opportunity cost.
I'd gain joy and experience. But I'd lose safety.
I can't help thinking how much I'd miss everyone, and everything.
But, I can't help thinking about how much fun I'd have.
How much more I'd learn, how much I'd change and grow.
How much I'd follow what I've wanted to do.
How much I'll try to outshine and fail.
And yet, still know I am good enough.
How much I'd feel.
I really want it. But I don't know its what I need.
I hope it is. And I'm hoping its the right choice.
I really do. I'll cope. I know I will.
Or at least, I'll try.
Thank you, Lord.
You did this much for me, knowing now, I'd ask for more.
You knew how much would be expected of me, now.
And I know you'd pull me through. You'd guide me.
Help me. I need your help more than ever now.
And yet, I thank you everyday.

"MONK-GO GOO-MEE!"
jaime. sometimes you need to lose something, to gain something else.

2007-07-23T20:00:00.000+08:00

REACTIONS.
Why's the reaction like that?
I'm apprehensive myself, no doubt.
But I've been given this chance, and I've wanted it so much.
I'm not throwing it away because of fear and because of distance.
I won't. I won't. Its gone through in my head a gazillion times.
I want this so badly, can't you understand.
From the day that we started making up this plan.
I wanted it so much. We wanted it so much. We really wanted to make this work.
Did you think I trained so hard for nothing? Did you think I went to find out so many things just to socialise? No. I wanted it. I wanted something new.
At first, it was to get out of the problems that tumbled down. Then it was a challenge, and then it was just something that I wanted. No words could explain.
I prayed so hard. Did you think it was for fun?
Some things just don't go the way I want them to, but I'll stick to it.
I don't care if you don't approve of my going.
I've wanted this for too long. And I am not giving up. Even if I have to live like this for the next 3 months. Avoiding people. Avoiding tantrums. I've been given this chance, and I believe its from God. I'll take it, and make the best out of it. Now its your turn to decide. To accept my choice, or to be angry at me for getting the chance to choose. Your choice. You could spend the next 3 months with me, happily. Creating happy memories for us all to treasure. Or just spoil it, so that you won't remember me at all. YOUR CHOICE, not mine.

"Cause I don't think that they'd understand."
jaime.

2007-07-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

Dreams really do come true.
Now, I believe.

It was one year ago where I plonked myself before my laptop talking to michelle, about what I didn't like and how I wanted to get it all away. And then we came up with this plan to go somewhere new, somewhere exciting, somewhere where we'd all have a fresh new start and a new chance at things. And that was it. Our dream. My dream.

And now, one year later, where I still remember how far I thought the dream was and how unlikely it was for it to be realised. I'm here knowing that God's given me what I've been praying for. And I'm here faced with a choice. To go, or not to go. Its been something I've wanted so much for so long. But its something that'll define the next 2-4 years of my life. I really want to have a go at it. But I'm afraid. That I'll lack behind, that I won't do well. But I know that you really can't let fear get in the way of the pursuit of the things we want. And I think of everything I'll leave behind. All those friendships fostered, everything that I've worked for. But then again, everything I worked for, was for this dream. So, its a decision, I'll have to make.

While I haven't made my decision yet, I think that I'll probably go for it. I'm very sorry, my dear friends that I won't be there anymore. I never really thought I mean that much, and still, I don't. But I'll always remember all the times we've had in our hearts. And I'll always treasure you. Really. And, you know that you'll always have me here, just a phone call away. I'll still be here. Things will change, but ultimately it will. Its just sooner or later. Nothing stays the same forever. Really. I'm sorry for all the sadness incurred. Let's treasure the remaining time anyways.

OH. and I'm really sorry that due to some responsibilities we can't carry out plans as planned. I feel guilty. I'm really really sorry. I really wanted to go too. But yeah. Haii. Choices. I hope you all have fun, then.

"cause its reasons darling, you'll never know"
jaime.

2007-07-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

Nationals is almost over!
There's only final day left for me!
Finallyy!
I have one more individual race and one more team race.
It'll be all over soon. But I probably will miss all the nonsensical fun we've had.
And our seniors and junior will go bye bye now. So sad. :/
And we won't get to AHEMcutclassesAHEM anymore, but I guess that's cool.
I've learnt quite alot really, and I really hope that we'll work hard for next year!

Oh wells. Tomorrow, Courtney and I go out!
HURRAY! The long awaited day.
Its FRIDAYY tomorrow. Finally!
Caution: Tomorrow, If you need to talk to me or something, the chances of you being able to get in touch with a sensible, normal and not hyper Jaime is really low. I sincerely apologise.

Its been fun. I've found out so many things.
Well, not really. But a few things.
Its interesting, really.
And I'm really excited and hyper now.
Soooo... Waiting is killing me. Seriously.

Homework. There's alot.
2 days void of school. What would you expect?!
I want to play hide&seek again.
But I think, I won't get a chance. :/
Bother. Another time, another place then!

No more training. No more seniors and junior.
Oh man. That'll suck.
I'll miss all your nonsense Pokemons!
I will, I will.
But still, we'll run for Jesus.(:

VICTORIAJUNIORCOLLEGE SHOULD CALL ME SOON TO TELL ME THAT THEY WANT ME, BECAUSE I WANT THE CALL SO BADLY. THANK YOU.

I've finally relinked people who I know I'm supposed to relink and edited my blog and stuff. Hehs, easier for you people. Yay!

I'm too excited! Excitement destroys concentration! Going, gone.

"Fight the pain, don't give up!"
Jaime. We'll run for Jesus!

2007-07-08T15:05:00.000+08:00

nationals tomorrow!
i'm freaked out totally!
lots of things have been happening.
keyboard died, people on my nerves, etc.
we changed departments for cl.
i'm admin ic now. i'd thought that my ic-ing was overr!HMPH!
admin isn't as alive as pa, but its okay i guess.
i hope everything will go right!
in admin, in nats and with the interview.
IHOPETHEY'LLCALLMEANDACCEPTMEEEEE!
awkwardness kills and i'm going away from here.

"i'm hoping for a miracle."
jaime. faulty laptops kill.

2007-07-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

I am working on a tight tight time limit.

Hey, I know it sucks being unappreciated and unseen. Like everything behind the scenes ain't important and everything. But what's important is what YOU get out of it, from the process. It isn't what people see you as, because ultimately its GOD who sees you as your best and he's the only one who can judge you. He's the only one who matters. Just do your best and what you think is right. There'll always be obstacles in your life and in the way of you, but its those that help you grow and become the person that you will be. And, even if the whole world despises you, you've got GOD, your parents and the friends who care about you and will love you no matter what. You know they'll always be there. Appreciation is shallow. When you get your fill now, in heaven it'll all be gone. I know how much a simple sincere 'thank you' or a 'i hope you feel better' can make the darkest room bright, but sometimes its impossible for these things to come. So, you've just got to trust that what you do is important. For we can do no great things, just small things with great love. It'll all be fine. You know you're loved, darling. Its your choice to be happy remember and to brush it all off. (:

"make the right choices, trust the Lord."
jaime.i'm here to help.

2007-06-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

Today, I'm happy.
I'm happy cause I apologised, yet again.
I'm happy cause I made other people happy.
And I'm happy cause I found self-worth.
Today, I went high, and was probably back to myself.
Today, I feel more mature and confident.
Today, I feel more like the person I want to be.

My dreams are going to crush me soon, but there's a soothing effect.
Recently, I've learnt that when I offer things up to God, He'll always help me.
Its such a sacrifice to give it up, and accept whatever he gives us, but you've just gotta trust.
Sometimes, both ways it'll suck. But God will pull you through. He won't do anything that'll hurt you too much. He's our father, he loves us, and we know that.
I'm apprehensive about all the things that'll come. I pray that I'll get what I want. But I know somewhere deep down that I've just got to let it go. Cause God knows what's best.
Its hard to accept it, but we need to try. And I'm trying. But its hard to give up something you want so much. So very much. Something so dear to your heart. But our purposes on earth is to satisfy God's purpose for us, not our own purpose. I really need to keep that in mind.

I'm still happy despite all this. I feel so much more like the person I want to be.
No doubt, this week has been mountainous. But I feel so much better now!
I'd like to thank my friends for everything. Consoling, helping, explaining.
Wonderful people.

Choices. Choices. I guess its not what you do with them, but how you cope with them. And how you live through them and what you've learnt. Sometimes you're at a losing end, and both ways are just as gloomy. But, you know, sometimes its not important what you choose. Sacrifices will have to be made ultimately. Its just a matter of time. If something is meant for you, it'll come to you no matter how hard. Just believe. In God, in yourself and in your choices. It'll all be fine. Happiness helps. Stay happy, pray and believe.

Over the recent few days/weeks, I realised the power of prayer. Sometimes, you pray and don't realise what's working, and then you just forget about it. But then after that, you see consequences. Things don't happen the way they usually do. And you see the power of prayer. While it is saddening to know that you've put someone through hardships by forgetting, its heartening to know that God's listening to you. Prayer, its so important in our lives, but sometimes, we just neglect its importance and forget about it. Prayer makes us stronger. Prayer makes us understand. Prayer is God's way of asking us to humble ourselves. I'm thankful for being a Catholic. I'm thankful for being put in IJTP. But I believe that even if I do get what I want, I'll do my best to still think of God's presence. And spread the love of God. I'll do my best.

This post is rather random, but quite happy. I'm happy. I'm still not good at sympathsising with people. But, I'll do what I can. I'm gonna save the world and make everyone happy. I've proven myself right. I've made people happy, I've made them feel loved. I've influenced people to make others feel happy. No doubt, I'm not going to be a nun, but I'm still going to save the world! I'm such a dreamer, such the escapist!

I've seen my mistakes in the mistakes of others. Which helps me learn. I feel flawed still. But we're all humans! I'm going all out for nationals. I know its terrible training until you feel bored of training. But Opportunity implies obligation, Success at the expense of sacrifice. WE CAN, WE WILL!(: GO IJTP. We'll go all the way!

Thanks Lord for everything. My friends, the experiences, and my family. I'll love you forever and always.

"feel like a little girl, trying to conquer the whole wide world."
jaime. i'm gonna save the world!

2007-06-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

EDIT!
i'm not letting anyone read it no more.
HEHS. its gone. and its away.
Thanks y'all nice people who helped me be happy.
Now I know what people will do to help me.
I love you people tonnes and tonnes!
And to the people who make me feel bad, your brains are flushed down the drain.

"thanks for the memories!"
jaime.

2007-06-22T22:29:00.000+08:00

CL CAMP'S THE BEST DAMN THING!

it's the hottest most wonderful event of my whole entire holidays. 4 days of fun, joy and laughter. Reflection and sadness too. But DAMN, it was the best thing ever. Think of 4 days with friends, and not doing school work or even needing to see it to worry. It's beauty. And, I thank the exco. DAMN GREAT CAMP!

In detail now, the camp. For the benefit of those who didn't attend. (I'm making you jealous!)

19/6

We met in church, and then headed off for Lorong Low Koon. Played ice breakers made flags. Went to the zoo. We all had KFC and yeah. Looked for answers to questions in the zoo. Amazing race, zoo style. It was tonnes of fun, and Fel and I were like super enthu like REALLY enthu. We wanted to do out best, what more can I say. It was hot, but great. Jaime heard something she didn't want to hear, but she's learn to put it aside. Lift it up to the Almighty one, yo! Came back, had dinner. Had session. Watched Lilo and Stitch. Stitch is damn cute please! Praise and worship! I couldn't sing due to obvious reasons. Read the lyrics. Had spiritual. Daryl came to our group. It was like really heart-to-heart. Shared tonnes. Got to know people better. Played with wax. Felt kinda high. Was happy. Slept.

20/6

Breakfast, bible game. We almost won. Oh wells. Auctioned for food. Meaning that we had to bid for food. Our food sucked, but compassion pulled us through. I can't remember what else we did. But we played games! The water games! We used our hair to transport water. Fel's hair's a sponge! And since they wanted to get us wet, they made us use our clothes. My OM Shirt's a spongee!(: And then rugby! WHOA SHIOK. Like run and all. SHIOKNESS. Jaime lay down on the grass. Lucky me.(: Then we had session and praise and worship. No spiritual. We were sad. After that, we had roti prata. Exco bought for us. Sweet of them. Wrote fuzzies, slept.

21/6

We rann! So I didn't feel as guilty. Yeah!Had proper food. Bread still, but at least we had food. Waited for father to come. He cancelled on us. Daryl taught us some songs which I unfortunately couldn't sing. It was praise and worship basically. We did dance once more. FUN! Fel went to school the whoole morning so I was alone. That day was the one occasion in which I wanted to be shorter, but no, I don't want to be. I needa grow about 10cm more. That's alot! Oh bother. Then, we had lunch. Our Bob flag got stolen by exco. Sad, ey?I think after lunch we just hung around for a while and OH we did skit pract, which wasn't muh cause we changed the idea in church anyway. Yeah. GAMES! We made coffee with our mouths. And thanks tome for not being all that well, we didn't have to drink the coffee(: And we also played the move the chair game! We fell down, so we had to move back 5 steps. But we still emerged second. GO THOMAS! And then we played the balancing game thing. Whoa, the guys are strong, yo! The girls too! CLers are strong people! Then rugby once more. Shiokness. But this time we played Guys + exco girls and Girls + exco guys. So, Jon, Colin and Daryl became girls. And Mary, Rachel, FelMok and Same became guys. But Mary, Rachel, Sam and FelMok always play as guys anyway. We played for like what? 2 hours or 3. Both days we played about that long. so altogether we played for about 4 to 6 hours. Its like super fun! Really! CLASS OUTING PLAY RUGBY! But can you imagine 40 girls chasing a ball? Hahaa. We bathed and ate. Had session nd spiritual. Fel and I were kinda high during spiritual. My voice sucked, so I was whispering. Funny, please! We went around hugging people after that. We hugged almost everybody. Daryl did spritual with us again. We went back to dorms, wrote fuzzies. Got chased to sleep by colin. Lissa was entertaining herself with finding words and what not. I was accused of pretending to sleep. I was sleeping dammit! Oh wells.

21/6

I was kinda waiting for someone to wake me up. I kinda got up, couldn't sleep. Wasn't really happy. Fel knows why. Yeah. Mary got me up. Lizzi didn't want to wake up. I ran, wrote my remaining to fuzzies that I wasn't allowed to write. And posted them. I felt nice. My fuzzies were really kind of long alright! We did clear up. Practiced dance. Practiced skit. Dylan got pissed. i really don't blame him. Had lunch. I went for dental and skipped eating veggies. And then it was chocolates for me. Dylan won Limbo rock for us. SHORT IS POWERFUL! And then Sam was too tall. But tall is good too. (: Went back to church. Had secret or rather, not so secret new friend. Practiced dance and skit. Parents came. Served them. Talked to them. Performed. Ours was super impromptu. The other groups' performances were really funny! DANCE WAS FUN! girl's can't dance as guys! Guys can dance as girls. Whoops. :o. Camwhoring time. Hugging time. Can you see my face being lit up drastically. And then home time ;( Yeah. Really sad. And then, I read my warm fuzzies and my sms again. And I was really happy! I'm saving the sms man! HAPPY PEOPLE MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!

To sum up, Camp was the highlight of my holidays, the holiday spirit! Camp's the bomb, and I think it rocks so hard! I love camp! Thanks everyone for making camp great and perfect!

Oh yeah. And I became really good friends with fel! Common interests and star gazing. We'll get diabetes, but I'm not complaining. It was really touching you know, that. I wish more people'd be like that. Also, It was really great having Fel in my group for camp. She helped me survive. She ensured I wasn't alone. Thanks fel!

The girl's dorm was like really fun and all. With all that nonsense and gossip. We're so totally evil! And I got to know the sec ones really well. I think I can click with them quite well, yes? tell me sec ones, is that true? Haha! I miss camp! Camp makes me smile. :D

Thanks people who let me tell you about court. At least I tried. Its the effort that counts. I hope y'all really stop soon yeah? I'm gonna feel like a happy failed peer adviser. But, who cares? As long as I'm happy. AND I AM! Don't hurt the people you love, yo! Make the right choices!

I'll treasure the memories y'all gave me mann! I'm gonna protect them with my life. And the warm fuzzies! HOHOHO. I'll love them. I feel loved. Jaime loves y'all too! Feel love. Share the love!(:

Common interests are found out at camp. woohoo common people! Popular kids and all. (:

I LOVE CAMP. CAMP IS FOREVER IN MY HEART! WHOA. Thanks All!

"the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen!(camp!)"
jaime. it ain't corrinne may, so sue me!(:

2007-06-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

Hey, yo! I'm back, as you might already have guessed.

Holiday was alright. And I say alright implying nothing more and nothing less. I fell sick during the trip. Let's see, I had fever, stomach flu, sore throat, cough and running nose. Not all at the same time, but yeah. Sick. Now, I've not entirely recovered yet, therefore, I'm not allowed to train. DAMN. I'm so going to screw nationals. Greaaat. The trip was interesting though. Interesting, not exactly, enjoyable. Okay, maybe relaxing and reflective. It was okay. That's all. I enjoyed the bus ride to Chiang Rai/Mae Sai though. It was really kind of long, but it was really nice and quiet and the scenery was quite the beauty. Interesting, might I say. Something to talk about at my interview. My interview is scaring the hell out of me. And now we'll all just have to pray for the best.

Can't train. Hmph. Can't train. Hmph. Hurrr. I want to train. Me no want to screw up my nationals. So, I should drink more water and sleep more. Camp tomorrow. YES! My highlight of the entire June Hols. Wonderful! I'm going to train. I swear, that I will train. soon enough. My homework! My time! Gone with the wind they have flown far away. Hurr. My homework is semi-completed. Oh, my surveys! Death to me, death to my school work. It feels good to be back home. But, home reminds me of the imminence of the beginning of school. And my interview. Sigh. I'm afraid, or rather, apprehensive. I want camp to come! But I don't want camp to be over and I really don't want to start school. And as much as I tell myself I want nationals to be over, I really really don't want it to come. Not now, when I'm this untrained and the unwell. No, siree. Gosh. This is taking too much out of me. I have to quit worrying. Its back to size 14 for me.(No, I do not wear size 14. Though, my mother reckons I will soon, at the rate I eat.)

Oh, and Michelle and I and all known people at this point in time have been rejected. *5 second pause*. We can't be bothered, that wasn't my life's work. My life's work will tell my of my crops. Gosh, I pray so hard for it. I wonder how things are going in terms of stuff I've missed. Haven't had the head to go find out. Will find out soon. End.

P.s. Donuts are the most heavenly thing that you can ever taste. Hmmm. Dunkin'/Mister Donut. Hmmmmm. Yummy.

"I find the strength to believe in me again."
jaime.

2007-06-12T18:57:00.000+08:00

I feel stupid and utterly demoralised. Thanks man.

"And may all your dreams come true"
jaime. Surely, I hope they will.

2007-06-10T15:00:00.000+08:00

I'm going for holiday next week.Hurray.
I sense a lack of enthusiasm. I meant, I sense a serious lack of enthusiasm.
Tell me why. Cause its going to be hell ENJOYING nagging from my mother and twice that amount from an attention seeking old lady.Greeeat, just great.
Something tells me, its going to be a 6 day torture. 6 days, bloody hell. 6 days is very very long. We NEVER ever go for that long. It's too long! What happened to the need to train very hard. And to think I was supposed to sacrifice camp! Camp's supposed to be the HIGHLIGHT of my holidays. I really don't care if I have an extremely dissatisfactory group. Oh man. 6 days of torture, as if the 8 days weren't enough. Why couldn't my interview or something of great importance be during that period? WHY! I'd much rather stayed glued to Singapore and get tortured mercilessly by Coach through horrible training schedules. Even Mrs Jeya's schedules are fine. Why! I really don't want to go. Thailand, again. I've been there twice in the pass year. Too often. too often. Now, I really don't enjoy holidays. I used to be sooo excited by them. But going alone, gosh its a chore. No computer, no phone and no friends. To add on, I can't train properly. Meaning, I've got to say bye bye to nationals now. Hmph! My priorities are so simple, and yet, my parents say they're all wrong. Greeaat. Be a super spiritually weak person. I'm fine with not getting anything I want and distancing myself from God. I'm totally fine with that. And I'll get struck by lightning the moment I step into the sun. Nice. Really, Nice.

I'm making sacrifices alright! I'm breaking camp for training. As if that's not enough. I'd fly back for training, but I guess, that's really no option. 6 days of torture in a land that I've been to so recently. I pray that I get into my dream school. I pray that they'll send me overseas during the June hols. And I pray that thanks to that, I don't have to be tortured no more. Oh please, I want to gain entry! Its been my dream for so long. Its the longest time I've been wanting something. And I'm actually working for it. Sort of, at least. Oh please, oh please. I'll pray harder than ever, I want it badly. I really do. Believe me. I really do. I'd give up camp for it, if its what I have to do. And you know how much camp means to me. Oh mans.

And I'd like to say that I'd really really really appreciate it if I gain entry into the school of my dreams through the Integrated Programme. If you know me well, you'd know how much I really want it. You'd know what I'd do for it. And I'd like to think I deserve it too. But maybe not. Maybe people are working even harder out there. You really wouldn't know. Hmph.

I wish my parents would trust me more. I wish they'd grant me more independence. I wish they'd trust my judgement and they'd respect my priorities. I wish they'd use their common sense. Would you rather have a younger person leading your child, or one who smokes and influences people in a bad way. I'd leave it to you. But you should think about whether you're just restricting my joy and taking it all away. Thanks, I love the (absent) support. Thanks. I appreciate it. And, I absolutely love the nagging. Not.

I think I've been disobedient recently. I wouldn't blame God for not giving my all time favourite birthday present. I'm annoyed with too many things. I wish it'd all go away. And, I wish I'd get my ideal perfect birthday present, soo badly.

And lastly, to lessen the torture, I'm wishing for a last goodbye.

"The only treasure I seek"
jaime.

2007-06-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

OH I THANK THE HEAVENS. I THANK YOU LORD. I THANK COACH.
Jo's in the next round! We were so so worried. Like, we didn't even look at the results thing. Our eyes were closed and we used the boards to fend our eyes in case of a horrible outcome. But, PHEW. I feel sorry for the jiaqi girl. But, its okay, I know that God has a purpose for her. Mediacorp was fun. Well kind of at least! And I got home so latee. HAHA. jaime was happy.

CAROLINE & AP's PARTY WAS GREAT. T'was fun, kay! I learnt to play happy birthday on the piano. Oh man, I'm so so so proud of myself. And the layers of wrapping was super super super cool. Maaan, I can't wait for my birthday. But by then, I'd either be REALLY happy or REALLY sad. It's scaryyy! I'd rather not know. I rather wallow in the dreams that I may get in, rather than the dismay of the letdowns of me being a REJECT. Yees. I want a party at Steph's house! Midnight walks and Endless talks. Sounds like the TV show. But, Hecks!

WOOHOO! Juvenile court tomorrow. I'm still kinda scared. But, I'll live through it. My heart is warmed by the first signs of return and the comfort that they are safe. WHAT RUBBISH. I'm out of my mind. All the excitement must be getting to my head. I WANT MY IPOD.*hints for my birthday present!*Actually, you can just get me a voucher or something. Cause I want to buy online so that I go to VJ. Orr, I could still buy a green one. I WANT MY CRUMPLER. *hints again* Hahaa. You've really got to ask me. Cause, I really don't want 2 of the same presents! I feel greedy, so sue me.

Alright, and for the finale.
EACH PLAYER OF THIS GAME STARTS OFF WITH 10 WEIRD THINGS, HABITS, OR LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT ONESELF. PEOPLE WHO GET TAGGED MUST WRITE IN THEIR BLOG 10 WEIRD THINGS, HABITS, OR FACTS, AS WELL AS STATE THIS RULE CLEARLY. AT THE END, YOU MUST CHOOSE SIX PEOPLE TO BE TAGGED AND LIST THEIR NAMES. NO TAG-BACKS!
(tagged by lizzi, mars and larrissa)
1. I've been waiting anxiously for this week to come!
2. The perfect ideal present would be priceless.
3. I hope steph and maybe marrissa's dreams come true.
4. I want WALLS ice-cream!
5. I want my ipod and crumpler. (goodness, i'm greedy!)
6. I'm trying not to be materialistic!
7. I want to beat the Anderson girl and to get into MY dream school.
8. I need to kick the habit of obsessing.
9. I should be sleeping soon.
10. I think Corrinne May is the bestest singer ever, and that I MUST go for her concert.

DONE. I'm going to tag the following people, listen up. Michelle(Neo), Cheryll, Arielene, Courtney, Suu and Francesca. Thanks.(:

"its your soul that makes me fall in love with you."
jaime. is. WOOHOO. happy.(:

2007-06-04T12:26:00.001+08:00

I have such wonderful parents who refuse to let me use my computer beyond 2330 AND take my money. One day, I'm going to be malnourished, and they'll probably be happy. Selfish people. Hmph! I'm going to not sleep right after the computer is off. So, people who read this post, it'd be really nice if you can call me, so that I won't be bored to that after that. Instead of wasting my time stoning and staring at the ceiling, I'd rather be using my free incoming calls. Yes, that's what I'd like. But today, HOHO. I won't be home at 2330, so poo poo to you. HAA! Oh man, since I'm 5 bucks short, How're we gonna pay for the present. Oh man. My money has just flown away. MY DINNER HOW! Oh man! Evil evil parents. All parents live to "discipline" and mine live to torture. Hmph. Well actually, my mum lives to nag. I think my parents think I'm rebellious. But, like its the holidays AND there's nothing else left to do. Not like they let me stay out till that late or actually give me something to do. And reading at 2330 is pointless! I'll read the same line about a thousand times before I figure out what it's supposed to mean. Hmph, parents who totally enjoy wasting my time. There's no rationale behind sleeping early. I mean, training's in the afternoon! I can sleep in lah! Damn stupid parents. To think they have degrees. Hmph.

Oh man. And its raining. How am I supposed to get to TP? My dad has just gone off too. Tomorrow I think I have to go play golf. *Groans* With my dad. Hmph, I really don't mind playing with Cheryll and Mary/Anne. But with my dad, its really boring. And I have to wake up early too! HAHA. tooooooooo badd, I'm not sleeping early today. Poo poo to youu!

TOMORROW IS THE FIFTH OF JUNE. YES! Do you know what that means? Yes, I do! Means, we get to go for party. But more importantly, the overseas people are coming back! Yeeeees! Hurray! OH! and today is the FOURTH OF JUNE! Mediacorp! Campus Superstar! I have never watched a single episode of it before, but we're all going to support JOANNA TEO RUI EN. Vote for her ya? Jo's our number one! Hurray!(:

And the next day is the SIXTH! Yay, court! Boo, weird clothings and shoes that'll make me feel like a plain retard. Mum says she's only got heels. Hmph. Heels and me, REALLY don't go.

Hmph, I swear my parents REFUSE to trust me. Goodness, I'm not a 10 year old kid lah. I'm a thirteen year old TEENAGER, please. What I don't earn my trust. Hmph. For me, doing well in exams gives me absolutely no perks. If I was rewarded the way my friends are, I'd be able to buy my ipod really really soon, if not already. Hmph. But I suppose, my reward is going to schol on the other side of Singapore, which ultimately rewards me with independence. Independence, sweet independence. It would really be nice if I get that independence. Independence would be a really really nice reward for doing well for my exams. But Noooooooo, they refuse to give me anything. Fine, be that way! I'll leave home the minute I can, Just like Hillary. If that makes them all the more happier, I won't even go home for dinner. Hmphs!

I'm pissed off for the lack of trust. I've got to let it out somewhere. Hmph. Alright, I hope training's nice and good today. And, that the rain'll stop soon. Please and Thank You.

"Go easy on me, cause you already know."
jaime. wants independence for her birthday present from her parents.

2007-06-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Hmph. I've lost all my Friday night excitement and hype, and all things friday night and exciting. I blame it on my day.

I suppose today was a mediocre day, a wasted day and a wayy below standard friday.
Even cl wasn't as impressive as it usually is! But that could be a biased statement with other influencing factors involved. But then again.
Let's see, other than the capturing our pokemon memories and posters in pictures, today has left practically no impact on me at all. Today, I wasted my time, and achieved nothing. I ought to go to sleep. Hmph. Friday the first, what a horrible day.

Hmph. Nostagiaa! I keep thinking back about kindergarten, and I miss it! Riding my small teeny pinky winky bike and getting scolded by chen lao shi. Oh man, the good great times. And, the fact that something so very coincidental occured without my knowledge. Darn, I was smarter than my peers then(I hope), but what happened to my observational skills! Maybe, I was always always blur. Oh wells. Give me a time machine, bring me back in time. BRING ME TO 1998, I'd like to trail the campus once again. Yes, I would!

1998. PGA. Hmph. Influencing factors! Gawsh, I'm really thinking of it way too much. Oh wells. nineteen ninety-eight. Hmph. I was 6, and innocent. I should have better observational skills. I should have had better observational skills ALL MY LIFE. All those years, with all those chances. Maybe, its the memory. I won't feel that bad if it was the memory. Cause if it was, then fate. Well fate's a funny thing, ain't it? Haha.

Hrmphhhhhhh. Only 3 more weeks of the hols. Time is going so slow, and yet it flies. We've got only 3 weeks of school-less weeks. It flies, and I'm NOT having fun. Repeat, Not Having Fun. Hmph. I've been engaged in school-based, damn stupid activites all week. And, I've been wasting the rest of my time stoning here before this computer of mine or doing stupid homework.

Nagging is evil torture. So is waiting. Hmph, and they both come together in PERFECT TIMING. I absolutely love time and EVERY aspect of my wonderful perfectly perfect life. Sense the lowest form of wit. Hmph. Enjoyment and happiness come to me. Where art thou?

Hmph. EVILL! Parties in the afternoon are pure evil! I want to sleep in, dammit! Since its in the afternoon, I've gotta yank myself out of bed to torture myself physically, which I sincerely think is not as bad as emotional trauma or psychological torture. Both of which are terribly and totally evil and horrid. Seriously! And forcing me to sleep is pure punishment for nothing that in particular. Have pity on me oh great Lord, I am feeling entirely tortured and at the mercy of the evil and mean ones. Okay, dramaticism. I should have joined some, more dramatic CCA, to bring out my full potential. Yeah, right.

Okay, so this post is melodramatic and exaggerated to some extend. But I'm feeling annoyed, and this is the result of annoyance, of which I cannot pin point the origin. Greeeaat, just perfect.

"fly away"
jaime.

2007-05-31T00:43:00.000+08:00

"BEAT ANDERSON GIRL, GET INTO VJ!"
Hmph. I sure hope so. Oh wells.

I feel like a poem. But whatever I feel like is most un-poem like. Oh wells. So, I shall do a promise thing. Like a vow. Yeah, like that.

I promise to be a good girl, to speak sense and only sense in the presence of people who can and will do harm to my reputation and can/will give me trauma. I promise to keep more silent, so that listening can be part of me. I promise to work hard to be the best I can be and to fulfil my own dreams and hopes. I promise to make life easier for other people, and so, not be a plain retard, thus not inflicting insult and harm on others. I promise that I will use my brain to think before playing any games to think of the consequences in the various situations. I promise to keep all my friends secrets, and be a really good listener and help to solve their problems and be a gooooood girl. I promise to be responsible and to perform my tasks well. I promise to not complain even when I don't get the things I want. I promise to try to be as hardworking as I possibly can to achieve what I can. I promise to be a nice girl who isn't mean to others. I promise to be loyal and to be innocent and good. And finally, I promise myself to not to break any of the promises I have just made. Thank You.

Hmph. I <3 Corrinne May!

"No matter the distance, I'll stay on the road to your heart."
jaime. [that's what we longD's are trained to do, ey?]

2007-05-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

* this post is highly unlike the hyperactive alive Jaime, I apologise sincerely. (:

Hmph. I feel exiled, lonely and nervous. And I had such a wonderful day today! Oh gosh. Something's wrong with me, or maybe its just the math homework. Hmph. Even if its the wretched math homework, IT REFUSES TO GO AWAY, DAMMIT! I feel horrid. Gosh, I've had such a wonderful day and I still feel horrid. WHY? Imagine those people who had a horrible day today! What about them? Hmph. I am ashamed at myself, for feeling so horrible, when I've had such a great day. Hmph.

Hmph has officially become my official word of this week/month/holidays. Tell me what nots Hmph about having to stay in Singapore to train, stone in front of the computer and do homework, while people have fun. Hmph! No, actually my holidays seem to be quite nice, BUT I'm just feeling horrid/emo, so I'm sorry if I'm spoiling your day with my whiny and annoyed post. Hmph. Hmph. Hmph.

If this is not enough torture, I realised there's another 3 day period where I'll be tortured, mutilated and left to hang(like now) again. GRAHH. They intend to kill me, don't they? Hmph! But I really don't recall feeling this way before. Gosh, something's wrong with me. Hmph!

So now, I've just gotta work really really hard for Aeroplanes, Metals, Music and a well-behaved and well-mannered Jaime. Yes, I will. I'm hoping I'll work hard, and next year this time, I'll be on a nice and cosy plane to somewhere far far away, with people who I learn and play with. Hmph. Come 6th of June, Brighten up my life, and stop me from saying Hmph. Come 6th June come! COME 5TH JUNE COME! Please, 4th June don't come! Our Science project ain't done yet. But yes! 5th and 6th June hurry come! Please let me be rooted to Singapore for the second week of the hols, PLEEEASE. Hmph. Homework. Hmph.

Terrible it is! MY OM LINE. I miss OM. I miss the hustle and bustle of things. I thrive under stress! Heeee! OM OM OM, if we were in US now, I bet I won't feel this way. Dammit, we should have worked harder. DAMMIT. Hurr.:'/

Hmph hmph hmph. I hope Steph and Hill bring something back for me from China. Since they decided to call me at 2321, I hope they'll remember to buy me something. 2321 lah! DAMMIT. Made me more aware of the time. Horrid really, HORRID! hmph.

Okay, If I want to be more well-behaved and get my AEROPLANEE, I've got to do my homework. Bye People who torture me endlessly.

"We see the same side of the moon."
jaime. (but i don't see the moooon!)

2007-05-27T16:00:00.000+08:00

Sense my boredom, i wrote a poem.

[edit]Hmph. Please people. do NOT use your inferencial skills. or i'll knock you with a hammer i shall buy.[edit]

You steal my heart away, every time I look your way
Subconsciously, I fall, deeper and deeper.
You’re a dork, an idiot, a retard.
But the attraction force pulls me nearer and nearer.
Love is blind, but is love true?
Its everything I seem to want, everything I seem to need.
But there’s no return, it’s a one sided line.
And still, I stubbornly wait and hope the sparks will come.
Tell me when it’ll start, tell me when.
I’ll never be impatient; I’ll wait here and let you be.
I kneel beside the lamp stand every night,
Praying that I’ll be what you want, and what you need.
Praying that you’ll be happy and safe.
Cause; As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.
Impossible they say, and I know its true.
But hoping’s good and God may bring me through.
And hopefully someday you will see,
Then maybe that day, you’ll come to me.

this is how bored i am. Rahh.
wheeee.

"I don't need your show of attitude."
jaime.

2007-05-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

I repeat my point, And I thank you, Lord.
I think God has been looking after me over time these days. And I thank him, I really do.
Things have pretty much been quite fine and dandy, and I love it. I loveeee it!
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Yes. I'm happy and scared.
I hope everything goes fine.
I hope I don't screw up nationals.
I hope I don't screw up anything my chances for anything.
We never are satisfied ever, are we?

Today was a pleasant day.
A wonderfully pleasant day.
Today's a great day, and I know why.

Chances. Yes, Chances. I thank you for chances. I really do. I appreciate mine and hope that I'll use it right. Chances, like the yellow ribbon project. Drop the charges, give the chances. Sometimes everybody just needs a second chance to perform up to standard, to do what they have to. Just to be who they want to be. Chances, sometimes its all that one person needs.

and i thank you for the chance.

terrific, ey? I love Corrinne May!

"Be yourself, Mr Beasley."
jaime.yeah?

2007-05-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

School's Out!
HURRAAYYYY!
I really don't feel like reflecting, so I won't. YUPPS.
Founder's Day and Report Books, the usual.
And then we bought smoothies, and went to steph's house!
YAY! we took 163, and you can imagine how excited i must have been.
YOU KNOW CAUSE ITS LIKE THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL.
AND LIKE ONE SIX THREE! not so much the bus though. STILL!
Yeah. and Steph, Celeste and Hillary were singing.
MUSIC is their stage, but certainly not mine.
I make NOISE not MUSIC. aha.
I shall go find my art form that I am umm... most talented in?
Okay, PGA briefing. We were super de duper de duper early. but then we had to wait looongg.
AND NOW WE HAVE HOMEWORK! hmph. oh wells, everything comes with a price, right?
But PGA is cool please! Marrissa is jealous. HAHA. Yeah, and we had refreshments and we went home.I dropped with Steph and walked the whole way out. HAHA.
and then I went for CL. which was us attending the holy hour thing. which was sleepyish. And i could only sing the final hymn. HAHA. it was boring and tiring and sleepyish. But i think it was good. But its like i'm half asleep there, i wonder if there is any point. hmph.
And i came home and i'm here. WHEEEE.
WALLACE THE WALL. coughs.
Marrissa's dream is weird. Can you imagine it? NO I CAN'T. Marrissa has a GOOOOOD imagination, seriously!

"i think i'll hire cupid."
jaime. jaime. jaime.

2007-05-20T14:04:00.000+08:00

So, yesterday my brained died.
it was exhausting, serious.
i hope they take me in.
VJ especially. I want!
Pleeeeeeaseee. i hope hope they see my CCA records and reference letters and that my GAT is good. PLEEEAASEE. teacher-with-tinted-glasses, and math-teacher-who-can-count-to-fifty!
i want i want, pleease.
hurr.

results weren't that bad. still, i hate chinese.
and i had to hop around like a bunny. silly bernie and arielene!
lit's scaryy. but its okayy.

post exam activites are siann. i love gamess!
Jane: WEE!WONG!TAN?
Jaime:*after jane says the above* CHONNNGGG!
and i won! Since suu is a tan too, i kindly let her use the surname and thought of another. ain't i nice?? HAAA.
i love truth or dare. IN SCHOOL.
haha. ask me a truth, and i'l tell you. cause there's nothing to hidee mann.
or rather, they have nothing to ask me. heeeeeee.
and dares are within limits. like wiping the window with your butt. AHA.
GAMES ARE FUN.
i'm great at finding stuff out(:

CLLLLLL!
paper cranes are coooool.
guys are useless at art. more useless than me! amaaaazingg.
I LOVE CRANES. and i should have been emo on friday. NEVERMINDS.
WHEEEEEEEEE.
i missed 4 cat classes this year already lah! i'm never getting confirmed:/
RAHHHH.

i<3marrissa's dream.SHUSH/it's a secret(:

"i'm in love with an uptown boy, heee!"
JAIME. is going crazy, serious!

2007-05-15T15:25:00.000+08:00

Today was math trail.
it was considerably fun.
and we did get to go out of school.
starbucks! yummy.
and we played truth or dare again.
gosh. truth or dare in school is so much easier.
on my nerves i mean.
cause they don't decide to make you do EVIL things.
FUN FUN FUN!

mrs wong scared us about our results.
so did mrs tan and miss mazlind.
therefore, i conclude, we all are dead.
i really hope its all a scare, and that we'll still do well.
but i don't feel so confident about it. so, OHOH.
so, i am scared. please let doomsday be less scary.
pleaseeeeeeee.

i really don't know if i'm making the right choice.
only now, do the tables start to turn.
but then the other chances may be better.
and what the teachers say about ij girls.
i really don't know. hmph. but its no decision time yet, is it?

and truth or dare. AHA. i think i lied yesterday.
it really isn't my fault much, is it?
i don't know what i'm feeling anymore!
stupid jaime stupid ambiguous jaime.

haii. i just hope saturday, we'll perform well.
and tomorrow and friday will not kill us.
in terms of results, training and other nerve wrecking experiences.

post exam activities make no sense at all!
well, only half of them do at least.
i don't understand why we can't check our papers all on wednesday and thursday!
the teachers seem to enjoy torturing us. first with exams and then with making us wait for results.rahhh. i seriously hope we all do well.
and i hope our time would be managed fine.

we were going crazy over Korea today.
aha. jaime was being retarded. but hillary was being worse.
THE ENORMOUS FERRIS WHEEL STARTED IT!
Torture is badd! Results are worse.I'm going to read.

goodbye fellow sufferers. we shall be back!

"inner turmoil. to be or not to be?"
jaime.

2007-05-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

i'm here to tell you that spiderman in spiderman 3 is a useless bum. and he is a bad person.yupps.

and that i think that soon, my mum will tell the whole world of my plans which have about a 3 in 4 chance of being unsuccessful frankly speaking. but oh wells.

and also to say that exam papers should not be returned and we should not get our report cards.

and that speeches are evil.

and that i'm really going to be confused if my plans both become successful. cause of the pros and cons and yeah.

and that people are really rude and mean. i mean talk about being responsible and smart. hng. i'd really like to see that. being smart means being able to cope with things. not just be stupidly jealous. stuuupid. RAHH.

and that the may day award is plain dumb.

and that i will train harder in order to beat that stupid anderson girl.

and that i will be happy with my results no matter how bad they are, because i have a ~~bad~~ horrible feeling about it.

and that playing truth or dare in school is fun, since they can't make you do anything which is pure evil. and they probably know what they want to know already. haha. which is mainly confusions within myself. WOOHOO.

and that jaime is coming down on the track, so that she shall whack all. WOOHOO.(:

and that lastly she hopes her brain will still be working after taking 4 tests so that she may still do another well. and that her bad luck with tests like these go away, and that her good luck comes along. yes yes please.

and that she should stop saying "and that" and start packing and going to sleep.

and that her doomsday wednesday may be turned around by a good set of results and a wonderdul speech.

and that come saturday, her brain would not be dead.

"yeah, first love. how sweet."
jaime.

2007-05-12T01:21:00.000+08:00

Finally. I've finished my grand masterpiece!
I've finished making my blog look nice.
I changed the Skin if you haven't already realised.
I like it!

Anyway, today was a fun day.
Or shall I say, Yesterday.
Okay. So, i went for training. And, it was absolute hell. Due to the fact that I have been sitting around slacking instead of running. Its my fault alright. But yeah, training was over in a hurry. Oh, and we took one hour to get to school, even in a cab, How bad is that?
Then, I went off to town to meet Yeewern, Chu, Suu, Arielle and XYZ! I thought I would be late, and I turned up super early. So, we waited. We had Nice Fried Mars Bars!(Sulin's treat!) and couldn't find the earring shop. Hee. I think I got the most things today. I feel guilty. Ooops. But yeah, it was fun. Burger King especially!

Okay, then i got back at close to 7, and totally forgot there was rosary. So, yeah. and I was late. Maan, they shuffled the Sec1s again. No more Rochelle! So, I can't talk to her about school...Oh wells, we got Ashley at least. She's nice. And useful and proactive, unlike SOME people. HOHO. and then after we were done with second cycle. We had a game. You were supposed to do charades and act the person, who's name you picked out of the box. Funny, man! And thank god for me, I didn't have to go up! Cause I wouldn't have known what to do. I mean how do you act out lizzi? (VJC, retarded much?) And the forfeits for the rest of the people were funny! I tell you, I'm so going to get abs from laughing. REALLY! and after CL, I got Suuu's message, about laughing nonstop. And then only did I remember the CPR thing, and I was laughing. HEH!

To sum up today/yesterday, I was high. On I have no idea what. Really! and I had greattt fun! HOHO!

"i'll just smile and say your useless!"
jaime.the sociologist.

p.s: i don't exactly like this post, but you get the point(=

2007-05-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

the last time i posted was openhouse.
such a long long time ago.
exams are over, finally, HURRAY!
time to rest and relax.
and time to fuss over the other important things in life.
let's hope its easier than studying without life support by my side.

i bought presents. i feel achieved.
yay! exams are over.
the dream has begun. almost.
i need to pass through a few more barriers first.
WOOHOO. countdown!
wheeeeeeeee. HOLS HOLS HOLS!
CAMP CAMP CAMP!

omg! camp! can you say fun?
remember camp of '06?HOHO.
pure enjoyment and laughter.
and embarrasment.
but that's not the point!
its funn mann!

now, i can go watch tv for all i like AND bother people to no end(:
BOTHERING ROCKS, USELESS PEOPLE SUCKK!
hehhh. and i want to go out and critic doors again!
criticing doors = fun!
YES IT IS. and and and i want class outing to ECP!
ECP is the bomb for class outings. i can substantiate my point through past knowledge from photos of other people's class outings.too much lit and history.
so much for not remembering the things during the exams.

training is going to be a toughie. i hope speed means 200 and 400s. i prefer that to super long kms.yes yes please.
OH AND GOLF CAMP AND PGA AND CL CAMP AND INTERVIEWS(please!) AND CIP AND AND AND TRAINING. a holiday as such is simply filled with laughter and joy and no time at home. HURRAY!

OH, How i love the holidays! i want to go examine doors! its very very fun!!
i want to go outt! i want to go to east coast parkkkk! so funn!
i want to play play play. no study, no books. just play!
and sleeeeeeeeeeep. sweet sweet slumber.
oh and we have science project too. OH COOL.
holidays come holidays come. report book, go away!

Red and Orangee! steph and michelle will get perfect boyfriends.
and jaime isn't that picky. but all the boyfriends and scandals shall be for j1.
now, its the time for us to play and play and play and did i say play?
refreshing mannnn. RE-FRESH-ING. i love post-exams.MUACKS.

victorianationalvictorianationalvictorianational, YEAHH MAN!
i'm a door critic and i'm proud of it.i'm a revoulutionary, not a murderer!-barber in just lather that's all. shrinking world is a result of msn. HURRAY. inference skills are to be kept in the textbook!YAYYY.

"nothing here looks remotely comfortable"
jaime the door critic(:

2007-04-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

wooohoo!
TODAYY WAS GREAT!!
i'm inspired to study harder and to go and learn cool stuff.
take me in!puh-leeeassee!!!!

let's talk about the nice nice nice openhouse!
it was nice. we spent one hour at the electives hub. (oops!)
yeah. the branded for life teacher was telling us about alot alot of stuff, so yeah.
THE ELECTIVES ARE DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN COOOOL!
yes please!
and then the subjects presentation thing was super cool.
the way they present it, is soooo interesting!!!
and there are so many choices!
AND AND AND. too many things to say!
and the mass dance was FUNNY!
really very funny!!
and yeahhh! so funn pleease!
and i was shocked. more than once.
OMG! i'm famous! thank you thank you!*waves jaimestyle wave*
woohooo. i love today's openhouse. one word. hot.

then we had lunch and went for cath.
and then i went to send my mummy off to nz.
yeahh. and i was at the airport thinking," in a year, i hope to be here........"
YES. OMG! PLEASE TAKE ME IN!!! i'm worth taking in, trust me!
pokay. i need to go be some guai girl. I AM INSPIRED!

"HI! fine, dao us lah!"
jaime!is happy!

2007-04-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

the indifference is finally wearing off.

today. i feel like i should never have been born. i feel so horrid. i feel like crap.i don't know what's wrong with me. why am i proving to myself that i am becoming dumber and dumber each day? why? i've been making so many big mistakes, but none of them leave an impact on me. and here i got being myself, and i feel like i have made the biggest stupidest most idiotic mistake in the world that will affect all my future prospects in all other schools. why do i feel this way? i mean, i've apologised about a million and one times already, but i can't get over it. why?!?!this must be the punishment for gossiping. fine, no more gossip. i still feel terrible. i think i should transfer myself to an uninhibited class so that any of my stupid actions would not affect anybody anymore. move to an uninhibited place and live alone. so that my mistakes would affect me and me alone. i won't hurt anybody, i won't dent anybody else's impression. i feel like i've commited a big sin. like i've murdered someone.but we can never live alone. does this mean, we can never make mistakes? i feel like i never want to make a mistake ever again. like mistakes are out to murder me, and swallow me whole. but we're humans and we make mistakes, and we can't be humans without them. aye. i feel so guilty. we tried our best to apologise and do penance. i'll do my own penance. i hope this makes me feel better. aunty michelle said guilt feeling is made by you. and when god forgives, he takes the feeling away. does this mean i'm not forgiven? or is my conscious over-working herself? i don't know. and since my chances are like almost zero now, i shall work to get a better stream then.

pressure is getting to my head. i wish i was in the worst class ever. then we'd work without pressure. that would be really nice.

"My Lord above, take away my sorrows, please."
jaime.

2007-04-23T19:31:00.000+08:00

this is my 200th post(:
such a meaningful one too!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE, DARLING!
have a great year ahead! study hard, play hard! your birthday present is comingggg! smile, cause that makes everything sooo much better! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ily lots.(: take care, god bless!

"happy birthday!"
jaime!

2007-04-23T18:45:00.000+08:00

people and the things they do.
we all have a right to be happy, and being emo, is just spoiling it. making your own problems for half the world to solve it for you.plain stupidity. its damn dumb. and you think your so good. please lah. get a grip. can you go look around and see first. see how much other people have done. i mean yeah, i'm not good either. but PLEASE. stop thinking your almighty lah!PLEASE!oh my gosh. and you can bend so low to betray your friends who are so close to you. you are the cause of so much you know? SO MUCH. and you are blind to it. blind to everything but yourself. self-centered.

aiyoh. and the two of you ah. the past is the past. can't you just shake hands and make up. both of you see only the bad points of the other. and coincidentally, they are the SAME bad points. yeah i know, unlike poles attract, like poles repel. YES. but if only you will see! you'd get along much better. i know that the cause of all this, isn't just the both of you, BUT PLEASE can you all make up and be happy again?that would be great. YES, you all aren't posting on the class blog and YES, you aren't stabbing each other literally, but this will definitely take a toll on your mid years and also, its just ONE huge MISUNDERSTANDING. and that's all. just be done with it and hurray!YES. make up please.

i shall be happy and go along doing my revision. i'm going to do well this term. yes i am!

"you have no idea how stupid you appear, and i'm not about to tell you."
jaime.

2007-04-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

I shalls

I shall be disciplined.
I shall be driven.
I shall be responsible.
I shall be dilligent.
I shall have initiative.
I shall be focussed.
I shall study hard.
I shall peservere.
I shall stand firm in my beliefs.
I shall not give in to other people's opinions.
I shall do my best.
I shall not give up.

through cross, we learn to never give up. even if you are dying and really can't go on, just try. give it your all. just go. finish it. do your best. no matter how many people pass you, do your best, and finish what you set out to do.

in the same way, even though, so many tell me bad things, i shall peservere. i will not give up. different people react differently to different situations. i need the stress. i need to be pushed. i want that challenge. i will push on. no matter how many people give up, i will not. i will not give up.

YES. i will not give up.

"actually, we learn alot through cross..."
jaime.

2007-04-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

YAY. its over.
i'm happy enough.

i'd like to edit the comment i made the other day.
everyone's in love.-> that comment.
everyone's in love. eeee. so cliche! more cliche than my "chill!".
putting love-ish stuff as msn stuff makes me laugh. cannot cannot. jaime is so unfeeling. tsk. WAHAHAHAA. okay so i'm suppose to edit the comment right?
everyone's in love and is tired. why people why?
love is a teenage, adolescent thing. explainable.
tired? just sleep lah! tired of something. take a break from it lor! so easy. i think we should start taking mrs tan's advice for once, and start solving our own problems.

talking about a break.
i need a break. i'm sick of the same thing everyday.
same people. same complains. same condolences. SAME SAME SAME.
when's it going to be DIFFERENT?
same people saying the same things. i'm tired of cliche emo-tired phrases. something different if you please. PLEAASSE. different can?
yes.

And the class outing thing is reeetarded. firstly. if the class outing is so much of a trouble, we shouldn't have it at all! REALLY! how can people put theirselves in charge of this kind of thing.SUCK LAH PLEASE. no, not that a certain person sucks. i'm referring to the fact that we are super disorganised, and didn't stop the silly behaviour earlier.

i'm saying stuff i shouldn't say. but i need to say it. so yeah. sorry if you are offended by something. it is not meant to be offensive.

chao. i need to go do other stuff.

"shut up, you don't know the meaning of that word"
jaime.

2007-04-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

tomorrow. its tomorrow.
i'm excited and yet so scared.
it'll all be over soon, i pray i'll make a good job out of it.
PLEAASE. thanks.

everybody's in love! aiyoh! aren't you too? NO! not really! or at least not exacty! Love is something too complex for my dear little mind. WAHAHAHAAA. mondays, i go high. MONDAYS, I LOVE. thursdays i go high too. THURSDAYS, I LOVE. I hope the people will be a motivation for me tomorrow. Please Lord, I ask you for your help to let me do my best, and let me know no limits. Thank you.

4 AND 11. I CAN'T WAIT. i need to study. i need to fly! i hope i fulfil my dreams this year and next year. YES PLEASE. I need a new environment. Please. And for this I pray.

Tomorrow, I shine like the stars.I sure hope.

"don't give up!"
jaime. tomorrow will be a better day!

2007-04-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

two.
two's a number yet explored.
two. only two more.

Monday, I go high. I was nonsensical and crazy. English, was NONSENSICAL, seriously. And PE was slack. We are the PE Slackers. Yes, that's us! I did Negative 2 rounds for PE today. Sensible enough? Then Chinese. The usual. Lao Shi got pissed with us again, cause we were talking too much. I do think we should talk less, but we have no interest in Chinese, NONE AT ALL. Oh and my electronic dictionary screen has cracked(wow, before me!), so I'm in need of a new one.

Recess, the queues were long again, Sigh.

After recess, was OM taken over by English, and then free period. It was Pui Toot's birthday today. So, yeahh. And, Pui Toot wants a Bikini. She made up her song. Free period was FUN. It was sooooo fun! Reallly! It was greatt!
Here's the song:

under the sea

wear bikini

come and touch me.

and then assembly and then after school.

Pre-training lunch was FUNNY! I tell you, that junior of mine is soooo funny! I pity Cathy and Chewy for being in her class. Really! She is perpetually high, higher than me! Imagine that. Oh and they used their Calcuphones during class and their Science teacher used it too. I tell you, soo funny.

Training was slack. And, I came home to slack somemore. I absolutely need to stop using YOU, my computer. It's time to face reality and study, I cannot afford to waste anymore time on people online! ARGH! Okay, I need to sleep and all. Nighty!

"lots of love."

jaime.